No Stupid Questions

Personally I grew up being taught by a bunch of older 2nd wave feminists, so the messaging I received was a lot of "A woman is anything she wants to be." Cue picture of Rosie the Riveter repairing a truck or something. I wonder if you maybe didn't have the best relationships with the women around you growing up? Because personally, I've just always felt more comfortable with women. When I was a kid, women were more inclusive with me and easier to talk with, and I think the moments where women segregated from men, where it was just me and a group of grandmas in the kitchen or something, were really formative for the development of my feminine identity.

Obviously you get to choose your labels, but theres absolutely nothing wrong with being a tomboy and it certainly doesnt invalidate your identity, unless you feel it does. Some of the women i know and like the most are tomboys. I certainly dont view them as any less of a woman, although quite frankly i dont spend time thinking about peoples genders either.

Just do you! Being proud of who you are is great, but if you dont like who you are there are always options to change. If you had to describe how you want to be viewed, how would you go about it?

Sorry for being unable to answer the woman side of the question. 30s, "male" but honestly could also qualify as "closeted genderfluid" or "agender" maybe, I don't know.

Never really felt "masculine" in the stereotypically toxic way older generations and conservatives are obsessed with, and if I'm being honest I've always wanted breasts and to look more feminine but have no desire to have any sort of "bottom surgery"

My wife has encouraged me to grow my hair out, but honestly I'm not sure what to do with it. I just put it in a ponytail, sometimes for multiple days in a row. But I want to do more stuff with it. Executive dysfunction goes great with a lot of things....

Although I would like to appear more feminine, I hate makeup. I have done musical theater since middle school and absolutely hate the feeling of stage makeup. I understand there are different types of makeup and I'm sure proper application would feel less like a layer of clay and more like a light dusting.

Some days I want to go out wearing women's clothes, but never have. Some days I feel like wearing work jeans and a ratty t-shirt full of holes but it's comfy. Some days I feel like a gelatinous blob only constrained by sweat pants.

Fuck labels, do you.

This is like saying you don't deserve to be called a red head. It's not something you earn, it's just something you are. Don't overthink it

Lol, I'm male but I don't even feel "masculine", whatever that's supposed to mean.

My parents always tells me: “男子漢大丈夫，流血不流淚” (translates to "Real men would rather bleed before crying" or something like that) and I just fuckint cringe.

Like do they want me to die in a battlefield or something lmao

I just cried a lot when I just arrived in the US as a child. Cuz I got bullied a lot...

And my parents were abusive to me... and then they wonder why their child cries a lot...

But I also cry when I see the news and all the sad things that happen in the world.

Like... fuck "gender stereotypes". The world is the way is it because we have men that want to act so tough and "masculine" and completely throw out their empathy and morals.

I know you asked for women here, so please forgive second hand info and a small bit of personal interjection.

You're far from the first woman to express that feeling. I've heard similar many times, and damn near exactly that a handful of times.

Yes, as folks have said, it's most often from people that end up being trans or some variety of non binary/agender once they figure out what labels do feel right, but it isn't exclusively that. There's some folks that have dissonance with the label not because they aren't women, but because the label of it carries social baggage that doesn't match their inner self, rather than womanhood not matching their self.

I've had conversations about it because my own sense of masculinity and manhood (not necessarily the same thing) often didn't fit external concepts, leading to friction. Something as minor as having long hair was enough to cause social friction that made my journey as a boy becoming a man rockier than it should have been.

What I've had expressed to me by women that are cis, and place themselves on the binary is as much about not being able to integrate what they sense in themselves with external concepts. Even when they fit those external concepts like enjoying makeup, there can be a disconnect so great as to make them wonder if maybe they're trans simply because the way the world treats women can be so damn wrong. That kind of dissonance needs resolution eventually.

I will say that femininity is no more rigid than masculinity. For the most part, the real defining limit is what the person finds as their own expression of masculinity or femininity. When they find that balance where their own sense of self is no longer dependent on those external concepts and pressures, that's when real femininity comes into play. A tomboy can be just as feminine as your prototypical "girly girl". It's just a different expression of femininity that happens to also match some aspects traditionally labeled as masculine.

Really, when it comes right down to it, we all have to find our own self-labels and balance them with our concepts of masculinity/femininity.

Going back to my personal journey, I discovered that part of my internalized masculinity is wrapped up in being exactly who and what I am, as a man, and to hell with external concepts. I'd be just as masculine, as much a man in high heels and skirt singing Celine Dion because I'm in balance with my masculinity. This was not always the case. The few times I did drag as a bit of fun felt decidedly un masculine because at the time, I'd never had to evaluate how much gender roles and appearances actually mattered to my own sense of self.

So, while you didn't ask this at all, I would say that if you want to be called a woman, you deserve it, period. Doesn't really matter if you're trans, cis, or other, you're as valid a woman as any other.

Now, that doesn't mean you have to have the goal of internalizing that label in order to be a woman, you don't. But you can also be very feminine in how you present yourself and not be a woman, and you'd deserve to not be called one either.

Being called a woman isn't something you "deserve", it's just a gender assignment that means nothing.

Just do your own thing, if you don't feel like the label fits you, you don't need it anyway.

I was the same, but with being a man. Until I realised that true masculinity isn't being about strong and muscle-y or being a womaniser, but by being protective and responsible and dependable. Having integrity and humility and serving people.

Do you wanna be a woman?

Not sure if it's relevant to why you feel ridiculous, but feeling like you don't qualify as what you are is common I think.

In my 20s I felt like a 7 year old boy dressed up in a suit and grandma pinching my cheek and going "well who is this handsome man?".

A woman doesn't have to be feminine, there are plenty of masc and butch women. Would you feel more comfortable with short hair? There are also other options. Would you feel more comfortable thinking of yourself as a man (men can also be feminine or masculine), or neither, or both?

I didn't feel comfortable calling myself a woman, but not crossing any gender boundary, I just always preferred "girl". I didn't feel mature enough to be a woman until I kinda forced myself to claim that title. With enough use I now feel comfortable referring to myself as a woman.

Titles and gender can be hard. You are allowed to experiment until you find the expression and terminology that suits you. But also, its okay to feel ridiculous, you can grow into feeling comfortable with whichever terminology you want.

I don't feel like a woman, but then I'm a 50 y/o straight white guy from New Zealand. I don't fit the stereotypical NZ 50 y/o male either, that is: I'm not a big rugby or cricket fan, Don't (haven't) owned a v8, etc.

Learn to live the best you, for you.

I'm just gonna come out and say what other people seem to be dancing around. These are things that a trans man would say. Not saying that's necessarily the case for you but like it's probably worth trying to find someone affirming and professional to discuss dysphoria with.