Ask Lemmy

Stretch and exercise. Every day. Either your body or your mind, pick one a day and the other another, else you'll end up stiff in the body, injure yourself trying to do simple things and have a head full of mush to boot.

Get yourself off as many social medias as you can, and join a local club that lets you be social while being active.

Learn to embrace being absolutely dog egg at new hobbies and unfamiliar tasks. There's no avoiding it, so learn from it instead and work out what does and doesn't work. When you start to get stuck long term, that's when you go find someone to teach you.

Get an adblocker, ghostery and or privacy badger and dont trust free VPNs, because fuck adverts and the metadata they'd ride out with if you let them.

gen x here.

life always finds a way to shit on you at your worst. nothing new there.

celebrate the wins no matter how small, and every day you don't give up is a win.

learn from your losses and pick yourself up from them and get ready for tomorrow.

take breaks, eat as best as you can, sleep regularly. take care of your health.

read more. not online bullshit. not the news. get a library card and read actual books.

did you go to college yet? if not start in a community college and figure out from there, just dont take to long to finally choose a field though, like more than 2years to finally take courses in a specific field. no need to jump into more expensive 4 year when you can plan in a 2 year first, this gives you more free time to research different fields.

Well, without any context it is hard to say. In very general terms, I have a little advice.

Find a job you don't hate. You're going be spending a lot of your time there, if it sucks your soul out you will never be happy. I think this is a super important one.

Don't acquire needless debt. It's so easy to fall into the buy now, pay later mentality. Especially when Klarna and Afterpay are shoved down your throat with every online purchase. It's a slippery slope.

Quality is much more important than trendy. Sure, there is stuff that is quality and trendy. But you don't need to buy a Le Creuset when a Lodge will do just as good.

Get a cheap hobby. Maybe there is a little up front capital to get started, like for tools or something. But if the rest of it is cheap, you'll be able to do it more often. One of mine is restoring antique fountain pens. I needed a pen press, a buffing wheel, jewelry pliers, sac shellac, some 100% talc. But broken pens and sacs are cheap, so it is something I can do anytime for a few bucks. The detail work is soothing. And consumes hours.

It gets increasingly difficult to make friends after you're out of school. So, hang on to your closest ones. Make time to keep seeing them, even if you don't feel like going out.

I don't know how young "young" is, but I think it's pretty normal to feel that way in your early 20's. It's a time of big changes. And don't compare yourself to social media. It's not real life.

Cut people out of your life that mistreat you. Do not make yourself miserable for some hypothetical better future.

It's okay to try things without a full plan in place. It's okay to drop things that aren't working out; but do not rush to do so.

Invest yourself fully in your efforts. It's okay if it doesn't turn into anything. Even if you don't end up with a tangible outcome, you'll learn skills, you'll learn about yourself, and you'll find clarity in the bigger picture.

Do not constantly bog yourself down by repeatedly self-assessing. It's a waste of energy and you'll end up disappointed in the outcome of whatever you're focused on.

Free yourself from fear of judgement. Look at how many morons are in positions of status and power. Criticizing you is a waste of time and energy. It's foolish when others to do it, and it's foolish to pre-emptively criticize yourself to get ahead of what others might say. (If you take any lesson here, let it be this one.)

Get used to it. Seriously. The world is designed to keep you down (unless you're a nepo baby, which it doesn't sound like).

Trying to hold all those pieces of the puzzle together is stressful, and things will just keep piling up, and sooner or later it will all come crashing down.

Just take it a day at a time. Prioritize the things that are important, keep a list of things that require regular attention, and have some general idea of where you're going and how to get there. But don't stress too much about everything working out exactly as planned; be flexible because real life is dynamic and things always change, including your own priorities.

Make time for yourself and doing the things you enjoy, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, and don't be afraid to "do nothing" from time to time. Spend a little bit of time each day outside breathing fresh air. It's all you can do, really...

Welcome to the club. The dirty little secret is nobody knows what they're doing and any adult who tells you differently is lying to you. We are all flying by the seat of our pants in life, and just doing our best to make it. Enjoy the ride and try to have fun while you're here.

Take your time and find yourself and your place.

I feel it took me longer than most to find my place in life, but looking back everything I did in life lead up to this. It’s really special to finally get here. But I also took my own pace to get here, and thats not a problem at all.

The key to happiness is not to have any hard expectations. I've heard the phrase "strong opinions held loosely" at work. But in life, soften the strong part. Random chance will have more impact on your path than anything else, so flow with it.

You’re kinda fucked. The world needs a reboot.

In the meantime, figure out which professions pay a decent enough wage and do the one you find most tolerable/ least objectionable.

Well, I'm a millennial and I feel like I'm an alien in nightmare hell. So my best advice is to adjust your expectations. If you're at all like me, you won't. In which case, seek a healthy community now that will last you a lifetime, and to take really good care of your body and mind, you're durable, but will still take on real damage because this is real life. Investing in yourself is always the right choice, but listen to your body. Be gayer. Drink more water. Wear sunscreen. Wash your butt. Environment means a LOT more than you realize. Listen to people's actions, not their words. Inaction is still action. Correlation is not causation. Define what freedom means to you. All relationships with people, including yourself, are relationships that are temporary and always bidirectionally negotiable, for better and for worse. Stretch more. Air quality matters, co2, humidity, mold, particulates, smoke, temperature, smell, familiarity, etc. Learn to be with yourself and who you are. Advice is a form of nostalgia, be cautious but patient with those who supply it. Don't be a dick. Love and kindness is always the answer. Make peace with death so that you can live your life. Being different isn't easy, but there's nothing wrong with it. Every single person is fucking stupid, including you, and that's okay. Confidence is not a signifier of competence. Practice makes permanent. You are going to fail a lot, but you will also succeed. Find out what you truly enjoy, but accept that your tastes may change. Define integrity. Understand what a fad is. Don't expect to be entertained. Practice empathy, but don't put up too much with those who don't. Don't vape or smoke. Suck dick at least once. Eat butt puss at least once. Realize that most people are just like you, but that you are not default or average in anything. Seriously, drink more water. Sugar is water soluble. And learn how to properly brush your fucking teeth and go to the dentist.

Plan to change jobs every two years to ensure a steady increase of income.

You really don't know what the future holds, so don't get bogged down planning too far ahead. Set yourself some achievable goals for the near future. It's ok to have some vague plans for the distant future, but keep in mind that there is a good chance that your future could look very different than what you imagine it might be.

Dont borrow a shit ton of money till you got a career going you like.

Save some money. Doesnt have to be a ton but just a few dollars per week will be better than 0

Dont lend money to friends (if you do, dont expect to get them back)

Life gets better

I was struggling too when i was around 20.

Life is awesome now years later

There is no picture on the box. The pieces are blank.. So draw an image on the box..

Visualize it and make at least one step in that direction each and every day. The pieces will then take on that image. Give that picture time to form.

Ask yourself, what does YOUR life want to be? Creative? Inventive? Adventurous? Domestic? Entreprenurial?

NGL, you don't really hit it as to what you want and who you are until you're 27 or so, then you'll find that by 35 you'll be stepping into your full potential. (It's Peak Skills time.)

Sort that first.. WHO you are. What you want, what you'll tolerate and more importantly, what you will NOT put up with, no fucking way fuckyouvery much.. (this is absolutely critical for mental and emotional well being)

Then give yourself time and be aware that tastes change as we get older, so be prepared to roll with a change if it comes to you.

Don't hang on a sunk cost - regardless if you spent a decade going in one direction and then you find that you've pivoted to another..

The effort you put in going in that first direction is experience that will only give you a base on which to move from..

There's a reason we have the phrase "well rounded" to refer to those with a wide range of skills, confidence and experience.

Everything is a benefit - whether it is a skill or just personal confidence.

Being a young adult, frankly, is a ball of suck.

My own life from 17 to 27 was a struggle with loneliness, self-doubt, financial hardship, and a ton of hard, ugly lessons.

It was ALSO a time of incredible fun, moments of pure joy and fierce companionship. And in all of that I learned a lot of confidence and fortitude. You will as well.

At 61 I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know what and who I am and have managed to find a niche that I fit into and expanded it into a profession.

Do I make the most money I could? Oh hell no.. However, I've got a super community of people around me - friends, family and co-workers and we all get along and care for and about each other and that is what I have found matters - in the long run - the most.

Network the hell out of your life with people you admire and whose work you respect. The rest, in time, falls into place.

I don't know how to explain it in terms that don't come off sounding drippy and trite to some..

You've got more potential than you realize. Focus on finding the things that bring you the most joy once you've sorted who you are and explore them to their fullest and see what comes from that. There's really no hard and fast rule, other than be flexible and open to change.

And NEVER hesitate to cut toxic people from your life. (speed dial that MF'er)

You got this.

Don't be afraid to take a chance.

I haven't seen this mentioned yet so:

Do not allow yourself to be persuaded, pressured, or bullied into having kids (including by yourself) until you feel 100% ready and that it's 100% what you want. The days of "nobody feels ready for kids; just go for it and it'll all work out" are way over. (This was always survivor bias bullshit advice, but with recent trends re: cost of living, housing availability, job market, etc., this attitude is straight-up reckless.)

When you're young, even if you think you know what you're doing, you'll almost certainly make mistakes; having children makes moving through and moving on from those mistakes a hell of a lot harder. A sad number of folks I know in their 30s are stuck in places they no longer want to live having to regularly interact with people who ruined their lives because of their kids. Even when things go well, kids are a huge drain on your energy, finances, and ability to take advantage of new opportunities.

It might be scary feeling like there are too many options available to you right now, but being forced into a certain life path because you have kids is not a fun way to resolve that.

Lot of good advice here on how to make good decisions and strategic choices to make a better life for yourself.

But, I'm here to give a different perspective. I'm going to retire soon and I've never had a sensible career plan in my life that lasted. I've bounced from opportunity to opportunity like a piece of driftwood in the surf. I've made my career choices based on what seemed like a good idea at the time. I've been a company director, I've been broke and (fortunately only technically) homeless and everywhere in between. I've had stressful jobs and easy-going jobs. All of which is to say that plans are good but sometimes winging it can work out too.

The other thing I will say is that while I've worked some shit jobs and some great jobs, I've always done a good job regardless. I've treated bosses, colleagues, and subordinates fairly and honestly. So those opportunities I mentioned a paragraph ago, they came because people I've worked with were happy to work with me again.

Look for this book, they probably have it at your local library.

"Discover What You Are Best At" by Linda Gail.

I was almost 30, out of work with an injury, when I learned about it. It's a series of self tests you can finish in half a day, and an index of jobs that use those skills. For example, a paramedic and a hair dresser both need good dexterity and good people skills. Totally different jobs but a similar skill set. Jobs are divided up by training needed.

It pointed me at a job I'd never considered.

If nothing else, it'll give you some ideas to ponder.

You're probably not struggling as much as you think you are. Not in a "your problems aren't that bad" kinda way but more in a "your responses to those problems aren't as pitiful as you think they are. Just because the problem wasn't 100% fixed doesn't mean you didn't deal with it like a boss. It's not like everybody else is out there dancing through their problems with the grace of a ballerina. 90% of them have the fridge door open at 2am eating shredded cheese right out of the bag too. You're doing great, don't be so down on yourself.

As an adult, all I can say is we don't know what we're doing either. And that's okay.

Do people really use the picture on the box to lay puzzles? That sounds boring.

The picture is that all plans fall apart. You're gonna mostly just have options, some you seek out and you may plan them or you may just go for them, but others will present themselves to you and you either will have the opportunity to opt in or to opt out. Nearly every path of life is like that, even shit like being drafted comes with opportunities to radically change your life in a different way. But sometimes, more than you may suspect, none of the paths are to keeping things the same.

I see two extremes that a lot of folks think they have to choose between. You've got planners, they get an idea in their head and they go and get it, it's the folks who had a life plan by 18. They're often inflexible and they rarely see the unexpected opportunity paths that they find. They also often struggle with realizing what's wrong when they're unhappy. They don't make big, bold choices, their big goals are meticulous. I've found many are unhappy because their plans rarely grow with them.

Then you've got folks who live by the seat of their pants. If they go to college it's because it's what you do, and their major was what seemed interesting. While the planners are trapped by their roots dug too deep, these people have none. I'm reminded of a friend who was divorcing her fourth husband, was in her late 30s, and casually mentioned that she kinda expected to have kids someday. She'd had a fascinating and wild life, but no career, no stability, and she didn't seem to get that some opportunities may have passed her by when she wasn't looking. These people miss out on a lot too, always chasing the most interesting or easy or fun or even just comfortable path to present itself. Many just fall into a stable rut because they aren't making long term plans and are instead getting high and playing video games all day not noticing their childhood friends were building careers and marriages while they did that.

My advice is to take the middle path. A life of prudence, self reflection, and willingness to pursue goals as long as they serve you, and to look for and analyze unexpected opportunities, especially when things go wrong. Meeting my wife was a fortunate accident when we were both dealing with breakups. Years later we'd leave the home state we'd long wanted to, to somewhere I'd always been interested in, because of hostile legislation in our home, and we love it here now. A new skill, a new friend, a new interest, or a new career can always be around the corner. But also if you're unhappy or lacking something, go looking for something new.

I also will add, you are the only person you're truly stuck with in life, fortunately you're also the only person whose actions you can fully control. Be someone you would respect snd want to be around. You'll find a lot more happiness and opportunities if you just keep trying to be the sort of person you'd want there to be in any given situation.

Everyone I know is struggling in life. It seems almost impossible to get anything good going. Take things one step at a time and try to find a good strategy for managing upkeep on whatever needs it. Focus on improving a single thing you can do in the short term. Outside of that, I’d strongly recommend getting a union job if you don’t have employment figured out yet. A stable income with good job security is much easier to plan around even if it seems like it isn’t enough money.

Don't necessarily do what everyone expects of you. Do what you need and want.

For that, you really need to know yourself. What makes you happy? Who do you want to be?

You will make mistakes along the way and the answers to those questions will be harder than it seema at first and also change over time. You might think you know yourself but that might change too.

Do what you think is right and wing it like everyone else.

Feel free to ask if you want some more detailed advice.

It's going to get worse before it gets better.

It's not your fault. Your ancestors and your peers sold you out.

do absolutely everything you possibly can to protect your dental health

teeth do not grow back

whatever you're facing in life, facing it with dental issues is going to make it so so so much worse

& if you're already brushing twice a day and flossing once a day or anywhere close, be extremely proud of that and don't ever let anything make you give it up

no matter who you are or what you've done you deserve a healthy mouth

Have 2 sets of goals, one set is measurable and achievable near term, this can be as simple as going to bed on time or doing one proper pushup or saving $5 this week. The other set of goals are for your dreams or ambitions, have something in mind worth fighting for, they don't have a set timeline and you may not ever reach them but if you do you've accomplished your life goals or set up the future so someone else can get there. The important part is to have the goals and start to figure our what steps you need to get there.
Don't feel guilty about just enjoying life, if you enjoy getting your guilty pleasure just drop the guilt part, that's not to say go ahead and spiral out of control but you are allowed to enjoy things that are within your reach.
People will offer to help you with stuff. fucking let them help you, people like to feel needed and feel better when they get to help you, stop feeling guilty about accepting help. you are letting them help so that they feel good about themselves and you might accidentally form bonds with other humans.
It is ok to be bored, healthy even. Do absolutely nothing once in a while, no music, no phone, no background noise. Just let your mind wander and decompress. I use my evening commute for this, except on science friday, imma learn about some shit on fridays, like how it is ok to be bored sometimes.

Keep keeping contact with your friends even if adulthood would separate you.

Take care of your teeth. Those are expensive and painful to fix.

Try to make a habit of stretching and exersising. Its hard to start older.

Generally when you are doing big decisions in life try to think if its good in the ling term.

If you feel anxious or unsure about yourself, dont worry. Everybody has doubts. You just get better hiding them with age.

Practise media literacity and try to read things from many different perspectives. Its easy to start demonising one side of any situation if everything you know comes from the other side.

Try to take things one step at a time. For the first step, prioritize what you need to do into a list, and then start at the top and work slowly downwards. But don't take on more than 2 or 3 things at once.

The prioritized list might look overwhelming and stress you out. But remember that you are taking an active, organized step towards getting things under control, and give yourself lots of credit and praise for doing that. And things might seem like they are going slowly, especially at first. But remember that you are making progress, even when it might seem like you aren't.

A foreword: there is no picture. The future has guidelines, tendencies, but no actual shape. There's nothing you're supposed to do. Life isn't planned out all at once. Those days are dead. In fact, they nay never have existed. You will become a new person, and have a new career or focus or stage of life, about once every 11 years. That's normal. That's life's uncertainty.

The piece of advice is the one I've given on many platforms for years: if you're —

• North American and

• from any "settler-colonial" culture and

• you're able,

then leave North America for at least one year. Live elsewhere, see how others live, and break out of the bubble built by the preschool to prison pipeline, the corporate cradle to coffin collective consciousness. This advice isn't exclusively for Gringos and Canucks, but it's based on the particular starting square I had and most of the people I've encountered. Also, I don't mean to exclude my Indigenous, Mexican, Mexica, and other Latino brothers and sisters, but my understanding is that you've already got reality pushing the movement narrative.

If you're a a first-generation North American (like me), also build connections within your community. There is much work to be done to diversify these places and so many other new, and first-gens could use some support. Detachment from one another is what harms us most. The communities I've had outside of El Norte continue to feed me. Admittedly, the job I have and the hours I keep prevent community-building. I need to get back to it.

Finally, get smart about money. Find teachers, take meetings at banks, go to teachings at libraries. Study the jargon in your credit card agreements. Make investments in yourself and your future. I failed pretty spectacularly at this one.

As far how to choose WHAT to do with all your time, well, the only thing I'd advise is to be a crafty, insightful, decisive disruptor. Nothing else that I've seen works. Be the best there is at a small thing you do. Identify a critical mass for your work and work hard to get to the place where 15% of the people you talk to will say 'yes' to you. Gain your repeat customers, followers, students, and acolytes. You can do what want. The trick is to have people support you or believe in your doing it.

Just a digest of what Ive seen here so far:

don't get bogged down planning too far ahead. Set yourself some achievable goals for the near future.

This is good advice.

there is a good chance that your future could look very different than what you imagine it might be.

This is not advice, but true and warrants remembering because you can bend the future.

find a good strategy for managing upkeep on whatever needs it.

Many people forget that anything and everything you obtain and want to keep working will require maintenance. Machines, subject knowledge, relationships, tools, whatever — all need upkeep. Know your shit so you can keep your shit together.

Focus on improving a single thing you can do in the short term.

I'd add to this. Short term goals should not be ends in themselves unless they are for entertainment. If you're focusing on a short term goal, connect it to a long term goal.

get[ ] a union job if you don’t have employment figured out yet.

Unions can protect you. But, if you're looking for satisfaction, the job has to be what you want it to be. Or, take pleasure in the union connections. If neither of these feeds you, a union can't save you from yourself.

Anyway, you asked and I'm stuck in a waiting room.

Try your best to learn to be okay when you're uncomfortable. Getting a handle on your emotions so you can be objective is huge. Shitty people are going to bother you, you'll feel like you dont know what you're doing, you'll have really frustrating days, you'll second guess your decisions, shit will just not go your way sometimes, you'll hate someone you work with/for, the world will be scary (socially, politically and generally) and you'll always wonder if you're doing the right thing. These are all anxieties that come with being an adult and no matter what you do, they will not disapear. Learn (through introspection, education and/or therapy) how to be okay when you're feeling uncomfortable/anxious/doomed. You'll be fine, just start patting yourself on the back for every little win and try not to beat yourself up too much for every loss, any size. You'll be okay.

What are you excited about?

Remember that hobby you liked to do as a kid but either grew out of or moved out of home, whatever. Pick that thing back up. At the very least, it'll be a short term distraction. It could end up sticking for life, as well.

I'm in the midst of a potential lifelong bout of model train autism. It just escaped me for the past 15 years. It's back now, and I love working on it.