Strange that it's not in this thread yet:
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Strange that it's not in this thread yet:
ICE
Any governmental position really. It all sounds incredibly unstable with all of the news with federal wages and benefits. Unless you're an actual politician, life as federal worker must be incredibly stressful.
Not sure how anyone with two functional neurons to rub together would want to become a violent fascist goon. I mean, the hope is there that they will all be eventually swinging from gallows, but sometimes evil does get away.
Defense jobs
Law enforcement. Because I have ethics.
I never understood this
Yeah, law enforcement has it's problems, especially in the US where pretty much every police officer is corrupt, but the US is rather an exception in the western world.
There ARE actual criminals out there that, of left unchecked, basically will grow to trump type mobsters who abuse the shit out of everyone and everything around them
You're fine with that, then?
Retail Security. I just don't give a shit to protect monied interests from regular folks trying to save some $$.
Not to mention the boredom of standing around all day.
Deep sea diving repairs.
You have to go into a pressure chamber as soon as humanly possible when you arrive from the deep void of nothingness or else you rupture and die. If anyone needs a union it is those guys. They should be paid 3x the ceo's salary.
Also, sketch YouTube comedians like Smosh, Dropout, etc... I couldn't be "on" doing comedy for 6-8 hours a day recording constantly.
I used to work at a payroll company and our highest workers' comp rates were:
Underwater welders
Seawall builders
Race car drivers
In that order.
What injuries did underwater welders and seawall builders get?
Underwater welders, electrocution. You can imagine, all the risks of diving plus welding, plus combining electricity and water.
Seawall builders, the whole process is dangerous because of the water, they can drown or be hit by heavy construction materials.
I just always found it interesting that those were more risky than race car driving. Our highest individual claim actually was a landscaper hit by lightning, who died, but sadly, he did not die quickly, suffered in hospital for some days.
I don't support your reasoning. From what I know about deco diving is a lot of them have brain issues as they get older due to the extreme pressures. I don't think it's because of drowning
Medicine. I just don't see myself being responsible for the health and lives of other people - but I'm grateful to the people who practice that.
I wouldn’t be able to work in sales, marketing, or any client-facing corporate role since I find those interactions very draining and dislike having to negotiate or push people into something they aren’t already at least a little bit receptive to, especially if I don’t fully support that thing myself.
The best sales people are those who - on a per-interaction basis - spend as little time as possible working over marks.
It’s called fail-fast. You want to determine as fast as possible if the person you have approached is going to be an easy mark or not. You use a variety of openers and follow-up questions to determine whether you should just wish them well and move on, or actually focus on them to see if they’ll bite.
Honestly, the absolute worst salespeople are those who chase after people who will never bite, and take offence at rejection. Because being immediately rejected is the other person doing all your work for you - they are openly telegraphing that you will waste more time on them than any benefit that will come out of them. Which is why a “f**k off” should always be followed by a “thank you”. Take that as gospel, fail them fast, and move onto the next person.
Thanks for the info and for teaching me the term fail-fast. I figured salespeople had their own strategies but didn’t know this term. It’s definitely not a job for everyone.
ICE.
Data entry. Probably the ADHD but I also have bad typing proficiency and I've been on a PC since like a preteen. I'm 31 now. I have no excuse but also I just can't put myself to what seems like torture to me. My mind wanders.
Anything where I have to deal with human shit.
You mean like actual sewage or just like any common corporate environment?
feces
Desk job of most any kind.
Any job with the threat of violence, to me or me to others.
Off shore rigs/commercial fishing
I like the ocean but I think I might go insane there
I watched a video about UNDER WATER oil drilling (or something like that, not sure if I got the terminology correct), and like they talk about how workers have to go in a fucking submarine and then they have to live in a tiny living space under water and also they need to spend 8 hours to slowly depressurize before they can resurface...
Nah, fucking caustrophobia is gonna kill me.
Most of them, I suppose. The list of jobs I could do well enough to be paid for is a shorter one than those I can't.
I think any purely manual, highly repetitive job would kill me. Like assembly line work.
I worked as a dishwasher in a small restaurant as a teenager. Those 2 4-hour shifts felt like they lasted DAYS.
Law enforcement. I was already in law enforcement and I'll never do it again. It felt like I was a babysitter for idiots: breaking up fights, handling drunk people, de-escalating domestic issues, etc. Working on the border is shit, too. I'd never want to be in a situation where I have to deal with migrants at the behest of the government.
I've seen an awful lot of bodycam videos to agree. I feel bad for the ones that have to shoot somebody. I've even seen some bodycam footage where cops do breakdown after shooting someone. They're really wishing things never had to go that way, but did because some very crazy people do crazy things or decide to suicide by cop.
"I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day." ~Mitch Hedberg
Doctor
I hate gore-y stuff eww
But since I'm East Asian in a western country, I remember when I was in K-12 school, I get a lot of "Are you gonna be a Doctor?" comments and I'm just like... 🫠
Probably never gonna be a politician...
I hate to have every embarassing moment in my past get disected by the opposition
Also fuck public speaking, cuz I know someone is gonna clip it and replay any gaffles
HR. I don't like people, and I don't care about corporate affairs.
Or daycare. I have four on my own, and they're more than enough. Work hours are my hours of relief.
Judge. I have no idea how you can punish people all day long and not stay up at night worrying that you made wrong decisions that ruined lives overmuch
It's especially bad when you look at time of day stats and see that, on average, judges push harsher sentencing right before their lunch break.
It's wild that we have a system that ruins people's lives that's affected by how hungry one person is
If you think being a judge is about punish people you then you definitely should not be a judge.
Any job to do with food. Restaurant, bar, cafe, pizzeria, whatever. I just feel utterly incompetent there.
And it's not just cooking, even being a cashier or delivery guy is impossible for me. I can't put it into words, but I am just incapable of doing it.
My oldest brother went to work for McDonald's, then later for Hardees as a manager. I remember how his room smelled. Like old grease and sadness. He lost feeling in his fingers due to working the grill and was working all the time.
I vowed never to work in food, ever. Now 40 years later, I still haven't. Although for a bit different reason, as I love to cook and have made it a hobby. I would not want to make something I love to do into something I HAVE to do.
A bartender or barista. Just the thought of having to know how to instantly make an untold number of drinks, with infinite variations and customizations, and get it fucking perfect every single time fills me with dread.
If you do a job like that, please know that I consider you a wizard.
You absolutely don't have to know a lot, and cheating is what you do when you don't know.
Also, "perfect"? Add more alcohol and 90% of people will be happy. Source: memories from the nineties.
Stand up comedian.
Hi! Local comedian here! I can help field this.
Every time I do a show, I go in with the intention of being funnier and more interesting than what people are scrolling through. Usually but not always, I succeed. What makes this challenging is that all my shows are in the same venue every single time, on a regular schedule, which means I have regular audience members. I can’t let them down, so I get really prolific really fast. More material than Ricky Gervais, Jerry Seinfeld, Louis CK, and every other goddamn hack under the sun, at the same fucking time (good comics excepted—shoutouts to Randy Feltface, James Acaster, and more). Most of it gets tested in my corporate call center day job, which gets me decent CSAT ratings.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I did comedy as a day job instead of a night job. Would I enjoy telling the exact same show to a lot of different venues? Fuck no. Wouldn’t laugh at my own shit half as much.