this post was submitted on 21 Jan 2026
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The (English) names of the planets were dubbed by ancient Romans (and presumably before that the Greeks) based on their ancient gods that few people believe in, hell, most people don't know why the planets are named such anymore.

If I remember correctly:

  • Mercury was named after the messenger god as it travelled the sky the fastest (shortest orbit around the Sun)
  • Venus was named after the goddess of love and beauty as it was the second brightest object in the night sky, after the Moon
  • Mars was named after the god of war, as it was blood red
  • Jupiter was named after the king of the Gods (Zeus in Greek mythos), I guess because it was the largest? Also, it was the second slowest planet the ancient Romans could see
  • Saturn was named after Jupiter's father (Cronus in Greek mythos) as it moved in the sky even slower than Jupiter
  • Uranus was discovered around 1800s and named after the father of Saturn and the titans, and a bunch of other legends. I guess going from grandson to grandfather when going from Jupiter to Uranus? Uranus was also the god of the sky I think (at least, initially. Then I think Uranus was killed by Saturn, who was then subsequently killed by Jupiter because Saturn kept on eating his own children)
  • Finally, Neptune was discovered later, and named after the Roman god of the sea since it looked very blue

Sorry Pluto, but you're not a planet anymore. I think Pluto was named after the god of the underworld (equiv. of Hades), it was that or the god of wealth. Maybe both?

Given all the additional information, data, images, etc. we know of the planets, if they were to be renamed, what should the new names be? What are some good names that let people know a signature characteristic of each planet? (ideally, including people unfamiliar with Roman mythos)

Silly names are okay too, but only if they are really good

If you are a Pluto believer, you could give a new name for it too.

Note that many non-English languages name the planets using a different system. For example, Chinese names the naked-eye-observable five after the 5 "elements" (e.g. Mars is literally translated as "fire star", Saturn is "earth star"), then the newly discovered Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are translations of the western names (e.g. Neptune is "king/ruler of the sea star")

edit: Some people like 1-8. I guess that would match with hypothetical Planet 9? (or X if you're a Pluto believer) Wouldn't be all that helpful though, and it makes the planets feel rigid, boring, and not very fun at all.

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Name them after Snow White and the Dwarfs.

[–] mech@feddit.org 26 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Mercury = Moth (circling closest to the sun)
Venus = Ant (has acid)
Earth = Scarab (shining blue where it isn't covered in dung)
Mars = Firebug (red)
Jupiter = Dragonfly (biggest insect)
Saturn = Wasp (has rings around it)
Uranus = Phasmid (slowest moving)
Neptune = Midge (insect found in the coldest climates)
Pluto = Tick (tiny and not actually an insect)

[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 4 points 3 weeks ago

Neat. Insects are pretty cool.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Grey, white, green, red, stripey, ringy, lightblue and darkblue

EDIT: I was misinformed about uranus and neptune. Instead I suggest re-renaming them to "Blue" and "splotchy Blue"

[–] remon@ani.social 7 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

green

Yes, let's name the famously blue planet "green".

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

But how will we tell the difference as Neptune is more blue

[–] nightwatch_admin@feddit.nl 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 weeks ago

If I was green I'd die.

[–] remon@ani.social 3 points 3 weeks ago

Blue Planet II

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[–] e0qdk@reddthat.com 5 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

darkblue

It's also light blue; pictures of it were just always published with exaggerated colors for a long time. It's actually more like this if you do better color calibration, apparently:

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I learned a thing today!

Maybe "splotchy blue"

[–] Zoot@reddthat.com 2 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Does "color calibration" mean what it would look like to the naked eye, if we were up close and personal?

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[–] CameronDev@programming.dev 11 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

I'd rename Pluto after Mickey's dog

[–] DosDude@retrolemmy.com 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Goofy is a dog. I think you mean Mickey's dog.

[–] CameronDev@programming.dev 4 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Err, yeah, that. I dunno why I thought he was Goofys. Thanks :)

[–] gjoel@programming.dev 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Muffin
Bluey
Bingo <- you are here
Lucky
Bandit
Chili
Stripe
Trixie

I know earth might be more bluey than Venus, but I would love to live on Bingo. And we're kinda like fleas anyway so I think the theme is a good one.

[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 6 points 3 weeks ago

This is Socks erasure!

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[–] ikidd@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Pluto

Herman

[–] sanguinepar@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

I'd go with:

Mercury - Who
Venus - What
Earth - I Dunno
Mars - Why
Jupiter - Because
Saturn - Naturally
Uranus - Tomorrow
Neptune - Today
Pluto - I Don't Give A Darn

[–] remon@ani.social 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 3 points 3 weeks ago

Sol I - VIII

[–] palordrolap@fedia.io 6 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Innie, Spinny, Sh-thole, Bob; Spotty, Hula, Turquoise, Outie. (Phteven)

Bonus bonus: Cark. Ceres gets to keep its initial like Pluto.

Spinny is ironic.

If you want serious... uh, well you could attempt to apply exoplanet order-of-discovery and label things Sol x where x is the order letter, but I think that gives (Sol) c, d, a, e, f, g, h, i. "b" would be the Moon, stricken from the list, or renamed to a-something once it was identified as a non-planet.

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[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 4 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Bake, pressure cook, ferment, dry, poisony squish, weak poisny squish, freezy squish, freezy squish 2: revenge of the squish, and various flavors of "freeze dry" for the TNOs

[–] wildncrazyguy138@fedia.io 2 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

You just named them after your poops, didn’t you?

[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 2 points 3 weeks ago

Heh. No. I thought about a piece of food on the inner planets and realized I had nothing for the outer ones by didn't feel like re-thinking the concept

[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 2 points 3 weeks ago

Interesting

[–] fartographer@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

I think your question is egotistical. We should send letters to the planets asking them what they want to be called. Until then, we can name all of them variants of "TheFartographer" to celebrate my incredible humility.

[–] Zier@fedia.io 3 points 3 weeks ago

Sun -Luma

Atto Breen Celion Dek Euton Frim Greva Holo

For good measure... Pluto -Isela

[–] VivianRixia@piefed.social 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Flash, Mina, Ivy, Nanaki, Ororo, Elsa, Addams, Manhattan, Wheatley

Flash is fastest.
Mina is acidic.
Ivy is full of plants.
Nanaki is red.
Ororo is famous for it's storms.
Elsa is best known for it's beautiful ice.
Addams is an oddball that does it's own thing.
Manhattan is blue.
Wheatley is rejected by it's peers.

[–] HorikBrun@kbin.earth 2 points 3 weeks ago

Groucho Harpo Chico Zeppo Gummo ... Mario Aragorn And Geront (just to be an edgy goth twit)

[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

If it were up to me, I would go with:

Mercury -> Planet Grey Rubble / Rockland

Venus -> Acid Death Cloud / Planet Acid Yellow / Acid Deathland

Earth -> Planet Dirt / Homeland

Mars -> Red Rovertopia / Planet Red Rover / Red Roverland

Jupiter -> Planet Big / Bigland

Saturn -> Great (Onion) Rings / Planet Ringring (or Planet Onion Rings) / (Onion) Ringland

Uranus -> Toppled Side / Planet Sideways / Sideland

Neptune -> Planet Storm / Thunderland

Bold are the non-"standardised" names, non-bold are the names that could be standardised, "Planet A" or "Zland"

[–] PM_me_your_doggo@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago

Mercury Venus FUCK Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Steve

[–] Contramuffin@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago

I mean... If we treated the sun to be just another star (ie, if the astronomers got their way), the planets would probably be called Sol b, Sol c, Sol d, Sol e, Sol f, Sol g, Sol h, and Sol i.

Sol a would be reserved for the sun, of course.

[–] KingOfTheCouch@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 weeks ago

I don't know about the rest but we gotta rename Uranus so people stop making juvenile jokes. I propose Urectum.

[–] HazardousBanjo@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

From Mercury to Neptune:

Bob

Lindsay

SpicyDiccMcThunderNutzzz

Nelson

Jimmy

Sarah

Hannah

Toby

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[–] sbeak@sopuli.xyz 2 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

p.s. if the ancient planets were named by monotheists (that's the word, right? Like how atheist means believing in no god, monotheist means believing in just one god) and were named after their god (singular), they would all probably be simply called "God" (maybe something like "God's hand" and "God's head" if they wanted to be smart about it?)

[–] breadsmasher@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)
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[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 weeks ago

Myanus, Theiranus, Heranus, Hisanus, Ouranus

[–] Libb@piefed.social 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

then the newly discovered Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are translations of the western names (e.g. Neptune is “king/ruler of the sea star")

Not sure to understand your remark. I mean, like you noticed, most planets save the earth (soil) are named after Roman (and a few Greek) divinities; aka Western names.

Beside that to answer your question I would say: 1, 2, 0, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Or if they were to be renamed in a more considerate way, we would need to know why they need to be renamed. I mean is there any reason to change the names? I like 'Bob' a lot by I'm not sure it would make for great name for 'Mars', nor would 'Penelope' (another Greek character btw, unlike Bob) for 'Venus' ;)

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