Ask Lemmy

Sticking my finger in the barrel of a cops gun so it blows up in their face.

Gonna see if i can cross over to the apartment opposite me by not looking down. This could be a miracle for transportation!

Letting her know I like her by launching my eyeballs out of their sockets and dropping my tongue completely to the floor.

edit: Forgot the old-timey car horn sound.

arOOOOgah!

Pulling a giant hammer out of my pocket

Hire a bird to paint a realistic-looking tunnel with my workplace behind it on my garage door, and drastically reduce commute times.

I'm going to blow into my thumb and make my dick huge.

Carry around a ACME black hole, just in case.

Having a little hat with a propeller that allows me to fly

Imma buy a LOT of anvils

Launching out of a cannon and floating to safety at the end by opening a very small umbrella.

Amazed nobody has said float through the air on the waft of a delicious pie yet

Honestly I think having someone pull a giant mallet out and squish me like a pancake would fix me.

Have a conversation with my now-talking dog.

I don't think anyone has mentioned buying some invisible paint!

Farting so hard I fly

I work as a slot technician. One of our jobs is moving slot machines with hand trucks. When setting them down, one typically counterbalances the weight of the machine with their body. I wanna get catapulted across the casino floor, fly through the air while screaming like Goofy, and hit the wall leaving a silhouette-shaped hole.

Thankfully, the only injury I should sustain is little coins going around my head.

Draw a tunnel or a door on a wall and see where it leads. Perhaps into the room on the other side, maybe into a pocket dimension.

Standing in air and looking down for a sec

I'm going to Costco and buying a palette of bananas.

I can probably cut my commute time by 80% and sow mass chaos in the process.

Painting a door on a wall that actually works

Cut down a tree by standing on a branch and cutting the branch from the tree.

Jump from the highest building in town and use my pants as a parachute.

This depends on whether it's permanent or transitory. I don't want to be half-way through a stunt...

tunnel through things using paint

Phone call someone and during the split screen physically jump into their side of the call.

Not reading the book on gravity, for starters. 🤌🏼

Step #1: Integrate "AI" into all ACME products; including anvils and dynamite.

Step #2: Draft press release that we expect to have solved the "roadrunner conundrum" by the end of the third quarter.

Step #3: Repeat Step #2 for a couple of years.

Step #4: Fail to deliver on the promise of Step #2.

Step #5: Exit the business with my now substantial fortune, leaving the Wyle E. Coyote holding the bag.

I'm flattening myself into pancake to fit through the crack of a door, and then walking off a cliff without looking down to fly. I may also want a drink, so I'll just reach off camera and grab one.

Boing! Boing! Jumping off a roof so I can bounce bounce bounce, I can't jump for shit IRL and I want to.

Also maybe some NSFW stuff I am not about to detail.

If it counts, I'd love to have a portable black circle disk thing like in Toontown so I could return home in an instant.

If that doesn't count, I wouldn't mind having falls only cause me to accordion and not take much, if any, damage if I land on my feet paws.

Edit: Instant, not instance.

Also, realized being able to grab things from thought bubbles visible only to me would be nice. Need to defend myself? I now have a, hopefully, fully loaded glock whenever I need one.

Run down the beach to see how far I can get across the lake before I start sinking.

Use a seesaw-style lever and fulcrum to give free rides into space. I want a turn, too.

Picture this. The flintstones car, to help the environment.

And have it drift where hurricanes hit hardest.

Alternatively, with some help:

So it can float away from Canada and Mexico.

I'm gonna sneak up behind you, and...

MEEP! MEEP!

Shit myself into orbit: https://youtu.be/MeXT0gNeSvM