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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/scarekrow25 on 2026-01-14 17:05:08+00:00.
I'm in Chicago doing some work, my wife is with me and stuck in a boring hotel room much of the day. So after work I took her to a nearby mall to get her out of that room a for a bit.
Walking through the mall, my stomach suddenly started cramping severely. I almost bent over in agony. It would ease for a few steps, then come back. I told my wife that I needed to find a restroom quickly.
Despite having to stop and grab my stomach every few steps, I eventually reached the restrooms. I quickly got into a stall and proceeded to empty my bowels. However, this was no ordinary toilet experience. Perhaps it was the hotel breakfast or maybe it was the Mexican food from a couple days prior, we may never know. But what we can be sure of is that something was not right.
What followed is sufficient evidence that no purely good and all powerful God can exist. No good deity with the power to prevent it would allow a world where what happened in that restroom was possible. Every other person cleared out. Some people came in and turned around. The smell was so horrid I almost had to vomit. If you've ever quickly released the air from a balloon you're familiar with the sound that enveloped the restroom, only imagine it was the Goodyear blimp being released instead. I'm pretty certain I saw paint peeling off the door to the stall. Each time I thought I was finished it started again. I don't know what horrible things I must have done in a prior life, but certainly I was being punished for it now.
After a good 15 minutes of hell that made my prior colonoscopy prep seem like a trip to Disney World I was finally finished. I stood up and the automatic flush system on the toilet did its magic, flushing the toilet with immense force. The force was so strong that it forced water outside of the porcelain bowl straight up into the air. Before I could react, the watery mess from the toilet covered me like a stinky brown bukake scene you might find in a Brazilian porno.
I cleaned up the best I could in a public restroom. It was made a little easier because by this point nobody was coming in that bathroom. When I came out my wife didn't even want to be near me anymore, I think she may be contemplating divorce. I brought permanent shame on my family. My ancestors are likely being evicted from heaven for having had me in their bloodline.
TLDR - I used the mall restroom to take a massive dump and ended up covered in poo water by the automatic flushing system.