Ask Lemmy

I sold blow-pops (suckers surrounding bubblegum on a stick) for $0.25 in junior high (1986?) [bought them at PriceClub now CostCo?]. Chaos ensued on the playground. My mother got called to the Asst. Princ. office.

Infamously hated student dean at an otherwise pretty normal HS was known for sitting in her office and watching students on the security cameras so she could dole out punishment for incredibly minor stuff like being late to class, running in the halls, and covering your face (was seen as an attempt to thwart the cameras or security) etc.

However, she was visibly in a more angry mood when on physical rotation like watching the Cafeteria during lunch, so people would avoid any interaction with her like the plague.

Anyways, one day during a very cold winter lunch one of my friends entered into the cafeteria from outside with his hood up, hands in pockets, and visibly covered in snow from walking outside. Rest of our friend group was already sitting at our usual table as he's rolling up. Student dean has already clocked him and within maybe 10 seconds of entering the building, is asked to remove his hood.

Buddy replies with "oh sorry, I was cold"

We watched as the dean proceeded to tear into him for "talking back" and "insubordination" before he got hauled off to the main office and was given a weeks worth of after school detention.

Funniest thing was we were warned about the atrocious Dean by the previous year's Valedictorian. No one liked her.

This isn't my story it was a friend, but I think about it often and it still makes me laugh. It was high school English class and the teacher asked "does anybody know the famous quote from 'The Elephant Man'?" and without missing a beat my friend put his arm in front of his face like and elephant trunk and made a loud and accurate elephant noise while slowly waving his arm up. Everybody thought it was hilarious except for the teacher who sent him to sit in the hall for the rest of the period. So he's sitting out there and 5 minutes later the door opens and another kid comes out and my friend is like "what did you do wrong?" and the other kid goes "I couldn't stop laughing"

Which is fucking great. Gets me every time.

Eating chips in a class we were allowed to eat in. Other kids were eating when I got sent to the office and I got in more trouble for pointing that out. Painting my nails. I was told to stop, asked to go to the bathroom, and got in trouble when I came back with my nails fully painted. And in a situation where the whole class was told to be silent, but the teacher refused to look at any of us, I noticed someone (who was the type that never got in trouble) was pretty impatiently waving her hand around, so I told the teacher she needs something and was sent to the office. OH now that I'm writing I'm thinking of more. Some kid groped me in the middle of the cafeteria and I was scolded for pushing the issue because "he's a good kid who was just "being silly" and these kinds of things can really follow someone ya know." He later spent time in prison. And there was a girl who was a huge bully that I told to stop picking on someone who was afraid of getting hurt (I truly had a death wish, the girl was 3x my size) and she threatened to jump me in the bathroom. She harrassed me for weeks and I definitely aggravated the situation because I refused to be intimidated. I'd announce when I was going to the bathroom, tell her nows your chance etc. I was asked to leave her alone bc if she were to get into another fight she would be sent to juvie. She is currently in prison. Really backwards logic in that school

I was caught making out with my girlfriend.

I should mention that this was an all-girl Catholic ~~cult~~ school in the early 80s. Not only was I expelled but my parents moved us to a different country because they were so ashamed.

Throwing a dime onto an empty stage

I absent-mindedly hummed the theme to Coach (a 90s sitcom) during class in which the teacher was a football coach.... He sent me to detention for it.

Calling my teacher a dog after he called me a horse. This is no joke, my mother was called in.

I got detention multiple times for reading in class before they basically gave up. I was getting good grades and paying just enough attention to the classes I read through that if called on I could participate, but it was boring and slow, and books kept me from being disruptively bored. I barely stopped reading all day and would burn through 1,000 page books in under 2 days (the public library gave me a second card to use for inter library loan to not use my normal checkout slots on shipping days :). Thing is, detention didn’t have a no reading rule, because in a school that would be silly, so I’d just… keep reading. So they called my mom who was like yep, they just read all day here too, so they stopped trying to punish me for it. My English teacher had the right idea and didn’t care if I read the assigned books or paid attention in class as long as I did the vocab tests and wrote up a one-page report on every single book I finished. Far more work, but much better suited to what I was going to do anyway.

I also got in trouble multiple times for wearing absolutely nothing other than pj pants (like yea shirts and stuff too but never jeans). I contested them giving me detention for it, and got off because it wasn’t an official rule in the handbook, something I’d explicitly checked prior to my wardrobe shift to comfort and giving no fucks. They changed the handbook the next year and I switched to solid color athletic pants in obnoxiously bright colors, and I again got in trouble, and contested, and same thing got off because it wasn’t explicitly mentioned.

Wanting to learn.

I was apart of a very orthodox religious school who's main appeal is their dual curriculum setup. They start with judaics at 7 am with secular studies from 12:40 pm to 5 pm and then more judaics from 7 - 9 pm. I never had a proper education and when I went to the secular education principle to be put back into arithmetic, she got quite pissed at me and mocked me for even wanting this. I went on a complete and utter fucking tangent not going to school until they fucking put me in arithmetic.

After I somehow graduated in 2022 (with absolutely fucking nothing -- no diploma or anything) i went to community college and finished multivariate calculus from arithmetic within 2 years span. Shit I even graduated with a degree in mathematics.

I recently went back and started substituting there during my winter break off of university, and it has effectively become so fucking shitty that while I was subbing, the entire day was spent drawing... fucking drawing.

These aren't kindergartners, these are 6th, 7th, and 8th graders, they should be learning algebra at this point, and they're just familiarizing themselves with exponents. The 8th grade doesn't even have a teacher to teach fucking math.

With all that said, I sent an email to the principle implying a dillema, "either you can bring the secular program up to standard, or I will cut it" the principle never responded and I may have no choice but to send a cease and desist letter as a more formal course of action and an additional warning if they don't cooperate.

Forced to go to a private catholic HS. Dress code for boys included collared shirts. Regularly didn't wear one. Regularly "caught" and issued detention. By the time I left and for a couple of decades later, as I understand it, I held the record for most hours of detention (~183). Jokes on them as the detention monitor helped me with school work and gave me my first (of many) handjobs. She was a pro.

In the sixth grade I got my first detention ever because I picked up my baseball cap.

We were on a field trip and we went to visit some museum in the capital by train. While we walked back to the train station, our teacher stated that "no one is to step out of the train before her permission or they will get detention". I was the last to get on the train and my cap hit the backpack of the classmate in front of me and fell out of the train doors. I instinctively turned around, leaned out whist holding onto a safety bar and picked my cap. And stepped back on board.

I was a calm kid and had never broken any school rules or gotten into any trouble whatsoever. So when my classmates saw me putting one feet outside the train they simply flipped: "TEACHER, LORINDÓL STEPPED OUT OF THE TRAIN! YOU'RE GETTING A DETENTION!"

I was utterly dumbfounded. My "friends" had betrayed me and the teacher was approaching and looking angry. With tears in my eyes I explained what had happened and reminded her that we still had more than 10 minutes until the train doors would even close. Her face went from angry to sad and she silenced my heckling classmates with a few strict words. She told me that we would discuss this when we were back at school.

When we got back, everyone else got to go home and the teacher asked me to our classroom with her. "Lorindól, I'm very sorry. I have to give you detention because you did step out of the train, even if it was for all the right reasons. I understand you acted instinctively and did not mean to break any rules. But I must keep my word or it will lose it's meaning. As stupid as this sounds, the purpose of this detention is not to punish you. It's purpose is to show the others that my word is the law in this classroom, with no exceptions. I hope you can understand why I must do this." I thought about it for a while and said that I did.

When I told my parents about the detention my dad couldn't stop laughing. "You finally get a detention and it's for NOTHING!"

Mom was so angry that she wanted to call the teacher and make her call the detention off. I managed to talk her out of it and didn't hold any grudge against the teacher. I learned a lot about the world of adults that day.

I was disciplined for 'disturbing' the class by correcting my teacher when she said the elephant was the largest mammal in the world... And no, I did not say 'yo mama'...

1. I cursed on a merry go round while in 4th grade with kindergartners on it. All the other of my supposed peers were "absolutely shocked and appalled" I cussed in front of kids who hear more curse words at home. Side note, I was the school pariah everyone picked on, I've heard these shits say worse things in front of younger kids.
2. A teacher threatened me to take off my trench coat in high school. He looked like he was going to physically assault me while wearing it, one of the shit head gym teachers, and I asked him why. Told "That's not the question you should be asking right now." He apparently reported it to the principal who just walked up to me at lunch while wearing it, opened it up and said "No guns." Then left. I think the principal knew why I was dressed like that, the gym teacher was a fucking asshole.

2 things.

I would get my hand hit with a ruler so I would not write with my left hand. My over 60 yr old spinster teacher said it was a sign of the devil.

Second time also involved the same batshit crazy teacher. I was outside the classroom by the windows and there was this big sheet of steel on the ground. I being a dumb kid thought it would be fun to jump up and down on it making a very large racket whilst happily jumping. Teacher comes out and starts boxing my ears screaming why did you not stop, I kept telling you from the window. All I said was it was loud.

I don't know how stupid it was but I started taking the bulb out of the overhead projector. The lady teaching put it right next to me everyday and the fan was going bad. The noise it made was driving me crazy and she just ignored me when I asked her to turn it off. I got caught taking one and they went ape shit over it in admin. Finally after one of them went down to the room and listened to the POS running inquired to the teacher how she expected anyone to be able to concentrate with that in their ear everyday they backed off a bit. Still got in trouble but I was smiling the whole time. For years after I was out of school I flipped that old biddy the bird every time I ran into her.

Guilt by association. Or rather, actually, proximity.

One day, when I was in middle school, there was a food fight. Nothing climactic like you'd see in the movies, just a few boys sitting at the same table throwing French fries at each other, escalating to M&Ms. Someone's half-pint of milk got knocked over. Faculty was quick to shut it down and issue punishment.

Rather than considering who started the fight or who escalated it, the teacher decided to simply drop the hammer on everyone seated at the table, equally. Including myself and three other kids, who weren't in the fight at all.

During band, I left my trombone on the stand, and went into the instrument room to get something out of my case. When I returned and tried to play my horn, it was badly muffled. I tried to open it up with a blast, and a bunch of paper fell out. While I was gone, my section mates had torn up a piece of paper and stuffed it in my bell.

It wasn't what they were hoping, the paper more fell out than blasted out, but I got the detention anyway, even though I was the innocent victim of a vicious prank.

I survived. It was the trombone section, I was guilty of numerous other infractions I was never punished for.

The first thing that came to mind wasn't actually in school, it was at home, but it was when I had just got home from school so I hope it's okay.

I was eating nutella from the jar, with a spoon. Like a goblin. I had a huge amount on my spoon. Suddenly, the front door opens and in my embarrassment for eating this large quantity of hazelnut sugar, I quickly shoved the jar away in the cupboard, and snuck by my parents with the spoon behind my back.

Uh oh. I was planning on eating the nutella in my room, off the spoon, but I realised it was far too much nutella. Maybe I lost my appetite. Either way, the only recourse in my mind was to dump the contents of the spoon down the toilet, and stash the spoon to be returned at a later date.

Not only did the nutella not flush, but I also didn't notice that it hadn't flushed, leaving a sight that I'm sure we can all imagine. My parents were furious, we actually had guests so they were livid that they could have seen this. They pulled me to one side, were basically yelling at me: "We're not mad you did it, we're mad you're lying to us about it."

I didn't know what to do. I just kept telling the truth. I was eating nutella and didn't want to get into trouble for the gigantic spoonful so I tried to hide it. Resulting in a stalemate.

Anyway, I'm not sure they actually remember this happening, but it was quite traumatic for me because I was otherwise quite a good boy.

I got detention once for being sleepy, I didn't know until recently that I had been dealing with chronic low blood pressure problems as a result of a diet thst didn't sustain my body properly, the load on my body was from school mostly so I couldn't just reduce it and I couldn't really eat more because school lunches weren't enough and snacking wasn't allowed.

It's a universal thing I think. So many little injustices that stay with us well into adulthood!

I have two. One goes way back to when I was 6, some 42 years ago.

We were on a field trip to a beach in the summer, which, given we live on a group of small islands, wasn't exactly imaginative, but I guess the teachers just wanted out of the classroom.

Anyway, the task was to collect seaweed. I came back with a bit of kelp, with the 'leaves' missing, so I guess it looked a bit like wood.

The teacher seems to think so, and insisted that it was just a wooden stick. It clearly wasn't, as anyone who paid the blindest bit of attention would know. But she dismissed my weak protest and that was that. It was at that point, I guess, I learned a valuable lesson: some adults are fucking stupid.

The other incident was when I was 9. I was a good, polite boy in school and was never cheeky. Anyway, at the end of each day, we had to stand and be quiet for 30 seconds before we could leave class.

On this occasion I had the hiccups. The teacher held me back for half an hour and lectured me on respecting authority. She genuinely thought my hiccups, which are involuntary by definition, we're put on deliberately to provoke her. Needless to say, that reinforced the lesson I'd learned with the seaweed.

I needed to pee. I had to bring a doctor's note saying that, yes, I needed to pee.

Not me, but I witnessed it. ~7th grade 2 boys were playing a game between the rows of desks where they interlock the fingers of one of each of their hands. Then, they smack the back of their interlocked hands with their free hand until one of them quits and let's go. The teacher was walking up and down the rows... apparently okay with this. I'm not sure of the exact sequence of events, but somehow, the planets aligned. One of them quit while the other was mid swing and he slapped the teacher's ass. Hard. Hard enough that it made a loud clap. The look on that kid's face... blushing red and turning pale at the same time.

Due to the way my school issued punishments, I got the same punishment for getting into a fight as I did for being a few minutes late to class. 2 days in school suspension.

Self defense in middle school. I was awkward for at least 2 years due to some life events (bipolar mom that kicked me out of not being g perfect in school, forced to move with dad that did not know how to psrent and didn't finish middle school himself) Great in class but it took a while to start interacting with all the new people I'm meeting. Ended up leading to a few fights from some of them associated with a gang and police were involved since it was "zero tolerance" never got charged since the teachers would request the footage so I wouldn't get charged for the mess but it was stressful. High school was with the same kids, at least half of them didn't graduate

Got caught skiving off an afternoon class with a friend. Unfortunately his absence was noticed and he had very strict parents who would ground him at the drop of a hat. When we were pulled up on it he said the first lie that came into his head, which was that he'd shat himself. I had to play along. Ultimately he avoided being grounded but had to get an unnecessary prostate exam and take stool hardeners for a year.

1st to 2nd grade so this was what my parents relayed to me after I grew up a bit more

Apparently I was so aggressively autistic (and relatively smart) that I not only did close to perfect on all my exams, I once did the calligraphy/writing homework so well that my teacher had to talk to my parents to know if I cheated by having them do my homework for me... FYI: my handwriting now is as bad as a doctor's

High scool, I was caught doing "grafitti" (like, micro graffiti (ꐦᄑ _ᄑ)> ) and the punishment was to come in and paint over some school walls over the weekend.

Actually I was caught doing graffiti a few times (out of school), I was a dumb kid.

I once got detention for not getting a practice test signed by my parents. I'd scored a 92, but apparently everyone else bombed, so they wanted everyone to get theirs signed, I figured that since I'd done well that it wouldn't apply to me. Oops.

4th grade, i drew handcuffs on my wrist with a pen during class. I thought it looked cool, the teacher apparently did not. The punishment was that i had to skip the next recess, and i still dont understand why i was punished, since the teacher didn't explain and i was too shy to ask.

I still have the pink slip somewhere around here, pressed into an old textbook...

But it was for "placing dog dropping shaped powerbars around the classroom"

Classroom = his desk