To whoever said that (or anyone who DON'T talk to people when trying to date): have you tried improv? Improv comedy would help you talk to people better, and would probably give you the confidence and courage
this post was submitted on 14 Jan 2026
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The apps are literally designed to keep you single
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it's not the app's fault this time
The Algorithm used to match people isn't designed to encourage healthy and normal conversations. It's designed to encourage people to spend more time on the apps (and, eventually, more money).
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it’s not the app’s fault this time
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I used to think this. Then I went on some dates, I made connections, etc.
But only once I started paying. The apps are built to maximize profit.
Hinge > Boo > Tinder > Bumble.
Most apps are owned by like 2 companies really
Yeah and they all suck as a result.
I keep meaning to have a proper look into it and see if there are any actual dating site / apps that are independent. It's a massive pain because usually you can't really tell if an app is going to be any good or if it's just another clone until after you've already signed up. It's quite the time investment.
Yea most of them suck
I tried Lovetastic and liked the fact that they don’t use pictures and it’s mostly based on text
They don’t seem to have advanced algorithms that are here to fuck you
But hey, I met my SO on a relatively niche but non ethical dating app. It was filed with ads and badly optimized but I figured out the algorithm wouldn’t be all ELO type of shit, and it worked after some time
This is exactly how it works - I became single after 13 years and so had no previous experience with dating apps, so I decided to go all in and get one month’s subscription to Hinge, Bumble and Grindr. Before the end of the month I was concurrently dating five people (four women and one man) as a bi man in his thirties. Shit was pretty cash.
A lot of people asked me why I was so successful and I told them it’s because I paid for the subscriptions. For what ended up amounting to around $100AUD I got to date a bunch of people, had some great dates and great sex, and one of those five people is now my long term partner with whom I’m living. She was one of the ‘top recommended’ people on Hinge and the algorithm really got it right!
YMMV but paying for the apps actually provides quite a good service.
Ok well, I haven't had that kind of success. But success none the less.
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Had a couple of lady friends who went on vacation to Europe - Spain and France, specifically - and had totally different experiences on the dating apps. Men were open and friendly, knew how to hold up a conversation (in non-native languages!), showed politeness, responded quickly, made first contact easy and low-anxiety, looked good, smelled nice, knew how to dance, charmed the panties right off them both, and then kept in contact afterwards. Like, even after they flew back home, these guys were still saying "Hey, what's up, here's something cool happening in my neighborhood can't wait to see you again".
Just a radically different experience than the American dating scene. One friend straight up swore off American men entirely. She's booking a flight back to France for a three month go - working remote, learning the language, the whole thing - because of how blown away by the healthier and happier social conditions over there.
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She clearly doesn't know how to talk to men either.
If all you text is "hey" to a woman as a first message, you can be sure 99.9% percent of them won't even respond.
At least he tried and gave her a compliment.
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It's sad things like this that make me think, it's too bad church is all fucked up with religion. Because "Entire families, plus any single individuals, get washed and dressed up, then join under the stained-glass windows to sit and stand and sing and go through the motions, while all the eligible sweeties pretend they're not checking out all the other eligible sweeties, and have a whole hour to think of something to say to them over the coffee and cookies afterwards. Repeat weekly" is pretty much how a lot of people found partners for generations. Especially those whose families couldn't afford ballrooms and country clubs.
I'd probably be open to the concept of a secular church. Not for dating, but just for platonic socialization and community.
There are of course things like hobby clubs you can join but you have to get lucky with those. There risk that you will just be distracted and end up with an expensive hobby.
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Even funnier with the timestamps
9/11 of a conversation
You may entice a woman with a piece of cheese. If she accepts you may then ask her to wed you.
Cheddar? I hardly know her!
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The issue isn't talking to women. The issue is talking to people you are attracted to.
I'm bi but I'm not attracted everyone. And I can tell you it takes a lot more from me to talk to someone I'm attracted to and I don't think I could easily just be normal friends with someone I badly want to fuck and just have normal conversations with them.
Women are people so you talk to them how you would talk to another person
Ok but like. Dating and flirting talk is different from normal talk. More giggly, more vibes. Some people can't do that for shit
There’s a lot of women who can’t do that either. It’s not a movie and a lot of us have the same executive functioning disorders that make this confusing. I think people need to find someone who connects with them so pretending to be someone else is a bad strategy
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I did, end result was someone actually contacts me for a date, but I just...don't feel anything, so I just end up talking to hear her life story, and nothing actually happens.
I will be single for life 🥲
But that's ok! I don't want to drag anyone into a relationship with a miserable person who does not want to live anyway (hence, relationships are last place).
I’m feeling like a lot of people relate to this these days unfortunately
"I took a mad shit today, it smelt acidic bro, even after I flushed, it stuck to the side of the bowel. I used my kegel muscles to piss at Mach 10 speed, but all it really did it spray a bit of piss on the toilet seat. So anyway how you doing, are you free to catch up for a coffee?"
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Women are literally just people. Talk to them like you talk to other people.
That’s the problem
But are they men? Have you seen gay dudes flirting? It ain't the same. Sure, they're people, what else would we all be? But they're distinctively different from men.
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bumble was designed so women could message first.
the messages: "hey"