this post was submitted on 11 Jan 2026
628 points (99.2% liked)

Not The Onion

19224 readers
1117 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

As ICE agents surged into Minneapolis, they found actual road ice to be more than a match for their wits and driving skill.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old

Fascists' ancient enemy: winter

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 7 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (4 children)

Ok, there's a Field Office 5 minutes from my home, and I just had an idea. What's a super slick hard to remove liquid one might be able to pour on concrete? Preferably clear.

[–] discocactus@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago

I mean. In freezing temps, water. Just loosen a fire hydrant.

[–] Bakkoda@lemmy.world 5 points 4 hours ago

Mineral oil. Cheap too.

[–] eah@programming.dev 3 points 3 hours ago

I'll have an answer for you just after I finish re-watching Home Alone.

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 11 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

Ice on ICE violence. Nazis on ice. The jokes write themselves

[–] Butterphinger@lemmy.zip 3 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

Nazis on ICE

"mooom can we go see Nazis on ICE?"

groooooan, Frozen on ICE, now this shit

[–] ReHomed@lemmy.cafe 6 points 4 hours ago

Absolutely fucking hilarious

Imagine spending all of your effort trying to look like this badass gestapo and you get your shit handed to you by FROZEN FUCKING WATER

[–] DylanMc6@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] orbitz@lemmy.ca 4 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Hah yeah lived up north (Canadian so adjust perception of North and South) with a mustang (not gt but rwd), you gotta be careful on road ice hell even light but of snow can cause issues. I'll say I've driven with a few vehicles before that so knew how to handle better than the southern types when it snowed occasionally and used to see people in ditches on off/on roads to the highway. That was something I'll always remember, seeing those vehicles in the ditch, just hit the gas a bit too much.

Like you don't even get people who know how to drive as a federal agency? Keystone politics. This may be only a single incident and never happen again, but only reason it's news is cause they're doing a blitzkrieg and can't even drive their cars. Sums up the entire administration.

[–] DylanMc6@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

In Kentucky, it snows sometimes in the winter - just earlier today this morning it snowed a lot, and I mean A LOT a lot.

[–] orbitz@lemmy.ca 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

I will preface I hope you and everyone around you is safe, lots of snow is no joke when driving. Not trying to one up you but I don't think Kentucky is the same as northern Canada outside odd conditions is all least not when I grew up. Mostly northern Canada winter is icy not lots of snow roads, cause we got lots of snow plows which sort of compact snow to ice it worse.

I didn't mean to mean it didn't snow much elsewhere but used to snow in September and didn't thaw till spring...well late 80s mid 90s time era. Once it started you put the tires with studs on till least April or May sort of thing.

Once drove threw fresh snow on the highway (early - mid 2000s) could just know where the highway was cause of the hump, besides the highway was ditches. Made it to the airport to rock out new years on the coast. Made sure to leave so I could drive 50kph the entire way just in case heh (normal city speed). Though the snow on highway stopped after about 300kms so could have been worse.

Again hope everyone you know is safe and all, di fucking hate winter these days lol fuck northern weather.

[–] DylanMc6@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 3 hours ago

It's okay, the snow has melted hours later. I still wish it still snows in Kentucky, though.

[–] El_guapazo@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago

I've hated ice before it was cool

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 51 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

I just love this:

"So, if you find you get stuck in 3-inch-deep snow… for starters, don’t do that. That’s not much snow. It’s embarrassing to get stuck in so little.

A few extremely basic notes:

Don’t kick the gas pedal like these ICE agents are doing. Slow and steady.
Turn on 4WD. Obviously.
If you don’t have 4WD, whatever, you should be fine. It’s really not that much snow.

If you’re stuck and can’t dig yourself out with the shovel you carry for this exact purpose, flag down a friendly Midwesterner to pull you out. Some flannel-clad hoonigan like me will happily pull you out with a rescue strap.

This works way better if you don’t have a reputation for killing unarmed women in the city you’re in, so ICE might be SOL"

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 6 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

My damned Honda Fit can get out of 3" of snow

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 4 points 5 hours ago

My old Chevy Cruze with shitty touring tires was okay until the snow got deep enough that it bottomed out on the snow. Its more driving skill and generally being willing to slow down a little and take it easy than your suspension or drivetrain that get you through the snow

[–] KayLeadfoot@fedia.io 13 points 7 hours ago

If I stop posting because I've been sent to camp, just know... I did it for comments like this <3

[–] actualaccount@sopuli.xyz 12 points 10 hours ago

Earlier this morning I thought it was an article from The Onion. It is in fact, not.

[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 18 points 13 hours ago

if you ever wondered where all those morons who can't drive and can't put the correct tiers on work...

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 18 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Leave it to the Donald Administration not to recognize basic laws of physics and, maybe, the necessity to make logistical changes.

Hopefully the next headline is about how an ICE vehicle slid off a cliff.

[–] TheGoldenV@lemmy.world 8 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Sadly Minnesota is mostly flat.

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 4 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

I heard they might have a few lakes though.

[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago

Interestingly they do. Also interesting is the kind of fun you can have with a spray bottle with water in it when it's cold.

[–] ebolapie@lemmy.world 113 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (18 children)

I don't see what the big deal is. Go slow and leave plenty of following distance. Fucking duh. They used our money to buy themselves giant 4x4 suburbans and even with every advantage they can't drive in winter conditions? Pathetic

[–] JcbAzPx@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago

I've lived most of my life in a desert. Still managed just fine the few times I've had to drive in a couple of inches of snow. These idiots have no excuse.

[–] Rakonat@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago

Using common sense and critical thinking is the antipathy for GOP and supporters of the regime. Follow all orders post haste

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 69 points 20 hours ago (4 children)

“Instructions unclear. Shot the ice, shoveled as much of it into the back of the van as possible.”

[–] cheesybuddha@lemmy.world 8 points 11 hours ago

I like this mentality, but from from your average citizens please

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (15 replies)
[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 81 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

It's like an unwritten law that if you can get someone get unstuck, you do.

You would have to be incredibly disliked to be heckled after getting stuck.

[–] Inucune@lemmy.world 31 points 15 hours ago (1 children)
[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 4 points 7 hours ago

"FFAACK OFF!"

[–] CLOTHESPlN@lemmy.world 27 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Lived here most of my life, there is no like about it. Everybody can be at the mercy of the weather and if you can help somebody you do. I've had strangers help me twice with shovels, sand in their car, pushing etc. You would have to be a massive dickhead for people to not help you, and a despicable kind of human to be heckled for it.

[–] KayLeadfoot@fedia.io 4 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, lived here most my life, and while I've never gotten stuck where I needed the assist, I am that stranger with a shovel.

For locals to not help is deeply non-normal and inhospitable behavior in the Midwest.

[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago

Inhospitable behavior is a great way to describe it, because that's the goal.

[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 18 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

I was being very... Polite... With my descriptions.

Another telling sign? The traffic passing by must have contained MAGA. It was, at least, alive in rural Minnesota. Those are the people who have the massive equipment nearly always.

I don't know why they pass, but they clearly don't want to be recognized as the one who helped ICE out.

I firmly believe Minnesota was targeted because of Walz and the fact that the state has never voted for a modern GOP presidential candidate. It's retribution. And if there is one thing I think even the MAGAts don't appreciate its when they are caught in the crossfire.

[–] Rakonat@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Few of the maga folk I know here in MN are in disbelief of what the facists they voted for are doing, particularly in their own state. It's all I can do not to rub their noses in it and say I told you so. But I already know they are still voting GOP in the midterms and 2028 regardless so it's not like they've learned anything.

[–] Zoot@reddthat.com 1 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

Be kind to them. Point out all the small things, and gently point to the fact that Republicans are still both enabling Trump and helping him. Then around elections just ask them to vote for literally anybody who's saying no to Trump. It's the best we can do.

load more comments
view more: next ›