I came out as a woman at 55. Best thing I've ever done.
this post was submitted on 27 Dec 2025
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I work for an LGBT choral group of 100 singers and more. There are young and old in the transition process. My advice for anyone is to make sure you have the support system. When one of our members is having a hard time or is celebrating a decision, we all are there for them. They are taken out, they are visited, they are called and get emails of concern and support. It is a beautiful thing. We applaud, console and hug one another every day.
You know, straight people do not have this level of support and community so I encourage everyone, straight or other, find an LGBT group that you can join and participate with whether it is a gay choir, gay hiking club, gay book club, gay bar. You don't have to be gay and don't have to have sex with them, just befriend, accept and support. They will do the same and respect who you are. They are not prejudice against straight people. I love when new members come out to the choir. They say they feel like they are home.
I'd guess that 1/3 of the group is straight. We have a straight couple who joined the choir to support their newly out teenage son. He is not old enough to sing with us but sells tickets at the door, raffle prizes and helps to set stuff up. The point is, the people are there for community. The group not only changes lives but has saved lives.
To quote Stephen Sondheim, "No One Is Alone."
From where I'm sitting, a 55yo who came out eight years ago, the biggest thing I deal with is grief.
I tried to come out at 23 -- young for the 90's! -- but chickened out in part because of some gatekeeping and also fear. So. Much. Fear. Even then though, my voice had dropped, my beard come in, and and and...
But I was young and hot and around beautiful slackers who would have loved me regardless, and now I carry the grief of 33 years of coulda-been.
That's the price of transitioning in middle age, for me at least.
You might think that an old like me might be resentful of the opportunities available for trans youth today. Absolutely not! Seeing young adults who never had to go through the "wrong" puberty, that gives me so much hope and joy!
I grieve now for the kids who are seeing that hope deferred.
I guess what I'm getting at is that any age you transition at, there may be lost time to grieve, but more than that, it's something to be treasured beyond value.
I celebrate each and every one of you 💕
i don't pretend to know what that's like but i just want to say, to varying degrees, most everyone struggles to find themselves and whenever they do it always feels late. some people marry at 20 and figure out they want something else from life at 45. people can find out they need to change their moral beliefs, their faith, their family... we're all trying to figure things out and the best we can do is make the most of what we have at any time.
God, you can come out at any age, your 20s isnt too old. Your 30s isnt too old. Your 70s isnt too old.
Stop this shit.
youre totally right their 30s is not too old.
my 30s on the other hand..
I saw a woman on reddit a couple of years ago that transitioned at 70 and shes so happy. You got this ❤️
No, but you see, I already have broad hips. I’ll never pass as a dude, so why try?
Sorry, I meant this to also be light-hearted, but it’s… not.
dwdw i know some dumpy dudes
amab enby here, I've got incredibly wide hips for a "dude" and you'd never notice unless you actually walked up and checked. Work out your shoulders a bit and I can almost guarantee that nobody will notice once you've been on T for a while.
One of my wife's buddies has been on T for 6 years since he turned 18 and you'd never guess he wasn't born a dude. Like one time his family put up a pre-transition picture of him and she didn't know and thought he had a sister he looks so different now.
Are you on T yet? You'd be surprised how much of the "broad hips" goes away when your body fat starts redistributing. Add some upper body workouts and you'll look so good, I promise!
I'm currently on the opposite journey, and if I can gain hips you can lose them. You just have to give the hormones a little time to work.
I’m not, because my real worry is that I’ll regret it.
You'll figure it out.
Between binders, packers, and whatever magic drag kings draw upon, there are plenty of ways to "preview" the kinds of changes that T would cause.
But the good news is that while the changes from hormones are mostly permanent, they're also slow. If you did start taking T, you'd have a little while to see how you feel before anything gets super noticable.
Any exercises I could do for getting more wide hips?
Unironically, walking everywhere helps a lot. I went on a month long trip to Japan and was doing minimum 15000 steps a day. When I got back, literally everyone noticed my hips were significantly thicker.
Bodyweight squats and yoga also help a ton, but require a bit more effort obviously.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=-x5B8F9ubdc
This is what I'm trying right now. I can't personally speak to the results yet since I just started, but the general science is solid.
This routine is for hips and glutes, but I guess you could just do the hip ones if for some reason you don't want a round sexy butt
Disclaimer: this company is selling a course, but they have some beginner exercises available for free on youtube. The free ones are what I'm doing now.
*laughs in 40 years old*
30, amab enby, still questioning and doubtful. Christian conservative household fucked me up good
I remember at 21 feeling like I’d been alive for a long time. The first couple decades go slooow, before the blur starts.
Before the blur? 👀
Going from 20 to 21 takes 7 years, going from 37 to 38 takes 10 weeks.
The blur of ageing
Blink and you've missed it.
Only in retrospect
I don’t know. At 45 time seems shorter and faster than ever.
That along with "I'm 19. Is it too late for hrt? Will I ever pass?"
Especially 2 posts down from "I started hrt at 50 and here's my results after 1 year" and it's one of the most attractive people you've ever seen
A couple years ago, I met someone who said she only could understand her sexuality/gender and have the freedom to express it very recently, in her 60s, and now she faces prejudice both for society, and also from a large part of the queer community, due to her age. This was so sad :(
I hope it's actually a small part that does this, but human perception makes it feel much larger.
I started HRT at the age of 36. I sometimes look back and wish I started sooner. But it is what it is. I can't change the past. All I can do is look forward to the future and focus on improving myself over time.
I'm a firm believer in that you can start HRT at any age. It's never too late to be the person you want to be. It's never too late to pursue happiness.
Word to my friend who transitioned in her fifties
Yes plz :( I’m almost double that and want to curl up into a ball and self combust.
Hey, it's never too late to be yourself! There are so many examples of happy trans people who didn't transition until later in life. (I have to remind myself of that all the time 😅)
I know it's tempting to mourn the lost time, but what's far more important is the years ahead of you. You can do this!
I started at 38 and im so happy. Its never too late.
Aaah that's gonna be me tooooooooo!
Just starting that process a few days ago has put me into this weird state where I keep bursting into fits of laughter and smiling stupidly. I'm actually hoping this feeling wears off a bit before I go back to work and get drug tested or something.
Some people are lucky with their appearance, and some have been dealt utter garbage. So yeah, obviously there will be people who struggle with just HRT after wrong puberty destroyed their life, and others who start with 50 and look gorgeous because they always had more feminine characteristics (or masculine, for the men among us).
I also started with 19 (after they've made me wait for 3 years 💀), but I'm a 1.90m (6.2 ft) tall tank who started off with a voice like Hulk Hogan. If some randoms on the internet can't deal with me venting about my problems and ugly appearance despite being "lucky" (as if) then that's a god damn them problem.
Anything after 12 is too old to prevent damage. Calling 21 super old in this context is god damn valid.
People can talk about their own lived experiences however they want
I don't think that's the point OP is making, but rather using one's lived experience as a basis for which to judge others' lived experiences.
For some, 21 may feel ancient, but for others, their current >21 age is just right. No need to say things in a way that makes the latter feel like they missed the boat on happiness.
On one hand, its an expression of how long the poster struggled with finding themselves, on the other a 45 year old egg could read that and start taping the cracks in their egg back together cause now it feels way too late for them.
Thats not a lived experience they are pointing at though. Its a a fear based on the focus on youthful beauty instead of seeing the beauty in every age.
Society does this to us and enforces it at every turn.
It wants you to think there is no path to loving how you look past youth and thats just not true.
Most trans people transition as adults because we wont let kids be their true selves.
Yes trans folks first puberty was wrong but its not unworkable at 20, 30,40, or even 80.
you mean like when that b**** f**** n**** f**** my b***** a***? like that? smh
29 and confused gang ❤️
hell yea
We'll get there or maybe we won't but it's ok as long as we stay true to ourselves!!
I came out at the right age for me. It would be nice to have the benefits of transitioning earlier, but it was not realistic. It wasn't my time.