Ask Lemmy

Like most things, I believe it's on a spectrum, with some people being very much who they seem, and some people being completely disingenuous. We all do things that we know others would frown upon (to one degree or another), so it's always tempting to hide those things, sometimes to the extent that we hide the whole part of ourselves that would do then.

Real life is indeed like that yes

I do have filters on what I say in different contexts, but do not consider it a mask as I will always say the same things outside of the filtered contexts. So while I don't bring up a lot of things at work, it is simply because it isn't relevant to work and isn't something I want to talk about at work. There isn't a presentation of something else.

Like I don't bring up hobbies for the same reason I don't bring up my sex life, it just isn't relevant. I don't consider anything like that to be a mask.

The closest would be that I phrase things at work in a more positive and less critical manner, but it is pretty subtle and if that is considered masking then the word loses a lot of meaning for people who behave completely differently from who they are due to social pressures.

no clue but i definitely do

You cannot be 100% truthful all the time. There's no way to communicate all of the thoughts running through your brain fast enough. So you have to choose what to say.

That choice depends on who you're talking to, for obvious practical reasons. So, even if you try to be honest, you're still inevitably keeping secrets from people. Always. Every day.

So the answer to your question is yes. Of course it is. There's no other possible answer. But is that what you wanted to hear? Maybe you actually want to ask a more specific question. I'm not sure.

My ADHD says yes.

To a certain degree, and it sounds exhausting. It also varies with culture (Brits are more masked than Polish people, for instance). Now, I have discernment so I don't always just blurt out whatever's on my mind (especially around people like my MIL and my older relatives), but I don't see it as a mask, it's more on the level of holding in some farts, lol. I haven't changed my mind about anything and if something arises that would test my values I'll still just be me and act accordingly, I'm just not mentioning what comes to my mind when I see my wife bra-less, for example.

Regardless, there's us, the perception we have of us and the perception others have of us. We should at least make sure the first two are as close as possible. Also, personally, I'm too proud not to be myself, and since I know I lead a mostly harmless and somewhat selfless life, I have no moral qualms going at it raw and maskless!

Internal Family Systems teaches that we have multiple internal personas that have different roles in protecting the true self at the center. It has been useful for self discovery, though I don't know if I believe it's completely correct

I did learn that I have multiple sets of behaviors that l adopt based on need. It's like code switching, except it changes everything - speech cadence, word choice, body language, thought patterns, you name it. It's not multiple personalities or anything, just changing relative proportions of various traits for a given situation, like job switching in an RPG. It was initially really jarring for my partner. They are one of the few people I'm genuinely myself around, but if I'm in a very stressful situation or interacting with co-workers about work, they see me acting very differently. It's disconcerting but it makes me more flexible in social situations.

Edit: I also recently learned I'm what is known amongst the commoners as "autistic as fuck", so that may be a factor. Still learning!