Ask Lemmy

tell her that at one time women who could no longer give birth or provide for the family were considered worthless. at this point in time what does she think her value would be in a society that believes women are to be used as breeding stock and slave labor?

regardless of what she says follow up with, why does she believe she has value when clearly she's past her prime and can no longer provide children or support the family?

fight fire with fire. if she wants to follow archaic social behaviors throw them back in her face.

Oh, she's in for a rude awakening one day

I would read up on Albert Ellis' , concept of Acceptance, both for your own schema, and for dealing with your mother.

Undertanding and working on your acceptances can be life changing.

BTW, Ellis is a hugely influential psychologist, one of the founders of behavioral cognitive therapies, so no new age pop psychology here.

My rebuttal is she's an asshole and should shut the fuck up

It's actually the other way around, depression causes laziness.

sounds like a right winger would say. is your mom working, if shes a sahm , she literally just the thing she described.

No rebuttal. Not worth fighting over. Probably can't change her, and who would it really help if you did? If the horrible things people believe are of no consequence to anyone else, just let them believe it. You can't save people from themselves.

Don't worry about it. You'll save a ton of cash later, if you catch my drift.

Does a painting have value? It doesnt do diddly except look pretty and be valuable.

Does a pet have value? It actively drains resources.

Value is a purely human concept and means only what we decide it means.

She sounds like a hardcore fascist. I don't really have a rebuttal because I don't associate with fascists, if someone thinks that what is even the point in talking to them?

Wow, your mom sucks. Get her out of your life.

Your mom’s view toward mental health is backwards and unhelpful. Her way of thinking prevents people from getting the counseling, medicine, and / or guidance they need for their mind. Next time she has a physical injury, she should just suck it up and stop being lazy.

I think "nuh uh" is a fair rebuttal, to be honest

Wow. Your mom has horrible opinions. If she has a lot more opinions on the same level, I'd cut ties altogether.

It's projection. She knows that in her retirement she has stopped "providing value". I doubt she paid you for the ad-hoc legal and accounting work you did for her, so she is happy for you to provide value without compensation. I would simply tell her that if she doesn't want to have to find her own retirement home she needs to start paying for your services. This is the kind of person who thinks value is what you pay for, so long as she isn't paying you she isn't valuing what you do for her. The whole "you are a negative value" is exactly what she is to you, she is taxing your time, energy and emotions to make up for some perceived economic loss for raising a child she chose to have.

1. No point in arguing with someone who doesn't care enough to think critically about the situation. If you play chess with a pigeon, the outcome of the game doesn't matter. Its still gonna shit on the board and strut around like it won.

2. I know you didn't ask, but find you some green spaces. Depression isn't a choice, but choosing to be depressed in a less depressing place is. Control what you can.

We choose the family we want. It's a mindset that we choose whether to pass on.

Measuring people by what they can give to others or to capitalism is utterly wrong. EVERYONE has value to someone else.

Ask whose values and why others should adhere to them?

"And what exactly makes YOU valuable?"

Who decides what's valuable? She probably isn't valuable under certain metrics. She thinks broken legs are being lazy?

Who is she to decide who deserves to live? God?

Of course, I'd hesitate to accept such a judgment from a god who presumably made those people that way. That would be a dick move.

As for pronouncements about mental health, I will accept citations, or maybe credentials. With neither, hers have no value.

Tell your mom I don't see her value, she should consider seizing existence at my most earliest convenience. Seems fair?

Mostly joking but wtf is this cruel take from her? I'm sorry if you're having to battle this with her if you're struggling with things like depression anxiety

Don't take the bait of arguing with them through this batshit rhetorical frame that they are presenting. Stay focused on what it is that you want to say.

Well, let me ask you. What do you gain by engaging with this point of view personally?

Nazi.

One word is enough.

Sounds like your mom wanted a little slave to obey her and instead got a human child with an individual character that wants to be loved and live free. Well, people do that a lot. Try to get away from there. Focus on what you're good at, train your skills try to stand on your own feet and make a life and a living of your own. Then you can start living independently and get away from people with such cold hearted inhumane points of view.

(Only productive people's live are valuable, seriously? That is just social-darwinist garbage... In my country there used to be a asshole with a funny beard who propagated this point of view a lot and he ended up shooting himself in a berlin bunker in '45)

Every child deserves unconditional love from their parents. It is their decision to set a child in this world not the child's. The child owes nothing to their parents. They're human beings not little slave servant puppets. Be aware that you're no longer the helpless child. You're an adult now. Help yourself and be the kind of parent to yourself your mother never was able to be. And you'll find people who care and love you for who you are and not only for your productivity.