This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NunsWithNunchucks on 2025-12-17 10:22:05+00:00.
It was dad's birthday recently. In my speech, I decided to include an anecdote about the day my dad had "the talk" with my younger brother. I was eavesdropping, so I heard most of it, but the part that stood out to me was my dad telling my brother that his existence was proof that sex can be expensive, so he must keep in mind that condoms are cheap. It was funny. People laughed. And then I added the obligatory wholesome stuff to remind everyone what an awesome person my dad was. My dad approached me afterwards and thanked me for the speech, but then he also promised to get me back for bringing up the sex talk story. I laughed and said something along the lines of "empty threats, old man."
A few days later, I was driving with my dad, running errands with him and shit, when we stopped at a gas station. The tank was full, but my dad wanted to buy snacks to satisfy his sweet tooth. I said I was gonna wait in the car, but then he looked at me like that was the weirdest thing to do in the world, so I put my phone away and entered the gas station with my dad. As soon as we approached the cashier with our stuff, my dad unexpectedly cashed in his threat by asking the cashier to add a box of condoms. Without anyone saying anything, he proudly informed the cashier that he was buying the condoms for his son and then he pointed at me.
I was like dad what the f. The cashier pointed to the variety of condom brands on the shelf behind her and asked my dad to choose. I told the cashier my dad was joking, but my dad interrupted me and said he would never joke about safe sex. For no reason other than to apply more trauma, my dad showed the cashier a photo on his phone of me with my gf before explaining to the cashier that I was still young and inexperienced, so he's doing whatever he can as a parent to make sure that his son didn't allow a fleeting moment of fun to become a lifelong moment of... I actually don't know what he said here because I spoke over him and said I was gonna wait in the car, which I did.
Moments later, my dad exited the gas station with boxes of condoms in his hands. The one or two snacks he bought were packed in a bag, but not the boxes of condoms. Oh no. Can't have that. People were staring as he approached the car, which I had to open because his hands were full. My dad awkwardly got in the car and said he didn't know what condom brand I preferred, so he got all of them. All I could do was laugh at how far my father was willing to go to get back at me for something that was apparently worth that level of public humiliation lol.
Tl:Dr
Made the audience laugh at my dad's birthday when I mentioned something funny my dad said when he was giving my younger brother the sex talk. He said sex can come with a lot of expenses, but condom are cheap. My dad took it as an act of war that I told people about the sex talk, so he decided to take his revenge by convincing me to go shopping with him, only for him to blindside me in public by buying condoms for me in bulk.