Ask Lemmy

I started using mother more often when i was a younger adult. I still use mama some times but unless im trying to bother her or outright piss her off ill use her first name.

I've seen where people will use their names instead because of emotional distancing or relationship issues. If you don't feel close to the person, why use a nickname?

It's just the culture you grew up in but it makes no sense to me not addressing someone by their name and instead rank them by seniority.

I'm portuguese. Family is very important for us, even more than for italians, I risk.

Two generations back, no child would dare address a parent as such. It would always be "sir" or "madam". And the same would happen for any older people. It was enforced through religion and socially because we were under a dictatorship that wanted to "elevate" the country, so social status and ranking had to be constantly displayed and reinforced. Being a father or a mother was a function, in the name of god and for the advancement of the state and country.

Poor, humble, people could not care. Children were treasures by themselves and being mother or father is a previliege only few deserve. Being addressed as such was precious. It made their petty lives meaningful. And when the dictatorship was toppled, that notion pushed out the "proper", religion fed, state supported, socially enforced, status quo.

Children nowadays address parents in the second ("you") person, the same for grand parents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts or any relative. Mother and father carry belonging and closeness. A family title implies care for the other, a bond that crosses generations, that binds people together. Blood truly runs thicker than water, here.

If a relative gets our formal second person, added to their family title, that immediatly signals that person is not a close relative nor a person we are at ease with. If a relative gets an added "Sir" or "Madam" it's implied the family tie is recognized but nor trust or closeness are granted and the other person will have to earn it.

This also bleeds to social interactions. If introduced to someone, most will stick to the more neutral formal second person. It can easily evade titles and passes as polite but only out of courtesy, as we have no previous connection towards the other. The informal second person can be earned between work colleagues or someone we interact on a daily basis. If the formal second person is enforced, that is distancing being put between people and that denounces they don't get along. Demanding a title is close to stating two individuals only deal with eachother by necessity.

However, it is considered polite to address someone by their professional title, especially in health related context.

Back to family.

A family is only as strong as the individuals that make it up. My children address me as father and that is an honor and privilige they grant me. But my name in their mouth is their recognition of my individuality and the same is true in reverse. I do not admit to anyone demand from my children an addressing by "Sir" or "Madam" without giving them the same deference. And if I refuse formality and insist being addressed by name is because I want to be recognized by who I am. It saddens me to hear close relatives and people that work and collaborate on a daily basis hide behind titles or enforce artificial social distance. We all rely on each other. In a broad sense, we are all related.

No, my kids call me mom and yes I'd think it kinda rude if they first named me.

But

My step-kids call me by my first name, and my kids call my husband by his first name, and that is fine with both of us somehow.

When kids are small here, they usually call adults Mr. or Ms. First Name. Older kids to teachers Mr. or Ms. Last Name, but my kids friends who are older still called me Ms. First Name. Not much Sir and Ma'am anymore but I still hear it sometimes.

No, I find it disrespectful

I did. My parents were hippies and thought it was weird to call people anything other than their names. So they never tried to get me to call them anything but their names. At one point in maybe jr high I tried goingbwithbmom and dad but it didn't take.

I know someone that calls his parents by their names, and I've asked him why. He never has a reason other than it's a habit.

If i didn't know any better I'd think he disliked them.

My mother doesn't like her name so I use it when she exasperates me (¬_¬). It's a little jab.