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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Trick_Ad_6466 on 2025-12-02 22:43:27+00:00.
Today I discovered that when your guts are plotting mutiny, the universe sometimes decides to add bonus challenges.
I had to pick up my wife from work, and the whole drive out my stomach was making noises usually reserved for distant thunderstorms. We realise we have nothing for dinner, so we stop at the supermarket. By this point I am holding on with sheer willpower.
I grab what we need and sprint to the supermarket toilets. First cubicle? Absolutely destroyed. Last cubicle? Occupied. So I end up in the dreaded middle one, groceries in hand, judge me if you must, but I had no choice.
I sit down… and immediately spot something that makes my soul exit my body:
There is a glory hole in the wall. A padded one. And on the other side I can clearly see a man standing there, hairy legs visible through the hole. He coughs. Then coughs again.
Meanwhile my stomach is giving me seconds on the clock.
I panic, realise I have no escape plan, and decide there is only one option left:
detonate.
So I let nature take over with the force of a small natural disaster. Loud, chaotic, undeniably hostile.
Mid-eruption, I hear the man on the other side abruptly pull his pants up and leave. No flush. No hesitation. Just a man abandoning whatever plans he had for that hole.
I finish up, shaken, relieved, and pretty sure I prevented the world’s worst crossover event by weaponising my own digestive emergency.
TLDR: Today I F’d up by choosing the middle stall. Never again.