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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/RunOk9039 on 2025-12-02 10:10:19+00:00.
I was having a below average day from the get go. Ballsdeep in luteal phase, feeling like the Michelin man, coping with the anxiety of someone being hunted for sport—I figured I'd hit the gym to cope. Finished up my workout on the stairmaster, per usual. 15 minutes in, I'm feeling cocky and exceptionally gifted with my one hand on the rail, by comparison to the person leaning onto the handles for dear life beside me. I decide to stop scouring Google for validation that the KFC chicken bone my dog ate isn't going to kill him (vet said to feed him lots of bread and fiber, but that's another story.) To take my mind off things I rest my phone on the little lip below the screen. Suddenly, the pace switches to cocaine hummingbird. Now I'm fucking clinging to the handles for dear life, trying to turn the speed down and hit the killswitch. Our gym's Stairmasters are unreasonably laggy, and inevitably I eat shit and tumble down it like a brick down a staircase. Mortified, I stand up and try to explain myself to everyone in the room. After a couple futile attempts of trying to stutter out what happened while crying/laughing, I did the walk of shame to the locker room. Now I'm laying in bed awake, thinking about how they're gonna tell their friends about the girl who ate shit on the stairmaster at the gym today.
TL;DR: Stairmaster screen is selectively sensitive, responds better to almost anything but my own fingers. Ate shit and almost died at maximum speed. Killswitches are a scam. Fear of stairmaster has increased tenfold.