This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AmaraMehdi on 2025-12-02 23:41:03+00:00.
First of all, thank you to everyone who suggested I fake my own death and move to a farm. I spent last night looking up potato farming tutorials on YouTube, but unfortunately, I have a mortgage, so I had to log in this morning. I promised an update, so here is the damage report.
I logged in at 8:59 AM. My heart was beating so hard I could hear it in my ears. I hovered over the Slack icon for a solid minute before clicking it. 12 Unread Messages.
Most were from my "work friends" sending skull emojis (๐) and GIFs of people digging graves. But there it was. A direct message from the PM himself, sent at 4:30 PM yesterday. The Message: "Hey [My Name], do you have 5 minutes for a quick sync before stand-up?" I almost threw up. "Quick sync" is corporate speak for "execution."
I joined the call. No video. I wasn't ready for him to see the fear in my eyes. He joined. Silence for 3 seconds.
Then... he laughed. A dry, tired laugh. He said, "So... yesterday." I immediately started apologizing. I unleashed a word salad of "technical difficulties," "bad day," "audio glitch," and "I'm so sorry."
He cut me off. "Look, honestly? You weren't wrong. I realized after the meeting that I spent 20 minutes explaining a 2-minute delay. I tend to ramble when I'm stressed about deadlines." I stopped breathing. Was this a trap? He continued, "However... let's maybe keep the commentary to the internal monologue next time? My boss was on that call. He thinks it was 'unprofessional,' but I told him you were just frustrated with the audio issues. You owe me one."
The Result: I am not fired. I am, however, officially the "Mute Guy."
During the stand-up meeting today, when I joined, another coworker typed in the chat: "Careful everyone, the truth-teller is here."
I have taped a physical piece of cardboard over my mute button. I am never speaking again.
TL;DR: Finally opened Slack. The PM admitted he was rambling but saved my ass with his boss. I am now the office legend who said what everyone was thinking, but I will likely die of embarrassment before the project launches.