this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] smokeysnilas@feddit.org 2 points 5 days ago

I might sometimes do something like this myself, but I like to think I sound a bit less retarded and also I do it only when the other person has been overly annoying. Like bullshitting me first or asking me random questions in a meeting where I don't belong or when I was clearly not caring and not paying attention before.

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 166 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

OP just learned what the 'con' in 'con man' is short for.

[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 25 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Are you shitting me right now?

[–] grue@lemmy.world 67 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'd be funny if he were, but no. "Con man" really is short for "confidence man."

It's not actually about the scammer 'being confident,' though; it's about the scammer winning the mark's trust.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

Or you could say it's about winning their mark's removes sunglasses confidence.

[–] inkzombie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

One day someone will have this same reaction to the word "rizz"

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

I had this reaction while playing Baldurs Gate. I knew what it meant to "rizz" someone but didn't know where it came from. I had a high DC charisma check and, after passing it, said, "I rizzed em with my charisma! Ohh..."

[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 19 points 2 weeks ago

Funnier in french

[–] Franconian_Nomad@feddit.org 99 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Confidence is a huge deal and very important. Now just talk like a confident you, not like Donald Trump.

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 53 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

My keyboard is the biggest, loudest, most beautiful - and not just loud, everyone says it has excellent tactility - have you seen the lights? Better than the aurora borealis. The aurora borealis saw my keyboard and said so themselves. I built it myself. It was easy. You go to a website that sells the parts. Great websites, some of the happiest places on the internet.

Nah, still hate it

[–] Psionicsickness@reddthat.com 19 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

So you look at yakko talking. What a joke. Does anyone actually think he knows what he’s talking about? Tactility? Really? Weak language. My keyboard is has ten times more lights than his, and when I press a button it knows I mean it. Tactility isn’t a factor. It’s rough, gruff, able to take the pressure of a real man’s hands.

Oh, and did you notice how he said loudest? I did. All these vocal minorities, with their purple hair and face tattoos. They don’t care about America, they don’t care about our traditions or our values. All they want is a handout.

I feel really dirty….

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 9 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Let's never do this again ^^

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago

Listen. This is the biggest. The BIGGEST keyboard. They said it could not be bigger. They said, Mr LH0ezVT, this keyboard cannot be bigger. The FAKE news and the lunatic left said it cannot be bigger. THEY LIED! Look at this keyboard. It is the BIGGEST keyboard in America. Maybe even the BIGGEST in the world. People from all over the world come to me. They say this is the BIGGEST keyboard.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Actually, there's another way to mimic him that also accomplishes this goal (works great when a date is going badly, too).

When you decide you're done with someone, just loudly and obviously shit in your pants.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

... Did you just... counter a Trump-pression with a Bill Burr-pression?

[–] Psionicsickness@reddthat.com 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It was an attempt at a Trump one. I’m not upset that I’m bad at it.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 week ago

Fair enough, lol!

[–] Franconian_Nomad@feddit.org 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Same, but because it’s still too much Trump.

My keyboard is great, I love it. it’s loud, but also a joy to type on. I built it my self, which makes me live it even more - it’s not so difficult. Look at the lights! Here try typing on it, isn‘t the tactility great?

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 3 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah you're right... The magic trick is liking yourself. I'll get there, but knowing the trick does make it less magical.

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 91 points 2 weeks ago

I hate that this might be true

[–] AnarchoEngineer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 86 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Fake: anon gets frequent tinder dates? Doubt.

Gay: while on said dates he’s thinking about another man.

Also it’s like the worst man to think of for both for the object of attraction and for the confidence trick.

Talking like Cave Johnson would be a much better option all around. Then you’re not drooling over or mimicking a pedophile AND you can make vaguely ominous jokes about science, so it’s clearly the better choice

[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

Added bonus, you might win over a Caroline.

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 49 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation of mimicking his voice. Is it part of the act?

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

You have to make the accompanying hand gestures, which I can only describe as kinetically emphasized whining.

The more he wants to whine about something he detests, the more he uses his little hands to make little motions, like they're an exclamation point for how annoyed he is.

This is opposed to say, emphasis for dramatic effect, to convey conviction, seriousness, passion, anger, or something like that.

That's the part he did not manage to learn from his nightstand collection of Hitler's speeches.

[–] AlexLost@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago

I've been doing it my whole life. I chose not to use this power for evil, unlike some others I could mention. Because it's a choice not to be a giant douche canoe just because you can.

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

CNN just there in the side fact checking anon.

[–] CaptainBasculin@lemmy.bascul.in 12 points 2 weeks ago

Can confirm this strat works, won an election using it

[–] iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] orbituary@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 weeks ago

upperly rediculuss.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago

I mean, this... isn't surprising at all?

Blustering around confidently exploits how ... duller human brains interpret factuality.

Moneky brain see confidence?

Monkey brain know they must be correct!

This is the basis of ... well, con artists, you know, confidence artists, a whole lot of PUA type shit, uh, a whole lot of politics, a whole lot of marketing..., many debate and negotiation tactics/styles...

Being a bullshitter is a common thing because bullshitting is broadly very effective.

[–] kilgore_trout@feddit.it 3 points 2 weeks ago

It sure worked for him