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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/OkKiwi3544 on 2025-11-25 15:21:09+00:00.
So, this actually happened like a few years ago, but I still think about it every now and then since it completely changed my perspective.
Background: I grew up in a household that's half white and half Korean, and I was exposed to lots of "spicy" food from a young age since our family was very food adventurous. Think growing up regularly eating kimchi, spicy ramen, gochujang, but also salsas, Thai food, Indian food, etc. I know that there's this stereotype that white people can't handle spice. The white half of my family is pretty spice averse, but I always figured it was them being a little dramatic about it and that you can also build up a tolerance to spice as well if you expose yourself to it. A core memory of mine is finding kimchi too spicy when I was young, so my mom would rinse it for me before I ate it. As an adult unrinsed kimchi isn't even really a spicy food for me anymore.
Well, I have a group of close friends from college that I still see regularly. One of them, I'll call her "B", has always been spice averse. Like if we were making a recipe that calls for spicy Italian sausage, she would say something about how she can't handle that much spice and sub it out for regular Italian sausage. I'll admit, that I always kinda thought she was just being dramatic about not being able to handle spicy food. Like, if something had a lot of black pepper she might be like, "ooh that's a little spicy!". Of course the rest of us would look at her in disbelief at this type of statement. Black pepper being spicy?? But she would laugh it off and say something about it being a manageable level of spiciness and that it's fine, but it IS a little spicy though.
On to the story, we're post college and our friend group is trying to meet up again for the first time since we graduated and Covid has concluded. We decide to go stay over at B's place and we'll hang out there for the weekend. While we're there, we're trying to decide where to eat dinner, and a lot of us realize that we're craving Indian food. B, is from a small rural town and she's now living in a larger city. She also grew up in a stereotypical midwestern white family and wasn't exposed to a lot of multicultural foods either. She says, that a friend she works with is Indian and their uncle and aunt just opened up an Indian restaurant that's supposed to be pretty good! We all decide we should eat there then. B then says she's never had Indian food before, and is a little worried about the spice levels since she's heard it can be spicy. We all kind of discuss if we should still eat there or not, and then we decide to go ahead with it since most Indian restaurants will let you adjust spice levels and there are also usually non-spicy food items like naan and samosas. Plus, B thinks it would be fun for her to try Indian food for the first time.
So we get to the restaurant, and everything looks great. The menu has tons of options, and we suggest that B should try Butter Chicken Curry as her first Indian food experience. Our main reasons being that even if it's not the most traditional curry, it's just something that almost everyone enjoys, and more importantly it's also probably one of the least spicy curries you can get. It's like tomatoes, cream, butter, and spices, but it's not necessarily "spicy". So we all place our orders, and we make sure when B orders that we tell the waiter that she can't handle spiciness and if they can make it very mild for her. Our food arrives and we're all digging in. Then, I start to notice that B is just sort of picking at her food after a while. I ask her if she doesn't like it and I offer to let her try my food instead. She said she actually does like it, but that it's just a little bit spicy and that she can manage. She eats a few more bites, but then she's like "actually guys, I can't handle this. It's way too spicy!". At this point I notice. B is literally sweating. Her face is also getting red and it looks like she rubbed a spicy chili pepper directly on her lips as they're starting to get red from contact with the curry. At this point all of us are concerned by her reaction to the spiciness. So I'm thinking they must've given her the medium or hot level of spiciness curry by accident. I offer to try her curry for her to see. I taste it, and it's literally the most mellow creamy and sweet flavor. I detect ZERO spice. I'm like, "Am I crazy??", and I get everyone else at the table to taste it. Everyone else is like, "yeah, this is just a really mild butter chicken. Not spicy at all". The thing is though, I can literally see her having this reaction to the spicy food. The sweating, red face, red lips. I've felt that way too with spicy food. She ended up having to stop eating and she nibbled on some naan instead, and we got her a cheeseburger when we left. Anyways, just a crazy experience. I actually thought that people were just being a little dramatic when they said that mild foods were spicy, but I've literally witnessed my friend have a serious spicy reaction to something like this now. I guess I've developed a new respect for people that can't handle spice. They're just living in real spicy world and having to dodge spicy obstacles all the time.
TLDR; I always thought people fear mongered spiciness. My friend can't handle spicy food. I get her to try mild butter chicken curry. She get spicy sweats and red burning lips from eating it. Now, I know I was wrong and that people aren't just being babies. I feel bad.