Ask Lemmy

None. Ditto partners. I've never had a list. We either get along or we don't. Anything else is overthinking it.

I have 5 buddies I've known for between 10 and 15 years. We meet every week to play dnd in the garage, we play video games together on a regular basis. Only one of them is actually my friend. This person has talked to me about their personal struggles, and I've talked to them about mine. We share experiences with each other, and discuss even our most personal topics. Mental health, relationships, big picture plans, anything and everything. We keep in touch, at least occasionally, just for the sake of it, not just because we're trying to play a game together or something. This person is my only real friend. The rest are replaceable hobby buddies, that's it.

I consider someone a friend if I feel like I can talk to them about anything, or call them up any time and ask if they want to go do something.

I've always been of the opinion that we need to hang out (digitally if IRL is not possible due to distance) and talk without being "forced" by some other reason. For example, did I have classmates in high school that I got along with? Sure. Did we ever hang out outside of school? Nope. Texting outside of school? Nope. And what happened once we graduated? No contact.

If the only reason we interacted was because we were stuck in the same room for 6-7 hours 5 days a week, and not because we actively seeked each other out, then we weren't friends.

Also quality over quantity!

I've had so many people in the past abuse my trust and acceptance. They basically loved the way I treated them as individuals that are able to do things their own way but deeply hated me for being me. I don't conform to their perspective of me and so they spent great amounts of time and energy trying to change me.

I'm really fortunate to have met people in the last 4-5 years who love and accept me just as I am. So now I have a stronger sense of what I want in a friend.

There are a few things I look for in a friend. Over a period of time, I want to see how they talk about and treat other people. How they talk about and treat themselves. I want to see if they have the ability to self reflect and make choices and changes in a way that betters themselves. I want to see if they treat me the same way they treat other people. I want to see how accepting they are about people are situations that are very different from their lived experiences. I also want to see how they treat animals and the environment around them.

Since no two people are the same, I have no strongly defined criteria. Instead I observe and try to view their words and actions as a whole. There's a lot of ways to judge who is healthy for me and who is only interested in themselves.

I may only have a few friends now but I have a deep love for the friends that I have because they keep proving to me how caring and amazing they are to me.

The lower bound is sharing a meal together.

I live a pretty solo life.

Only child, single parent, moved a lot so lost old friendships.

Friends are people I can call for help.

I think I have a lower threshold for saying “my friend” than for actually considering someone my friend. I think I have a lot of friendly acquaintances. People that I spend time with because we have some things in common (usually my hobby groups). Friends are the people that reach out to me, or that I reach out to for reasons outside of our initial reason for contact.

If I can talk to someone without feeling vulnerable or needy, or like I have to justify talking to them, they're a friend and it's only a question of degree at that point.

If I feel comfortable around them and enjoy their company. And sometimes not even that.

To hang out together intentionally, outside of work, more than once. If you no longer ever want to hang out, they're probably not friends anymore.

I have a few coworkers I'm tempted to call friends. At the very least, we're friendly. But I also know that once either of us leave the job, we probably won't see each other anymore.

In a more general sense, I call a lot of people "friend" without necessarily considering us friends. Mostly strangers and customers, and it's meant in a disarming way, like "Sorry friend, we're sold out."

I'm friendly with most people, but then to consider someone a friend feels like taking the relationship to a new level.

I don’t know if I have a set threshold. It is more like a gradual process of transitioning from an acquaintance that I have common interest with to now they are someone I seek out.

Brainstorming a more concrete answer to your question. The person has to:

• Not be a pain in the ass
• enjoy similar things that I do.
• have good personal hygiene
• be reliable
• activity contribute to the relationship
• treat people and animals well

I used to think I have "friends", but now I just retroactively classified them as "acquaintances" instead. So I never really truely had a "friend" in that sense.

I used to think "friend" just means regular conversations and willingness to talk, now I feel like I'm just projecting the feeling of friendship, like.... sure, I call them "friend" but is that feeling ever mutual? Probably not. Since I don't even talk to them outside of school.

Probably the willingness to regularly meet and spend time together outside of the place we originally met (eg: school/workplace), would be considered "friendship", otherwise, its really just a close acquaintance. So yea, I've had close acquaintances, never "friends"

Or maybe I just have trust issues with my older brother betraying what I thought was like our friendship and now I feel afraid to call someone my "friend".

Other than the lifelong friends I made as a child it takes me about twenty years to make a friend as an adult.

Pretty much anyone who will include me in their conversation or activity.