What aboot the "pretend to look at my phone when I want a car to go first before I cross".
this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2025
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none, i dont socialize.
Still working on the turn around. It's a tough one.
One finger hand raises aren't enough for me because despite being a force of nature, I’m often quite lacking in assertiveness in social situations. If I want someone’s attention I go full “engaged student” on them. Big shit-eating grin so everyone knows I understand what I’m doing is silly, hand held high, holding my elbow so I can outlast their lack of attention. Acknowledge anyone who looks at me funny with a renewed grin to make them smile/giggle with me.
I do this in busy bars, at meetings, at large social events.. people do giggle a bit but everyone knows what the signal is for, so it works, and it’s completely passive so not rude at all, and I can giggle along with them because it IS kinda silly for a 40yo to do that. Buuuuuut it works. It also tends to enroll other people who notice and point it out, just like in class!
It’s one of the things I do instead of masking; it allows me to be part of conversations without interrupting, or gets me what I need without yelling.
I’ve mastered the rest of them though….
At 40:
- the hugely comedic full sprint when someone holds the door
- the floating daintily across freshly mopped floors
- the careless instantaneous turn without slowing down first
- the art of interrupting
- Pausing in the middle of a busy narrow corridor to adjust your glasses
- Being far too comfortable holding people hostage with yet another anecdote
- Mastering a unified greeting hug for all genders, no cheek-kissing neccesary
- Writing lists
homies kiss on the lips
Trying to look engaged at meetings with a quick head nod, sometimes with opening eyes a bit extra.
"Valmond, you seem to agree with the task. How about you head this project and we check on your progress with yet another meeting."
Let's find a time for the pre-meeting at 14h.
I favour the "I just got a text message – oh no! My friend isn't meeting me in this direction after all! Time to roll my eyes and go and meet them in that other direction! My friend is such a silly goat!" performance.
such a silly goat
Maurice Moss, is this you?
I have not mastered that yet. Either I just turn and admit defeat or when I'm really watched I continue in the wrong direction until I'm out of sight and then take the scenic route to my destination
Oh you are supposed to pretend not to be a navigation disaster?
Missed that one.
- The exaggerated but not very enthusiastic “Woah, you scared me!” when a little kid says, “Boo!”
Going along with child's play is such an important skill. It doesn't always come naturally, but with a bit of practice, it gets easier
as a former little kid, do you know where the tv remote is? i've looked everywhere
As a former little kid, we always thought you were actually scared, but we blindly believed you
As a former little kid, we always knew you weren't actually scared, but we liked messing with you
the one finger hand raise always seems pretentious to me
I absolutely do 1 and 2. 4, maybe on rare occasions? 3, though, can fuck off. Slapping my pockets a bit is just redirecting "forgot which way east was" to "forgot my wallet"; I was a dumbass either way
There is a legitimate chance that I really did forget my wallet though
3 sounds like main character syndrome. Why would anyone even care? I usually just suddenly stop walking, look around confused until I figured out what is happening.
don't forget to lick your finger and check the wind before you turn around
I just usually don’t realize I’m goin the wrong way until I’ve reached the wrong place.
4/4
Bonus Level:
- feigning genuine appreciation for something done with no care or effort, that was given in hopes of allowing the interaction to end faster and with less friction. Example: Them: "And here's some extra napkins!" smile Me, resisting the urge to say "Don't worry, I'm a mess, but I'm not that messy!": "Thanks!"smile and fucking off
Your inner world is riddled with neurotic anxieties and I like that
