its juuuuust meant to be a funi, oki? dont get too worked up about it....
for anyone who doesnt get the funi here, look at the alt text, i kinda explained it there.
alternative image link (blahaj zone)
i have some annoying neighbours and kinda thought bout how in anime, the characters yell haaiii and hooooiiii a lot when home - so heres my funi on that. (no, my neighbours dont do that >v< but instead they look into our windows and r uncomfy)
so like - how do u do today? i highly recommend drinking some water - its pretty refreshing. huge fan.
something something creative expression and self realization - who cares---
also - mygosh umm... ive been doing some stuff in blender and... see - its about time i actually make a thing which kinda.. goes beyond what i usually do, u kno? not anything comercially, but something which is out there - which exists and such...
something i can point to and say
yea, i made that - but who cares
u kno?-- just some stuff i ... make and then it.. exists. and its not just some temporary funi which gets looked at by some hundreds of peeps - but instead more like.. a genuine experience which maybe about 5 people will have (including myself...) and then these people say "yea - that was something" and then move on with the knowledge that this experience exists at all.
and - BAM! i have left something - in the world - like - a REAL LIFE thing which peeps can look at, interact with, plan within, explore and find some kind of story and meaning for themselves in it... yea - thats what i wana make.
ive not been posting much cuz i have a lot of.,. difficult stuffs goin on rn...
for anyone who cares
- i am not studying bioinformatics
- i am STILL too scared to get my blood drawn for those hormones - so im still... without... ;( and feel worse everyday.,.,
- thats kinda it honestly, yea very smol things if im honest - but it feels like a lot when i also wana make cool experiences and be somewhat interesting...
something i thought a lot about the recent weeks is the idea of "artists".
here my yapping about artists (which is bad btw)
for some reason, i had this idea in my head that artists are pretentious evils who go "oh well - you have a job which RUINS the environment, makes capitalists RICHER and you get mediocre moni- meanwhile i - they Artist (yesyes, capital A that is-) am earning money from the fact that my art is SOOOO GOOOD that people pay me REAL money for it - and im not ruining anything for anyone! im doing a purely positive thing for humanity -" and then they look down upon kinda everyone else while saying that.
this is obviously not true. like - totally false. but somehow i have a hard time getting rid of this mindset. its some brainworm presumably. its probably just envy - cuz they get to make a living off of something fun, creative and design-oriented, meanwhile everyone else works their ass off on some hard physical or mental labour which - in most cases - is not interpreted as being fun...
iguess its kinda like the imposter syndrom, but im not an imposter, i just imagine that if i were - id feel shiddy, cuz id feel like an evil pretentious peep... but now im really just askin for affirmations and whatever -. which is kindsa not what im here for... i got a lot of stuff to tell to my thearpist tomorrow >v<
have a nice day u peeps! <3