this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
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Not The Onion

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In retrospect, I should apologize for posting such a shitty article from such a shitty source. I did it for the laughs.

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[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 54 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Truck carrying aggressive monkeys infected with hepatitis, herpes, and COVID crashes

A long as no one fucks the herpes monkey we should be fine.

in Mississippi

Shit.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

That are three fresh epidemics for the price of one.

[–] Quexotic 21 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Are there 12 of them? Asking for a friend.

[–] MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Great flick. I think Brad was awesome.

[–] Quexotic 4 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

I think he was so convincing that maybe he's a bit unhinged IRL.

Between that and fight club...

I agree though. Thoroughly fun to watch!

[–] konalt@lemmy.world 19 points 6 days ago (4 children)
[–] brax@sh.itjust.works 16 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

451 is a great error code. It's a reference to Fahrenheit 451, and is used to indicate government censorship. In this case it's being used all wrong, and almost ironic in nature.

418 is a fun one too. "I'm a teapot"

[–] Two9A@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago (1 children)

418 is always a little disappointing though. Lots of projects out there touting their "full HTCPCP compatibility" when all they do is serve 418 to every request; no actual coffeepots I could find last time I looked.

[–] brax@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 days ago

Sounds like the problem is trying to make teapots capable of coffee pot control protocol.

[–] smeenz@lemmy.nz 10 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

That's probably for the best. Nobody should be subjected to fox news, or contribute to their ad revenue.

[–] 0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

It's still the net, but it's not very inter these days

[–] captainastronaut@seattlelunarsociety.org 16 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Assuming each monkey only has one of those infections each they are probably lowering the population average for Mississippi.

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 5 points 6 days ago

And raising collective IQ

[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 10 points 6 days ago
[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago

At this point I'm just like, yeah, that may just as well happen.

[–] xoggy@programming.dev 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)

They changed the article title but the URL still holds the goods.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 6 points 6 days ago

You'll see this is the case everywhere if you keep an eye out. Fake news, and quiet editing after it circulates. Often on purpose. Like Dezi, the guy that shot cops raiding his house in Australia and went into hiding in the bush. All media outlets pushed stories that he sexually abused children, before removing all references to child sex abuse in later days after everyone had read the story. Likely to further remove any public support for the guy.

[–] BluCypher@piefed.social 145 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I feel like I should check on the story in about 28 days…

[–] toiletobserver@lemmy.world 36 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] raman_klogius@ani.social 1 points 6 days ago

Don't bother checking after 28 months though.

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago

Witnesses of the crash:

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 121 points 1 week ago (4 children)

So, reading the short article, only one infected monkey escaped, per the sheriff's office. Then the University they are from clarified that their infected monkeys are not contagious, and there were no infected monkeys on that truck.

The monkeys are for primate virology research.

Nice reminder of just how hard spun headlines are.

[–] ApeNo1@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

To be fair to the original poster this news article has been revised multiple times since original publication. When it was first posted the article contents very much matched the headline but subsequent changes were made that included things like the clarifications from the university.

[–] blazeknave@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago
[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 15 points 1 week ago

Oh most definitely. But I won't let that get in the way of having a good laugh.

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[–] ApeNo1@lemmy.world 78 points 1 week ago (1 children)

RFK Jr will be very worried that his newly recruited team for the health and human services department had an accident whilst travelling to their new government offices.

[–] smeenz@lemmy.nz 6 points 6 days ago

Those monkeys are significantly more qualified than any of his current picks.

[–] aarch0x40@lemmy.world 61 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] bobs_monkey@lemmy.zip 32 points 1 week ago (3 children)

To give Hollywood some fresh material

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[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 34 points 1 week ago (2 children)

My monkey shipment!?!? There goes my weekend plans.

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[–] trolololol@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago

Now tell me there was 12 monkeys in there

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 27 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I actually had this one on my 2025 bingo card.

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Honestly, I'd be pretty aggressive too if I had hepatitis, herpes, and COVID and was just involved in a crash.

[–] shyguyblue@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Right Wing conspiracy in 3... 2...

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago

The crazy part is they were headed to Florida...

Which means despite all the existing infections, they were likely meant as a control group /s

[–] bytesonbike@discuss.online 18 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Dang DEI anti-woke monkeys carrying a fake china disease made in a laboratory

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 17 points 1 week ago

Thanks OBiden

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[–] rozodru@pie.andmc.ca 20 points 1 week ago

yeah with the way things have been going this tracks.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] RaoulDook@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)

First rule of 12 monkeys club is that you do not talk about 12 monkeys club

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[–] AcidiclyBasicGlitch@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

You beat me to it...

Dear God... Just why!?!

A friend of mine sent me the first screenshot and I thought the Facebook account had just been hacked.

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