this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 39 comments
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[–] vateso5074@lemmy.world 49 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I would never stoop as low as that.

...

PS4 and Xbox One are weak, last-gen consoles. I'd use the same PC that I have all the porn tabs open on.

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Taking a break from your game for a quick wank, like a man of class.

[–] gnutrino@programming.dev 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Who said anything about taking a break? I've got 2 monitors and 2 hands.

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

I said 'quick wank' not 'goon sesh'

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 32 points 1 week ago

I have no wife and no job, so that's pretty much every day for me.

[–] Son_of_Macha@lemmy.cafe 16 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Lotion. Ick. Stop cutting your dick skin off you crazy puritanical people.

[–] Mickey7@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why would you not use lotion and risk chafing your cock?

[–] King_Bob_IV@startrek.website 5 points 1 week ago

Because actual lube works better?

This dude thinks it's better dry

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

Just replace everything with a bed.

[–] cattywampas@midwest.social 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Me, except no porn so I'm ravenous for that pussy when she gets back.

[–] Mickey7@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah but what's you maximum of days to let that load build up before you really need to drain it off

[–] sparky@lemmy.federate.cc 4 points 1 week ago

That’s enough internet for me today

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 week ago

Where's the goon cave?

[–] realitista@lemmus.org 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] gon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

?! And you're a pro?! A professional gooner?!

[–] realitista@lemmus.org 4 points 1 week ago

More than this yokel that's for sure.

[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Same here, except I also use the opportunity to cook stuff for myself that my wife doesn't like. Fuck pizza.

[–] chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Not a romantic partner (obviously) but currently my sister and I are roommates, and when she's out of town or staying at her boyfriend's place I make the meals she isn't really interested in, like Moqueca.

[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

I never heard of Moqueca and googled it, and it does look very delicious!

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Yeah, like anything containing onions, garlic, bell peppers or other ingredients with too much flavour.

I decided she can be not home permanently. I hope your situation is better lol

[–] EndlessNightmare@reddthat.com 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If I couldn't use onions or garlic, that would be a dealbreaker

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 week ago

Having to eat bland foods for the rest of my life was an insignificant factor in the decision to free myself from servitude, but it was still a factor.

[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I like a good steak. However, my wife does not prefer it medium rare - she belongs to those heretics who would shamelessly order it well done (that's why I never go to steakhouses with her). She also hates spicy food. Or some kinds of traditional German food which I grew up with.

So yeah. Whenever she's away, it's usually steak, some spicy Asian dish or Berlin style grilled liver.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ah, doesn't sound TOO bad. I was legitimately prohibited from using any vegetables in my sauces. Sauce had to be just the meat, cream, melted cheese to thicken it up and it had to be a store-bought mix for flavor. Like those Maggi ones, 4 cheese mix, carbonara mix, etc. No experimenting. Even tomatoes were a no-go.

Needless to say, I let her do the cooking because I found it depressing. When she was away, I'd make a nice curry or chilli... Or, like you, a steak, which I prefer medium rare (though sometimes rare is nice too).

[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Wow, okay. At least I got my wife to appreciate a decent sauce, and I got her off the store-bought sauce mixes.

It's been many years but I still remember which recipe did the trick: Salisbury steak.

Make steak patties using ground beef, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, pepper, breadcrumbs. Fry until brown. Set aside. In the same pan, sauté 250g mushrooms and a chopped onion until brown, add tomato paste, add some flour, add 500ml beef stock and a pinch of sugar (ketchup works well too). Salt, pepper, Worcestershire sauce to taste. Add steaks to sauce. Cook until steaks done.

She loves this and it kinda cured her from buying Maggi crap, lol.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago

Oh yeah, Salisbury steak is a killer recipe. Love it.

I actually went straight to the ingredients list without reading the rest of your comment and went "hey that sounds like Salisbury steak" lol

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 1 points 1 week ago

I'd also fuck pizza

[–] kubica@fedia.io 9 points 1 week ago

I don't have white or black nintendos.

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 week ago
[–] Macaroni_ninja@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You are not allowed to wear shorts or eat pizza while she is home?

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

the shorts are for the pornhub.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 points 1 week ago

The pizza is for the hotel hallway. 😉

[–] ArchmageAzor@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

This feels like a prime 2018 meme

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

as funny as this comment is, do console wars really need to exist? does brand loyalty and basing your identity on the products you consume need to exist?

[–] luciferofastora@feddit.org 1 points 1 week ago

No, they don't.

Microsoft wars on the other hand...


That is also a joke. Don't base your identity on brands, technologies or corporations; not even on hating them. Base it on values and moral convictions, then judge the rest by them.

[–] EndlessNightmare@reddthat.com 0 points 1 week ago

PC or GTFO!

[–] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago

Pretty much lol