No Stupid Questions

Replies have certainly taken on a more Reddit-like quality to some things. Like rude for the sake of being rude.

I first joined and started using Lemmy probably a couple months before you.

Back then, when anyone was being uncivil, needlessly hostile, rude, or aggressive, there was a very high likelihood that other users would call it out quickly. Many, many wonderful folks did it on my behalf multiple times and that's one of the big reasons I stuck around, because that's cool as hell if you ask me. I'm here to enjoy myself and have a little fun, not to be verbally abused because some problematic person lacks reading comprehension or prefers to make wild assumptions based on very limited information.

I won't say there's been a recent uptick in hostility, unless your definition of lately is a lot more lenient than my own. However, I will say that with each new outrage from Reddit comes an influx of new users and with each new influx, it's only a short period of time before I notice things are suddenly a bit less nice, friendly, and casual.

Sadly, things are at the point now where I rarely bother to read any responses, replies, or messages in my inbox. I usually just go in there to click "mark as read" to clear the notifications without reading them and move on. There's just too much negativity directed my way, often super randomly to the most innocuous stuff, or random users I can't recall ever interacting with who somehow seem to have a chip on their shoulder. It's actually kind of bizarre at times. Regardless, for my style of participation, which is mostly parodying old people facebook and sharing random anecdotes, feeling like I need to ignore replies is still okay, I guess.

Anyway, glad I'm not the only one who has noticed the shift. Wish there were an easy button to get things back to the welcoming place Lemmy used to be.

No. Why? Are you accusing me of something? Are you threatening me??

/s

Yes, blocking posts from .ml and dbzer0 helped. Same goes for just liberally blocking anybody, who starts screaming instead of participating nicely.

I've been considering blocking .world, as some of the mods are behaving like power tripping reddit mods. But it's the biggest instance and without it I wouldn't have any content.

Yes.

I change accounts far more often now.

Block and block often. Now if lemmy admins will just unspez their attitude about reciprocal blocks I can cull the herd of raging douche nozzles infesting every online community.

Post quality go down. Echo chamber go up.

I considered making a really insulting comment on this just for fun, but I just can't be arsed.

It seems hostility is the norm across most social media.

From a neutral viewpoint, the world is more divided than ever, no matter what values you have, there's someone who opposes them with few, if any exceptions. Those opposing viewpoints have only grown in strength and number on the Internet, for years.

Additionally, the "us vs them" mentality of everyone is blinding them to even understanding why someone would disagree with their viewpoint. Of course that's not everyone, but it's a growing and very loud group.

Political violence is also starting to run rampant. Escalation after escalation. It keeps building.

So in this time of having a global voice, that can reach hundreds of millions of people with a single tweet or comment or thread or post or whatever, and with so much growing hatred among different political groups, it's unsurprising to me that conflict is rising.

Additionally, Lemmy is growing. Not everyone that joins Lemmy will be the same type of person that joined Lemmy after the Reddit API incident. That influx of people had a very similar value set, because they almost all came here from Reddit for the same reason. So there's at least a good amount of overlap in everyone's values.

Over time, more and more diverse people have been joining Lemmy, and it's not surprising that they have differing opinions on a lot of things.

This outcome was pretty much inevitable.

As far as I'm concerned, as long as it's done respectfully and civilly, then disagree. Debate. Try to understand the opposing viewpoint, even if you don't agree with it.

It seems that out in the real world and here in the digital world we have been allowed/engineered to lose our civility and respect. Reminds me of the rock orchestra DEVO.

I haven’t noticed anything in particular, and I do post in more controversial areas like Politics and News. There’s always a chance to get negative feedback in those c/.

I have noticed some ancient-ass reddit-type reposts of the same old shit that circulates reddit, though. That junk can die.

E: maybe I stand corrected. I asked for a source for a claim and got downvoted because someone’s ego couldn’t take it or it was too hard to provide a source.

The hostility has been here for quite a while, though. When the migrating happened from Reddit to Lemmy it was all nice and cozy but after a year or so the hostility was already there. Very often people did not want to acknowledge this (and started to heavily downvote the particular comment stating this). Plus with what is happening* in the world, the negativity from reality seeps into the digital world.

But anyway, the best thing to do is just block anyone who is hostile towards you for no actual reason. Has no point to put energy and/ or time in it.

Not really besides maybe more conservative trolls upsetting people in their usual favourites like unpopular opinion communities. Negative communities are troll attracting nectar generally.

mid 2023 felt honeymoony, but i knew would eventually wear off

It's growing everywhere. The problem is subjective, which is why the current model fails. I've tried to suggest ones in the past where users have more control about general moderation in their communities or can at least choose their curators, with communities themselves are more decentralized from their instances, but there is no interest, at least not in losing that power of control.

The people who downvote after every reply don't really help, they either just want the last word or aren't really interested in an honest conversation. The anonymous downvotes don't really help either (specially when they coincide with thread upvotes coming from accounts with no comment or post history that just seem interested in nudging the conversation to an alt).

I imagine it can be hard to scroll past someone saying something very off the wall. When you read someone's comment it's hard not to feel like they're talking directly to you, and if you don't align with what they're saying, especially if you're far from it, it can be hard to resist correcting them or giving them your opinion, when I catch myself doing this, I try to reframe it to ask a question, rather than dump opposing facts.

But there's another perspective I try really hard to keep in mind, if I were sitting at a table with a group of people and someone was loudly saying those things to me in person, I wouldn't engage. I'd move to a quieter spot and ask the people I do like at the table to come for a chat there, or I'd acknowledge their feelings (but not the topic) and move to a different conversation topic.

But I feel like I need more practice at doing this when it's in a text form of socializing, as this is.

I notice some amazing people on here, whom I aspire to learn from, that handle conflicting opinions with grace, and inclusion.

And I understand the dehumanisation that text conversations, present, it can be easy to imagine a hostility that may not be behind the comment. We're all filling in the blanks of the personality behind the commenter. I worked a checkout for a good decade, so I'm very familiar with positions that can become dehumanised. Especially seeing as that seemed to be throughout a time when a huge bulk of people felt like they were only going to get righted the situation they believed had wronged them, by yelling or getting massively agro at the poor checkout chick who was gunna set that right wrong, because fk corporations, I enjoyed giving as much free stuff away as possible, any excuse, within the rules I could muster.

I absolutely understand tensions being high, currently, with world events being what they are. And there's so much propaganda trying to brain wash us into being an army for their cause, and it's all rage baity. So there's even more rage and tension built up. I get it.

I really feel for people who can't, and haven't been helped to learn how to help and sooth their emotions, and then those emotions fester into all consuming things. And they find a cause to funnel that emotion into. Without really addressing that emotion, therefore not actual helping, processing or soothing that emotion.

See, we feel a feeling first, and then we ascribe a meaning, after. Except those two parts of the brain don't actually communicate. The emotional brain is essentially non verbal, and the thinking brain, is verbal, but obviously it doesn't do emotions. So you have this thinking guy in your head trying to tell you what emotions mean, except that guy is not an expert and knows nothing about them.

Your emotional brain is essentially a, very detailed messenger system for checking the temperature of the room. If shit feels off, it sends an alarm. Your emotions are a message to you that the shower temperature is too hot. It's not really about that argument you had with your sibling last fortnight.

And to top it off, your emotional brain is non verbal, so all that ranting that you do, thinking that you solve the anger (or whatever emotion) you feel isn't! It's actually making it worse.

Your emotional brain is super primal, and very simplistic. All it wants is to know you took your hand out of the broiling hot shower water, and now your safe, and it's message worked. It feels the environment and let's you know if that's vibing good stuff or danger. Sometime all you gotta do is change environment, or do a couple of jumping jacks, to help that emotional brain know, dangers gone. If you sit in the same spot and stress, your brain can even learn, that's a stressful spot to sit, every time we sit here, bam, gotta be bad, and spits up those same feelings, even if it's about nothing, just habit.

It also believes anything you tell it, because it's listening to vibes. So even if shits fkd, right now, you have to keep telling yourself, everything is OK, you are safe and a capable bad ass, who has handled all the shit life threw so far, so you absolutely got this. Time to shine.

Your emotions are a message for you, and you alone. And if you expect others to sooth your emotions, all the time, you tell yourself that you don't trust yourself to be capable of helping yourself process emotions. Obviously, we also need connection, so at the same time, it's not at all about doing it alone. But it's more about feeling safe to sit in emotions, rather than, fixing them. The way forward is sometimes the way back, sit in the emotion. Don't try and put it out like it's a fire, or distract it with shiny things. Just be, and listen, feel. Sometimes you need to sit with someone and not feel like you have to create a false front. Just sit and feel, for a bit.

If you're getting stuck in emotions for elongated periods of time, there's people who spend multiple years at school learning how to try and show you all the tips and tricks we've learned so far. Have a chat with one (or two if you don't vibe with numerous uno) of them.

It's literally all about emotional regulation. The mean people, haven't been able to process their emotions, have never been taught how, their parents didn't know, themselves, to tell them. And they're being bombarded with proverbial tornadoes from all sides. And there's so much rage baity propaganda, all designed to fuel and feed off that.

Yup, it's happened to me a couple of times this week alone. It's getting silly.

You want a piece of this??