this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2025
378 points (99.0% liked)

Not The Onion

18232 readers
1653 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Can't imagine what could possibly go wrong with this idea.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] PlutoniumAcid@lemmy.world 4 points 3 hours ago

I see no possibility of this going wrong. /s

[–] melsaskca@lemmy.ca 6 points 3 hours ago

Once the drones are taken over by child-shooter hackers, ICBM launches against random schools will be used as a deterrent. Failing that all schools will be closed and the problem with "school shootings" will finally be solved! /s

[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 9 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Wait until the bullied nerd learns to hack that system and sends the armed drones to exterminate the jocks.

[–] modus@lemmy.world 7 points 3 hours ago

That could never happen. The manufacturer assured parents their proprietary software is unhackable.

[–] skisnow@lemmy.ca 13 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I'm trying to imagine something like this getting installed in my old school in the UK, and it's so bizarre and totally removed from my reality growing up that I can't even picture it.

The whole concept of a robot armed with a lethal weapon just sitting there in my classroom each and every day, waiting for someone in a remote control centre to decide that someone in the room should be killed? I think that would traumatize me a little even if there never was an attack.

[–] artifex@piefed.social 1 points 15 minutes ago

I don't think it's a location thing, it's an intelligence thing - I'm in Florida and it doesn't make any more sense to me

[–] Siegehammer85@lemmy.world 4 points 4 hours ago

I've been predicting that terrorist (aka conservatives in the US) will start using them from long range soon. I'm surprised that this didn't start happening sooner but I guess people of that disposition aren't very clever so it's taken a whole lot longer to catch on.

[–] Bloomcole@lemmy.world 4 points 6 hours ago

Then those coward pigs can finally do something while they're hiding. And probably make more victims

[–] railcar@midwest.social 16 points 9 hours ago (3 children)

Yep, these definitely won't get hacked

[–] skisnow@lemmy.ca 7 points 6 hours ago

Why get your hands bloody assaulting a school yourself, when you can get a job at the drone control centre and mow down a bunch of kids from two cities away?

[–] NateNate60@lemmy.world 10 points 9 hours ago

Damn, even school shooters get to work from home now.

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 7 points 9 hours ago

Betting there’s a contest for it at Defcon 2026

[–] shirro@aussie.zone 11 points 14 hours ago

Often we see people being demonised and dehumanized for political purposes. Americans basically dehumanize themselves.

As a parent I can't think of anything much more traumatic than losing a child to a gun massacre. It makes me furious. Watching Americans passively do nothing about this for decades has gone from infuriating to blame. I can't relate to them anymore.

I didn't make them sub-human by questioning their race or religion or politics. They made themselves sub-human by ignoring the most basic moral and ethical requirements of human society and family. Watching them kill each other won't bring me joy but it doesn't outrage me as much as watching people in war torn countries being massacred in conflicts over which they had no control.

This was a choice from a weak broken society.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 51 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)

Ah, sniper drones. Like the ones Israel has been using to shoot children in the head.

Tried and tested on Palestinian children, now ready for the open market.

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 7 points 15 hours ago (1 children)
[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 12 points 14 hours ago

Mostly I've heard about this from interviews with international volunteer doctors in Gaza

https://www.commondreams.org/news/doctors-describe-gaza-children-shot-in-head

[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 101 points 22 hours ago

I can't imagine that anything will go wrong. /s

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 11 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

ED-209: CITIZEN, DROP THE WEAPON. YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS TO COMPLY.

Random Kid: B...b... But I don't even have a weapon!

ED-209: YOU NOW HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY. 9. 8. 7...

[–] musubibreakfast@lemmy.world 11 points 15 hours ago

Random Kid: W...w... We were just shooting spit balls! It's just a straw, please!

ED-209: WEAPON CONFIRMED, ARMING RAIL GUN.

kid reduced to fine red mist

ED-209: TARGET NEUTRALIZED. STATE IF PARENTS SHOULD BE NOTIFIED THROUGH TEXT.

no response

ED-209: VERY WELL, ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR SCHOOL DAY.

drone flies off

[–] desmosthenes@lemmy.world 78 points 22 hours ago (15 children)

anything but the actual, common sense, solution

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 33 points 21 hours ago

They don't do common sense over there.

load more comments (14 replies)
[–] thesohoriots@lemmy.world 59 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

That one kid with a flipper zero: hold my juice box

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 25 points 21 hours ago

It is so much worse than that

What happens when they can't figure out who compromised the device?

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 8 points 15 hours ago

Anything besides sensible gun control.

[–] quoll@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 15 hours ago (1 children)
[–] timbuck2themoon@sh.itjust.works 5 points 13 hours ago

Amen. Doesn't mean guns will immediately be illegal. It just won't be something you can obtain simply for living to a long enough point.

[–] workerONE@lemmy.world 8 points 16 hours ago

Armed with pepper balls

"Once airborne, they offer two-way communication through an embedded speakerphone. They also can break glass, make loud noises, fire nonlethal pepper-spray pellets or take other action within a minute as a first response to an incident. "

[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 5 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

So instead of dealing with the actual problem... they're going to add to the problem. Wow. What a fucking liberty.

EDIT: I clearly didn't read the article. Not going to rewrite or delete what I said. Keeping my integrity. Thanks 👌

[–] ChetManly@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago

A drone that size carrying only a go-pro has a battery life of only a few minutes. With all the shit this company glued to it I'm sure the shooter just has to close a door and count to 100 and the thing will fall out of the air.

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 15 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Shit. They still haven't thought of the obvious solution.

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Gator's with mounted guns. You're right!

[–] yuknowhokat@lemmy.world 5 points 14 hours ago

Frickin lasers on their heads!

[–] Bakedtaint@lemmy.world 4 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

So do they just circle over the school until the shooter has killed everyone and leaves the building?

[–] shirro@aussie.zone 4 points 13 hours ago

They have to make sure it is safe for the police to go in.

[–] MuskyMelon@lemmy.world 18 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

This is called over-engineering the solution

[–] jacksilver@lemmy.world 16 points 18 hours ago

I mean, not really. Cause it's not even a solution.

It's more likely a grift some politician is using to pay a friend some money to play with drones.

load more comments (1 replies)

Skynet for brown people

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 19 points 21 hours ago

Fortunately they are currently only equipped with non lethal capabilities. So it's going to be fun to watch the consequences of someone hacking into them and people to realize how much of a bad idea this was

load more comments
view more: next ›