this post was submitted on 29 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] rising_man@lemmy.world 7 points 13 hours ago

The fact that they can get those messages easily.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 25 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If patel wasn't director of fbi, he'd already been deported by racist ICE agents.

[–] derpgon@programming.dev 14 points 14 hours ago

Not gonna lie, he totally looks like someone who was picked up randomly on the street, given uniform, and told to "do as I say".

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 15 points 1 day ago

Sounds pretty open and shut to me, so I'm totally convinced - Kash Patel is a treasonous moron.

[–] Macchi_the_Slime@piefed.blahaj.zone 213 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (4 children)

I adore the meme that Patel's FBI fabricated those texts between the alleged Kirk shooter and his partner. Just the fact that they've done such a poor job gaining public trust that a bunch of people watching the story ended up like "Okay, I wouldn't have thought the FBI would fabricate evidence like this before, but Kash Patel has utterly convinced me that they fabricated these texts. Look how conveniently they answer every single outstanding question for the investigation and sound like they were written by a 40 year old federal agent and not a college kid from Utah."

It's objectively fucking hilarious. Especially if the texts are actually real.

[–] ArmchairAce1944@discuss.online 3 points 3 hours ago

Its almost feels like a scene in a comedy where a grown ass man is playing with dolls that look like his enemies and he makes them speak like morons.

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 38 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Oh my god I hadn't read them before but those are 100% faked wtf. The only time I've seen a zoomer talk like that is when they're mocking or imitating older people.

[–] Macchi_the_Slime@piefed.blahaj.zone 25 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Yeah no they're fucking wild. Oh yeah let me just text my partner telling them the location of a note that I totally made admitting to doing it but that I planned on never telling anyone. A letter mind you that was apparently destroyed but not before taking a picture of for fucking posterity I guess? Oh and remember how I was engraving bullets the other day? That thing that you were presumably there for if I'm asking you if you remember.

[–] mikesizachrist@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

Also, what kid (or anyone) calls his car a "vehicle" or a cop car a "squad car". It's all in cop-speak: circle back, vehicle, squad car

[–] ButtermilkBiscuit@feddit.nl 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Wut?? Do you have a link? I searched but only coming up with a fox new video seems unrelated. Must be behind the curve on this story I haven't seen these texts but that sounds fucking hilarious.

[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] ButtermilkBiscuit@feddit.nl 27 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Jesus Christ is this for real? It's like the AI video they released after Kirk got shot. I'm not normally a big conspiracy person but something is fucking weird here.

[–] Macchi_the_Slime@piefed.blahaj.zone 15 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Right? I'm not a big conspiracy person either. But my Gods between the Epstein stuff, the live tweeting this investigation, and how hard they've pushed the left wing violence narrative it's so hard to look at those messages and not think something is fishy.

It feels so much like that time the Russians tried to brag about catching some Ukrainian terrorist and stage a photo with all the evidence they seized including 3 random copies of The Sims. Or that time the IDF tried to claim they found this pristine copy of Mein Kampf in a child's bedroom they bombed. They've done so much lying that any info that's convenient for them I have a hard time believing isn't a lie.

The guy absolutely could just have been "Like That" and overshared. I've definitely known people like that. But with everything that's happened I just can't help but feel like it's suspicious that the texts just so conveniently happen to just perfectly answer all these questions the administration has in just the perfect way.

[–] killingspark@feddit.org 11 points 1 day ago

I lost a little faith I didn't even know I had left while reading these weird ass definitely crafted messages

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 81 points 2 days ago (2 children)

It's comical how stupid they think people are, and reprehensible how some people are dumb enough to gobble it up

[–] ArmchairAce1944@discuss.online 3 points 3 hours ago

They think people are stupid because they themselves are stupid.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 27 points 1 day ago

Have you met Trumpers?

[–] flandish@lemmy.world 41 points 2 days ago (2 children)

right? i mean the gov fabricated the entire reason for the vietnam war among other things. it’s kind of what a gov does lol.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 5 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

You might even say they manufactured it all to gain the consent of the people.

[–] flandish@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago

found the Chomsky! 😉😂💚

[–] obre@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago

And the Iraq war

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 59 points 1 day ago
[–] Snowcano@startrek.website 66 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This had my wife knocking on the door and asking why I was laughing in the bathroom.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 17 points 1 day ago

'now you get why I laughed the first time I saw it, baby'

Looks legit, I will need nor seek anymore information and will believe this post as truth until the day I die.

[–] jontree255@lemmy.world 76 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Patel perpetually looks like he shit his pants.

[–] bobs_monkey@lemmy.zip 37 points 2 days ago

He does so in solidarity with Dear Leader

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 16 points 1 day ago

You would, too, if you were that grossly under qualified

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

With his standard combination of surprise, fear, and nausea I'd say he looks more like someone else just shit his pants.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 day ago

finally, The Mystery of Who Shit My Pants is real

[–] crank0271@lemmy.world 55 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I don't want to burst anyone's bubble about the otherwise obvious validity of these messages, but it's curious that James Comey has his wife in his contacts as James Comey. Everything else looks totally authentic though, and James Comey is clearly in some hot water.

[–] Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone 39 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Oh, that’s just short for Mrs. James Comey, in the traditional manner.

[–] crank0271@lemmy.world 20 points 2 days ago

Some people would just use the more traditional shorthand, "Mother."

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 14 points 1 day ago

They're both trans, he just is a bit of a dick and left her dead name as the contact. She was once James Comey and he was once Jane Comey, but after marriage they both transitioned. I'd be curious to see if she changed his dead name as well.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Kash Patel has all the charisma of a full bottle of cum.

[–] ArmchairAce1944@discuss.online 2 points 2 hours ago

Seeing him speak makes me wonder how the fuck did he manage to make a living as a podcaster. This guy couldn't sell me a dollar for 50 cents.

[–] Mrkawfee@feddit.uk 3 points 3 hours ago

And he has a hot, totally not a Mossad agent, girlfriend.

[–] madjo@feddit.nl 2 points 11 hours ago

I think he's more like the cumbox rather than a bottle.

[–] TheColonel@reddthat.com 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Let’s not be too generous.

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

They never said it was anything close to fresh. That bottle has been filled over the span of multiple years and has a smell

[–] phoenixarise@lemmy.world 34 points 2 days ago

See what happens when you have a podcaster in charge of an important position? We get clickbait for news. 😂

[–] dumbass@aussie.zone 27 points 1 day ago

Kash has the look of a kid after their parent found their poop draw.

[–] ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 23 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Aw so nice that they gave him a jacket that says FBI and everything

[–] tidderuuf@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (2 children)

You can get one from Spencer's. It just says Federal Booby Inspector.

[–] NABDad@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

At this point Federal Booby Inspector has more prestige.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 day ago

I think it was Female Body Inspector tbh

[–] dan69@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago

Okay now leak the Epstein files..

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 4 points 1 day ago