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I'm burnt out, already changed jobs, what else can I do to go back to my normal self? (linux.community)

submitted 1 day ago by vestmoria@linux.community to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

28 comments fedilink hide all child comments

former bed side nurse here on sick leave till the end of the month. I should start my new job away from patients with normal working hours on October 1st.

I feel drained, even though I eat and sleep well, the best I've slept in months, my circadian rhythm is that of a normal human being, I can cook, go shopping, I even play some hobbies now.

Nobody yells at me or makes passive aggressive or backhanded remarks for me to hear.

The 1st. of October is a week away and I don't believe I'll be a fully functioning human being by then, most probably I'll ask for a 2 week sick leave extension.

what worked for you to go back to your normal self?

top 28 comments

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[–] MuttMutt@lemmy.world 6 points 10 hours ago

You truly have to find what helps you. For some people it's minimal activity and relaxation, for others it's something frantic and crazy(but not their job), some people turn to sex and relationships, others turn towards absolute control, while someone else may prefer to fully relinquish control of everything and just plain let another person be in control of every aspect of their life.

Being burned out takes a while to figure out sometimes. I personally want to be 70 feet under water on a reef every chance I get so I don't have to think about or really deal with people. Nature often helps people who are in jobs where they are stuck indoors and time with very few people and minimal communication if they normally deal with a constant stream of people. Basically the polar opposite of their job.

Going for a walk in a park our on a beach is a good place to start it you can. Find something that allows your mind to just exist and be a part of your surroundings. In a pinch you may find that searching for an asmr nature video may help if you can't figure out what you want to do or don't have easy access. Sometimes it's about finding your element. If the idea of being in water sets you on edge and stresses you out it's probably not going to help, at the same time if you don't like heat going for a jog in a desert won't be your cup of tea either.

[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au 3 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

Sorry to be blunt but at some stage you might have to step back and take a look at your own actions and attitude and see that the only constant in all this is…..you. From your own posts over the last 6 months you’ve painted a picture of someone who has issues with pretty much everyone you’ve ever worked with, are filled with hate towards everyone, and can’t get along with your coworkers.

This is like the 6th thread I’ve seen on here by you, every one almost identical in that you hate your job, you hate everyone there, everyone is mean to you, everyone else is lazy, etc……

It seems like you have some very deep issues that are causing this behaviour and reaction from both yourself and others.

[–] DegenerationIP@lemmy.world 1 points 9 minutes ago

I feel like I need to say something about that.

Its partly true. Most of the time it is a systematic problem in bigger companies. Those are fact driven. So just running around ranting will mark you as the problem, even if you're not really.

There are strategies how to sort feelings and thoughts, before going off. Thats something I learned in my career. Venting is important - but in a certain extend.

One thought that I have about colleagues that are pessimistic is: Be part of the solution, not the problem. Often easier said than done. But there is a lot of truth behind it.

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 0 points 8 hours ago

This is like the 6th thread I’ve seen on here by you, every one almost identical in that you hate your job, you hate everyone there, everyone is mean to you, everyone else is lazy, etc

then read the thread again dude, apparently you didn't notice I no longer work there

[–] Strider@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

Find out the root cause. Not that that's easy, I agree. However you need to find out why it happens to be able to address it.

For me it is autism. Just saying since the causes can vary wildly and be totally unexpected.

[–] jbrains@sh.itjust.works 10 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Burnout has lasting effects. The only effective antidote is rest until rest actually leads to recovery once again. I have struggled with actually resting, as opposed to merely pausing, but feeling anxious about the next batch of commitments to try to live up to.

The quality of your rest is likely to determine what happens next. Rest the best and deepest you can.

Peace.

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 5 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

as opposed to merely pausing,

this is the worst. knowing the shitstorm you stepped away from is going to be a shitstorm when you return, and knowing you can't influence it but know it's coming means you can't actually rest.

have been through this extensively. good point.

[–] alternategait@lemmy.world 1 points 16 minutes ago

One of the things that I took from therapy was to stop and really consider how much influence I had over specific outcomes and then dive even more deeply into how much influence I had over specific outcomes at specific points in time.

I might have 85% control over x component of my job generally while I’m physically present. But do I have any control over it at 3AM while I’m at home? No, there’s 0% control and not way to change that, it’s better to save my energy to deal with it in the near future than stressing/ruminating about it right now.

This is a result of 3 rounds of therapy each running about 3 years, one of them including group mindfulness meditation followed by group therapy in addition to individual therapy. It’s not easy, but it is possible. I also strongly believe it’s worth it.

[–] foggy@lemmy.world 28 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Hi. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Over 12 years in therapy, about 10 years into my professional career. Can speak at length as to what goes into burn out, but you don't care. You're there. You need help getting out.

The absolute most maniacal piece of the puzzle is that everything (and everyone) is telling you to do less of what's burning you out and to make more time for rest etc.

Rest is important. Let me make that clear. However:

If you were to add exercising daily, and also add an hour or two dedicated towards a hobby every day, this will counterintuitively reduce your burnout symptoms.

As a person who keeps their work and personal email inbox empty, believe me, I know the advice is nails on a chalkboard. I seek 0 chaos. Adding to chaos surely won't bring me closer, right?

Wrong.

The paradox here is that “adding load” in the form of exercise or a hobby is not the same as piling on more work. It’s giving your brain and body different inputs... Psychologists call this "recovery through detachment and mastery." You unplug from the stressor while engaging in something meaningful or physically beneficial, which recharges your coping capacity.

nih.gov

ScienceDirect

sagepub

Frontiers Public Health

[–] yyyesss@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

yes 100% this. in CBT, they would say to "take actions that are in line with your values."

your values aren't your morals or your beliefs - they're the things that make life worth living. what's really important to you? when you look back, what is the thing you value most (or will regret not having done)? find a way to do something that feeds into that.

your job isn't you. for most people, it's just some shit you have to do. your values are you. and they should be your first priority.

[–] sunzu2@thebrainbin.org 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It will take a year or so to recover.

Don't give a fuck attitude going forward is a must.

You are trading time for money. Nothing else.

Allow yourself to get bored so you can start doing hobbies again

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 1 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Don’t give a fuck attitude going forward is a must.

I'm gonna have to ask you to explain here:

I stopped giving a fuck about my coworkers 2 weeks before calling in sick, like, fuck them and I hope they burn in hell. If I ever have to set foot at that god forsaken piece of shit ward I'm calling in sick again. Fuck em.

I also don't give a fuck about any of my former managers.

I don't want to to say I don't give a flying fuck about my current hospital, because I'm staying with them on a different role until I find something better, which may or may not happen, but it's a clock in clock out and I'm fucking done with you and fuck you asshole situation

you suggest not giving a fuck even going forward? but I do need to give a fuck not to lose my new position until I have secured a newer one, right? I don't even know if I'm going to hate the new position away from patients as much as the ward.

you other 3 bullet points are great though

[–] alternategait@lemmy.world 1 points 23 minutes ago

Give a fuck while you’re on the property and don’t give them any space in your mind, heart or soul when you’re gone.

That said, fuck them, hope they burn in hell is the opposite of not giving a fuck since they still get that attention or energy from you. Try to think of them as little as possible and give them as little emotional energy as possible when you do think of them.

[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au 2 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

I’m sorry but this attitude is greatly contributing to your burnout for sure. Carrying this much anger isn’t healthy, and it wears on you.

I wouldn’t say you “don’t give a fuck about them”, because if you didn’t you wouldn’t hate them and despise them so much. You wouldn’t even have a second thought about them.

You’ve got to address those feelings first.

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 2 points 8 hours ago

I don't know if this is PTSD, but the mere mention of their names and remembering them infuriates me.

I know I should be better than this and leave the past behind me, but somehow I cannot.

At least I'm eating and resting well

[–] sunzu2@thebrainbin.org 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Seperate your mental state from your job.

Obviously do your job as required but bare minimum. Don't get emotionally entangled with coworkers and subjects.

They are all NPCs, not real people, that's how corporate world operates.

That also means the flip side... Zero animosity, just business. Nothing personal. It takes practice but once you get there. All that shit just slides off like tefflon.

People won't like you for it but you won't care.

Like I said, it will take a year. But first step is to acknowledge how inhumane these conditions are.

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 2 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

People won’t like you for it but you won’t care.

actually, some unidentified coworkers complained I'm not friendly and the way I speak is demanding.

My former supervisor seemed to care about this because she came to me with these accusations, repeatedly. I still don't know if this something big enough to fire somebody.

I don't care, don't give a fuck but apparently hr does...

[–] sunzu2@thebrainbin.org 1 points 20 hours ago

she came to me with these accusations, repeatedly

god forbid she had to her job of managing. not your problem. it is not your job o make these people like you. your job is to do your job. with that being said, don't expect favours. people will want blood. doing bare min, legally required is your defense on that.

just don't give them any vector of attack. remember time for money. do enough to earn your salary, the rest can get fucked.

go home, enjoy time with loved ones, take care of yourself. this system is designed exploit you and the normie NPCs are just that. let them ruin their lives over a shiti pay check.

control your consumption and stack cash, labour will not set you free. cash money will tho

[–] alternategait@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Burn out takes up to two years to recover from, so a few weeks is really not enough to recover.

Consider watching this video (or don’t, it did make me cry when I was needing to leave patient care).

https://youtu.be/L_1PNZdHq6Q

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

so I'm going to have a way to work and sustain myself while doing some therapy?

Did you do therapy or simply started your new job and somehow your brain forgot that part of your former life? Talked to friends?

I'll watch the video now

[–] alternategait@lemmy.world 1 points 28 minutes ago

Luckily I had somewhat more minor versions of the feelings (I was toast) previously, and had been in therapy at that time. While it wasn’t the focus of the therapy it obviously came up and I had some coping strategies already in place by the time my serious burn out came around.

I agree with what other people said about adding very different feeling things into your life and reducing the things that feel similar. I also have (counterintuitive but bear with me) fairly regular things in my life (I’m a creature of habit) and leaning into those habits really carried me through. I couldn’t make a decision to save my life, but if it was Tuesday I went dancing and Mon/Wed/Fri are strength days and my wife always wants to do happy hour on Friday, so things happened because they always happened if that makes sense.

It sucks because these things are ideally in place before the burnout. When you need them most it’s the hardest to do.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 7 points 1 day ago

I have no advice, I’d just like to congratulate you on leaving a toxic work environment. A lot of people ask for coping advice that will help them tolerate their lousy job, when what they really need to do is get the hell out of there.

[–] Satellaview@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Rest for the mind. Anything that lets me not think and just kind of exist.

Long baths with nice-smelling bath bombs, meditation, even just deciding with intention “okay, this evening I’m just going to lay in bed and watch this set of YouTube documentaries that looks interesting, and if I fall asleep for a bit, I’ll just rewind when I wake up.” Put on an album and listen to it start to finish, and either let it wash over you or let yourself get lost in the little details.

I tend to “relax” by starting new projects, so finding ways to actually relax has been hard. If you’re a little bored and understimulated, you’re on the right track.

Good luck. Medical work is really, really hard, and I hope your new job is a hell of a lot better!

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 1 points 8 hours ago

thank you

[–] the_q@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't really know the context here, but what's normal to you? Like, what specifically are you trying to get back to?

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't want to go to work dreading having to go to work, I don't want to think about how I'm going to be yelled at, what snarky remarks I'm gonna have to hear, what coworkers are going to lazy around while I work and their sit on their asses, I don't want to prepare a working plan for the day only to be completely ignored by a coworker that, while not my superior, feels and acts like it only because she's been there longer than me.

I don't want to go to work in fear.

this looks like PTSD now.

I want to go to work to do the job to the best of my abilities feeling rested, to do my pauses as stipulated in the contract, to avoid drama and go home.

[–] the_q@lemmy.zip 1 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Do you think another career path would alleviate these issues, or do you feel like any job you go into you'll have these fears?

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 1 points 8 hours ago

this is bed nursing specific