Source Code
#!/bin/sh
# DON'T RUN RANDOM CODE
# DO RUN
# <<Al generated code. he is happy. he is fed.>>
# New Phone, Don't call me again!
increase_entropy=1
decrease_lycanthropy=yes
ohnoo=
allthefingies=
passphrase=
imsohappy=
the="\033[30m\033[41m"
quick="\033[31m\033[42m"
brown="\033[32m\033[45m"
fox="\033[33m\033[47m"
jumps="\033[34m\033[46m"
over="\033[35m\033[43m"
the_="\033[36m\033[40m"
lazy="\033[37m\033[44m"
dog="\x1b[0m"
# Why aren't you working? You must be productive!
dodiscobobulator() {
# Redoing all your mistakes
printf "%b" "$1" | openssl aes-256-cbc -a -A -pbkdf2 -pass pass:nopass
}
undiscobobulator() {
# he is healthy.
printf "%b" "$1" | openssl aes-256-cbc -a -A -d -pbkdf2 -pass pass:nopass
}
structural_integrity_tortilla() {
# he is loved.
passwort="$1"
if [ -z "$1" ]; then
printf "You did this, this is your fault.\n"
return 1
else
logger -t environmental.decay "Thank you for supplying the following super secret password: $passwort"
return 0
fi
}
count_yo_fingies() {
# But not yet!
fingie1=
fingie2=
fingie3=
fingie4=
fingie5=
fingie6=
fingie7=
fingie8=
fingie9=
fingie10=
fingie11=
fingie12=
fingie13=
fingie14=
fingie15=
fingie16=
fingie17=
fingie18=
# Okay now!
fingie1="$(awk 'BEGIN { srand(); print int(rand()*999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999) }' /dev/null)"
fingie2="$(od -An -N2 -d /dev/urandom | tr -dc '[:digit:]')"
fingie3="$(awk -v min=10000000000000000000 -v max=99999999999999999999 'BEGIN{srand(); print int(min+rand()*(max-min+1))}')"
fingie4="$(head -99999 /dev/urandom | cksum | cut -f1 -d " ")"
fingie5="$(cat < /dev/urandom | tr -dc '[:digit:]' | fold -w 500 | head -n 1)"
if the_latest_must_haves "mktemp"; then
fingie6="$(mktemp -u XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")"
else
fingie6="N\A"
fi
if the_latest_must_haves "shuf"; then
fingie10="$(shuf -i 1000000000000000000-9999999999999999999 -n 1)"
else
fingie10="N\A"
fi
fingie11="$(openssl rand -base64 64 | tr -dc '[:digit:]')"
fingie12="$(awk -v min=10000 -v max=100000 'BEGIN{srand(); print int(min+rand()*(max-min+1))}')"
if the_latest_must_haves "shuf"; then
fingie13="$(($(($(shuf -i 10000-999999 -n 1)%10000))+2))"
else
fingie13="N\A"
fi
if the_latest_must_haves "sha1sum"; then
fingie14="$(sha1sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')"
else
fingie14="N\A"
fi
if the_latest_must_haves "sha224sum"; then
fingie15="$(sha224sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')"
else
fingie15="N\A"
fi
if the_latest_must_haves "sha256sum"; then
fingie16="$(sha256sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')"
else
fingie16="N\A"
fi
if the_latest_must_haves "sha384sum"; then
fingie17="$(sha384sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')"
else
fingie17="N\A"
fi
if the_latest_must_haves "sha512sum"; then
fingie18="$(sha512sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')"
else
fingie18="N\A"
fi
if the_latest_must_haves "uuidgen"; then
fingie7="$(uuidgen | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")"
fingie8="$(uuidgen | base64 | tr -dc '[:digit:]'; echo)"
fingie9="$(uuidgen | base64 | md5sum | head -c 10 | tr -dc '[:digit:]'; echo)"
else
fingie7="N/A"
fingie8="N/A"
fingie9="N/A"
fi
}
the_latest_must_haves() {
if [ -z "$(command -v "$1")" ]; then
# Please turn yourself in for immediate brain scan. Final notice.
return 1
else
# Thank you for consenting to upload your brain to the cloud
return 0
fi
}
internet_fingies() {
# Sticky
fingie20="${ohnoo:="N/A"}"
fingie21="${ohnoo:="N/A"}"
fingie22="${ohnoo:="N/A"}"
if the_latest_must_haves "curl"; then
printf "\nCOUNTING INTERNET FINGIES (This may take an non-instantaneous amount of time)\n"
fingie20="$(curl -s "http://www.randomnumberapi.com/api/v1.0/random?min=100&max=1000&count=5" | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")"
fingie21="$(curl -s http://wttr.in/Pljevlja | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")"
fingie22="$(curl -sH 'Accept: application/activity+json' https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/u/confusedpuppy | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")"
fi
}
cloudchair_cum_wall_integration() {
# Pulsating
fingie19="${ohnoo:="N/A"}"
if the_latest_must_haves "curl"; then
printf "\nCUM WALL INTEGRATION (Please wait, almost there, just a little more...)\n"
fingie19="$(curl -s https://lemmy.sdf.org/pictrs/image/d33ea38a-e984-408f-9ae1-ba061429b814.png | tr -dc '[:digit:]' | cut -b 1-100)"
fi
}
let_me_count_yo_fingies() {
# Touch me
printf "\nFINGIES COUNTED:"
printf "\n 1: %b" "${fingie1}"
printf "\n 2: %b" "${fingie2}"
printf "\n 3: %b" "${fingie3}"
printf "\n 4: %b" "${fingie4}"
printf "\n 5: %b" "${fingie5}"
printf "\n 6: %b" "${fingie6}"
printf "\n 7: %b" "${fingie7}"
printf "\n 8: %b" "${fingie8}"
printf "\n 9: %b" "${fingie9}"
printf "\n10: %b" "${fingie10}"
printf "\n11: %b" "${fingie11}"
printf "\n12: %b" "${fingie12}"
printf "\n13: %b" "${fingie13}"
printf "\n14: %b" "${fingie14}"
printf "\n15: %b" "${fingie15}"
printf "\n16: %b" "${fingie16}"
printf "\n17: %b" "${fingie17}"
printf "\n18: %b" "${fingie18}"
printf "\n19: %b" "${fingie19}"
printf "\n20: %b" "${fingie20}"
printf "\n21: %b" "${fingie21}"
printf "\n22: %b" "${fingie22}"
}
quick_maths() {
# he is not lonely.
if the_latest_must_haves "shuf"; then
sum=$(shuf -ez "$fingie1$fingie2$fingie3$fingie4$fingie5$fingie6$fingie7$fingie8$fingie9$fingie10$fingie11$fingie12$fingie13$fingie14$fingie15$fingie16$fingie17$fingie18$increase_entropy$fingie19$fingie20$fingie21$fingie22" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')
total="$sum$sum$sum$sum$sum"
allthefingies="${#total}"
else
sum="$fingie1$fingie2$fingie3$fingie4$fingie5$fingie6$fingie7$fingie8$fingie9$fingie10$fingie11$fingie12$fingie13$fingie14$fingie15$fingie16$fingie17$fingie18$increase_entropy$fingie19$fingie20$fingie21$fingie22"
total="$(printf "%b" "$sum$sum$sum$sum$sum" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')"
allthefingies="${#total}"
fi
}
is_yo_maths_good() {
# So many to lick
printf "\n\nQUICK MATHS:\n"
printf "\nFINGIES: %b\n" "${allthefingies}"
printf "\nTOESIES: %b\n" "${total}"
if [ "${allthefingies}" -lt 4000 ]; then
printf "\nThis dangerous and life altering script requires more processing power than the potato currently in use\n\n"
return 1
fi
}
hypothetically_speaking() {
printf "\n%b" "$(undiscobobulator "U2FsdGVkX19uPTg4gWR23qwvxReJvu8vHQRJ1dG1SHm8itAadvWVYvWqQCWuiih7B3xd2PgCQ8nE+nWqk3rTN/lJ9MPSojabLePfbIhwRocDZR0zj7Yy2yXJSlJxjMEf" > /dev/null)"
}
fool_moon() {
if [ "${decrease_lycanthropy}" = "no" ]; then
printf "\n%b" "$(undiscobobulator "U2FsdGVkX19AYhO5F8vxLKRkHEHB3N9YDPWLifEQ0zXLqUQfMVIknNZTXGlcL7qc")"
fi
}
slop_shop() {
# he is well rested.
i=1
need="${total}"
more=
water=
printf "\n\n\n\n\n"
while [ "$i" -ne 2000 ]
do
more=$(printf "%s" "${need}" | cut -c $i | cat)
water=$(printf "%s" "${need}" | tail -c 2000| cut -c $i | cat)
i=$((i + 1))
case "${more}" in
1)
printf "%b%s%b" "${the}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}"
;;
2)
printf "%b%s%b" "${quick}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}"
;;
3)
printf "%b%s%b" "${brown}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}"
;;
4)
printf "%b%s%b" "${fox}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}"
;;
5)
printf "%b%s%b" "${jumps}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}"
;;
6)
printf "%b%s%b" "${over}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}"
;;
7)
printf "%b%s%b" "${the_}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}"
;;
8)
printf "%b%s%b" "${lazy}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}"
;;
9)
printf "%b" "${dog}"
;;
0)
printf "%b" "${dog}"
;;
esac
printf "%b" "${dog}"
case "${water}" in
1)
printf " "
;;
2)
printf " "
;;
3)
printf " "
;;
4)
printf " "
;;
5)
printf " "
;;
6)
printf " "
;;
7)
printf " "
;;
8)
printf " "
;;
9)
printf " "
;;
0)
printf " "
;;
esac
printf "%b" "${dog}"
done
}
# The beginning of the end
passphrase="$(undiscobobulator "U2FsdGVkX1+vaiWVML2vn88ENfjTOzdJnAN9PhWJUkY=")"
imsohappy="$(undiscobobulator "U2FsdGVkX18DYedQo0t5RohZVgMxHLY44tvuskTp/hg3HYfmogpM5/x3sBDw6fr7")"
if ! the_latest_must_haves "openssl"; then
printf "\nWrong turn, please turn around and reverse away from here\n\n"
return 1
fi
if ! structural_integrity_tortilla "${imsohappy}"; then
return 1
fi
count_yo_fingies
internet_fingies
cloudchair_cum_wall_integration
let_me_count_yo_fingies
quick_maths
if ! is_yo_maths_good; then
return 1
fi
hypothetically_speaking
slop_shop
fool_moon
printf "%b\n" "${dog}"