this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2025
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Programmer Humor

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[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 224 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Log in with caution

Carefully... CAREFULLY!

[–] somerandomperson@lemmy.dbzer0.com 41 points 1 month ago (1 children)

clicks the Delete My Account Instead button

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] lemmyknow@lemmy.today 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

More like, "are you sure?"

Are you really sure?

Okay, but, like, are you for real sure?

Sure, just… confirm your password

Confirmation code sent to your phone

Now, log out and back in, to be sure

You sure, right? Didn't change your mind?

Okay, confirm link sent to email

Okay, but, like, take a look at what you'll be missing. Are you really sure?

Oi, I'll let you in on a secret: we got a very special deal, just for you. How about that? Sounds good, innit? How about we stop this silly thing and get back inside, so you can enjoy this sweet, sweet deal?

Aight, get it. You hate good deals, and don't care missing out on what we have to offer. Please call us at 0118**************** and explain thoroughly why exactly you're leaving. Btw, can we get that written as well? Just, y'know, a little dissertation on the matter. Just mail it over to our headquarters

Aight, just so you know, we'll have to charge a little account deletion fee. Standard procedure, here.

Hate to see you go :(

We'll miss you tons. Come back anytime!

*marks account inactive*

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I cahn't believe you've done this.

[–] TomMasz@piefed.social 102 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I knew that potato would come in handy!

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 45 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My 2fa tater rotted, how do I log in?

[–] TomMasz@piefed.social 23 points 1 month ago

Use a PDF of the Wikipedia article on potatoes.

[–] lazycouchpotato@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] dumnezero@piefed.social 80 points 1 month ago (4 children)

We're going to return to user + password in the near future.

[–] TeddE@lemmy.world 109 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Please drink verification can to continue

[–] Gork@sopuli.xyz 41 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

The code is at the bottom of the can and can only be seen be shining a flashlight down it. This completes Step 1 of the verification.

Oh and it changes your pee color so it can reveal the ~~passkey~~ pisskey verification QR code on the urinal in front of you to complete Step 2 of the verification.

[–] MML@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 month ago

It costs the company millions a year but at least no poor person gets anything for free.

[–] Cevilia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 month ago

That pings your phone, you confirm that, which dispatches a dermatologist to your location to confirm your identity via birthmark. She hands you the frequency of a unique Chilean numbers station, you tune in to that and it reads off the one-time passcode you can use to login.

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 1 month ago

Passkeys, more likely.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

i never stopped

[–] danc4498@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Log in with the honor system.

[–] squirrel@discuss.tchncs.de 76 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 68 points 1 month ago (2 children)

My mom says its okay to login

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago

Half the people in here have logged in with your mom.

[–] Auth@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Sorry time=10pm and day=schoolnight so response was 'no'

[–] wetbeardhairs@lemmy.dbzer0.com 48 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Honestly I thought it was great when OAuth started making it easy to use my various pre-existing IDs as logins for websites. But now I cant remember which one is which and my password manager doesn't give me any hints. Sigh.

[–] ramble81@lemmy.zip 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Honestly that’s why I just stick with local site auth and a password manager. 1) it lets me remember things via my manager and 2) if it’s compromised, they’ll only have access to that site and not other ones I’ve used to log in with.

[–] wetbeardhairs@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 month ago

I generally do too. But then you're also at the mercy of whether the site was designed with even the most basic of security in mind. Luckily the password managers all generate unique passwords so one site getting hacked and plaintext passwords stolen won't get my bank info put at risk - but still.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 37 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] somerandomperson@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why can't i see your password?

[–] Natanael 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I can see it, it's *******

[–] Psythik@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
haha, does that look funny to you?

[–] Natanael 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

i put on my robe and wizard hat

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 30 points 1 month ago

One more reason for me to make an OnlyFans

[–] Zink@programming.dev 28 points 1 month ago

It's not the funniest one, I don't have an account, and I don't live near one. But if I ever see the option to log in with Jollibee on any legit service I am already using I am switching over to that ASAP.

[–] rem26_art@fedia.io 21 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Surely, potato won't sell my data, right?

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[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 18 points 1 month ago

Always pick login with calculator, and spoof someone else's id.

Login with your mom 👩‍🦳

[–] MagnyusG@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago (3 children)
[–] the_artic_one@programming.dev 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)

What's more american than ordering a tray of spaghetti from a fried chicken restaurant?

[–] AtariDump@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

With cheese and hotdogs.

It’s actually quite good.

And the mango pies! Oh are they delicious.

Great, now I want Jolibee.

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[–] dreadbeef@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 month ago

i live nowhere near a jollibee 😭

[–] Jerkface@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] ilinamorato@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago

Login with a solemn promise

[–] M137@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

Form 137, nice.

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 10 points 1 month ago
[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 8 points 1 month ago

Ugh. Moooooooooooooom. I need you to login again

[–] uservoid1@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Bestest quality

[–] sip@programming.dev 6 points 1 month ago

totally possible, given you can digitally sign PDFs.

[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

I'll take the XL Pancit Canton, please.

I'm logging in with a potato!

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