I don't see what's Oniony or even unexpected about this. He'll join the ranks of e.g. Huey Long.
this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2025
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Hey, Huey did shit still. This guy wasn't even useful enough to be truly corrupt.
so where's the new shitter? in DC? road trip
How is this not the Onion
THE NATION OWES ETERNAL DEBT TO THIS HERO OF THE REPUBLIC, THIS GUARDIAN OF THE FLAG, THIS MARTYR OF THE UNION, THIS SAINT OF THE CONSTITUTION WHO CARRIED THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ON HIS BLUE RED WHITE STRIPED SHOULDERS, WHOSE FACE SHALL BE ENGRAVED ON THE MOUNTAINS AND WHOSE NAME BE SUNG BY ANGELS AS HE ASCENDS THE HEAVENLY THRONE TO BE EMBRACED BY THE ONE TRUE LORD JESUS CHRIST, HIS SACRIFICE WRITTEN WITH ASTRAL FIRE AND FOREVER ECHOED THROUGH THE CHAMBERS OF POWER AND ANNALS OF HISTORY AND RETOLD BY THE LIPS OF PATRIOTS FOR MILLENNIA!
...because I was being completely serious, of course.
Hey, being a conservative Christian on here is my job!
You sly dog