this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 40 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Community Note: This is actually bad advice that will get you stabbed

You're right, and I find it hilarious that this needs to be noted.

[–] Malfeasant@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

Can confirm, was stabbed.

[–] spiffynova@lemmy.world 278 points 3 days ago (19 children)

We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 115 points 3 days ago (3 children)

"Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 74 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

[–] lime@feddit.nu 65 points 3 days ago (5 children)

no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

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[–] Spezi@feddit.org 38 points 3 days ago (8 children)
[–] hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 3 days ago (1 children)

That's kind of an insane gift for a first date given how expensive cheese is.

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 days ago

I mean, if he makes it himself or knows the people who do, he probably gets it a lot cheaper than at the store.

[–] DharmaCurious@startrek.website 14 points 3 days ago

Would marry that farmer. No questions asked, no long engagement. Straight to the court house, we're getting hitched.

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[–] Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 27 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.

[–] JackFrostNCola@aussie.zone 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Wait, all opiods? If so does that man that heroin addicts could have a few slices of cheese and use less smack? Gotta have the healthier option, ya know

[–] Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 1 points 23 hours ago

A heroin addict is taking way more opioids than he would make endogenously from eating a piece of cheese. Cheese contains tryptophan, an amino acid that is a precursor to serotonin, a neurotransmitter associated with mood regulation. It also contains tyrosine, which is a precursor to dopamine, another neurotransmitter involved in pleasure and reward. Additionally, cheese is high in fat, which can stimulate the release of endorphins, hormones that have mood-boosting effects. Cheese contains many ingredients that activates at least 3 signaling pathways involved in boosting mood.

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[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 86 points 3 days ago (2 children)

In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.

[–] LemmyThinkAboutIt@lemmy.zip 30 points 3 days ago (1 children)

And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.

[–] Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

... not forgetting to add a term of endearement, such as "sweetie", "honey" or "babe".

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[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy im arguing with points that out.

[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 70 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman sexually
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman financially
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman bureaucratically
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman maliciously
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman abstractly
[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 3 days ago (4 children)

bureaucratically

Please complete forn 69-J (in triplicate) if you'd like to grab dinner.

Sex has to be announced 2 weeks prior using the relevant form.

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[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 14 points 3 days ago (9 children)

Oh. Can I see the abstractly list?

Sounds fun

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[–] kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 197 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.

[–] Klear@quokk.au 59 points 3 days ago (2 children)

That sounds like Strong Bad's alter ego.

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[–] CoryCoolguy@lemmy.myserv.one 30 points 3 days ago

No relation.

[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

We all love some good ol' mansplainimg.

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I have a sudden urge to vacuum, and without ovaries! 😍

[–] SoloCritical@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

Vacuuming? Are you ovulating or something?

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[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 35 points 3 days ago (1 children)

This is like when you teach someone that a swear is a greeting in a foreign language

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 12 points 2 days ago

🖕 peace among worlds!

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 61 points 3 days ago

That doesn't sound right but I don't know anything about women to dispute it.

[–] dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.sdf.org 40 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.

[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 23 points 3 days ago

once with a women. Trust me.

Stop bragging

[–] itslola@lemmy.world 28 points 3 days ago (7 children)

TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅

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[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 55 points 3 days ago (10 children)
[–] wander1236@sh.itjust.works 49 points 3 days ago

There's no way that last sentence especially isn't satire

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[–] ileftreddit@piefed.social 47 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Lol who wrote this, Ben Shapiro?

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[–] LookBehindYouNowAndThen@lemmy.world 45 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?

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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 21 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.

[–] entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 25 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Etterra@discuss.online 20 points 3 days ago

We live in a post irony world and I literally can't tell the difference without knowing the source.

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[–] CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 35 points 3 days ago (2 children)

The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 38 points 3 days ago (6 children)

What's sad about learning something new and getting laid?

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 28 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.

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[–] Geodad@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I do all the vacuuming here.

Considering neither me nor the wifey are fertile, I think this is easily debunked and closed, then label as "incel drivel" and thrown into the fire.

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[–] ValiantDust@feddit.org 30 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Yes, please do that. So we are immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.

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