For starters don't call yourself Stinky.
this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2025
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No Stupid Questions
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To be fair....we don't know they aren't
Too late! Its locked in
Lookup internal family systems (a good book would be "No Bad Parts"). It's like you have parts of yourself arguing and putting other parts down. It's all parts of you trying to protect you but they maybe don't recognize the roles each part has. Try to find out what your anger is trying to say, sometimes when the part is heard it is more manageable. The point isn't to make the anger go away but see if it can let other parts help in whatever need it is trying to accomplish.
I'm interested, who is the author? I found several books by the name
Full title:
No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model Book by Richard C. Schwartz
awesome, I'll start there. thanks for the suggestion
Came here to suggest this. I've been doing IFS stuff with my therapist and it's probably the most helpful therapy I've ever done.
Do you think it might be simpler for them to look for the trailheads as an easier introduction to IFS?
Trailheads honestly seem to me to be the simplest path to getting into IFS and its such a practical, simple practice...
Thats what almost immediatey clicked for me, very commonsense but also not necessarily immediately intuitive if you were trying to work it out from scratch
I heard somewhere that learning to write with your non-dominant hand helps with self-control and anger management.
Are you able to recognize what you've done right and well?
I think so? although I could write these things down.. I'm pretty bad at taking inventory
Stinky's Inventory
Lets start now and you can come back to it however long that takes.
This can be you inventory, one thing at a time
I'm proud of the relationship I have with my son. After many difficult years we've reached a place of mutual respect and we're both comfortable (and knowledgeable) about each other's boundaries.
..I'm gonna grab my journal
thank you <3
Im beyond glad to hear that about boundaries and having that breakthru for both of you in coming to understand that. Its a very rare thing honestly, its like the holy grail of mental health and overall wellness in my very humble findings. It wont necessarily make you well or whole but it will prevent others from taking you down any further and will ensure you have an upward trend focus going forward
Keep going whenever you like by replying above this level so you can make a list for yourself to peruse whenever you need a boost for yourself and others can jump in if they have something helpful to supplement that
Aside, lots of people end up with little or zero eventual relationship with their children because they dont realize how kids grow up and start having a choice and being able to curate their associations to the ones that allow them to feel safe and valued. Sounds like youre way ahead of the game on that one.
Edit: if your child grows up believing they can talk to you about any problem they're having without fear of making it worse and actually possibky helping them work thru shit, and they see that you understand when they say they need you or you need them to change behavior and it works out well for everyone in the shared history, you guys will be just fine.
Thanks for the insight, and gentle instructions, you seem like good people
I may @ you in some of my posts, but please don't feel obligated to reply, it's mostly just for visibility, although I would appreciate any feedback when your schedule permits
Thanks again, be safe and happy
Happy to be a positive influence :) keep adding to your inventory list here, might be helpful to others as well as yourself
I reached 1 year at my job. I got a great review from my manager, and have been working hard to be helpful and kind to my teammates. I'm proud of myself. The money's not bad either
My aunt is getting older, and although she's been a caretaker her whole life she's now in a position of beneficiary rather than benefactor. It's been hard for her. She's often frustrated or antagonistic. She rents a room from me and sometimes uses her access to be invasive, such as reading through others' mail or trash contents.
In my childhood I would have fought her. My first thought is "How dare you" but with a little work I understand where her behavior comes from: she's trying to get some power back. It's painful for her to be powerless in old age.
Forgiving her and giving her the same grace I give others has been a challenge. I'm glad I have this now
This summer I took good care of my body. Minimized the drinking and eating and got down to my goal weight. I'm going to start lifting again and put on some muscle. My son even complimented my appearance!
Is there any way you can get your son involved so you can also pass that down to him and give him that extra head start on valuing working out and taking care of himself like you're modelling for him currently?
Yes, he just moved back in with me. Willingly! We've got a lot of time together now
Assuming you don't have access to therapy, but I do think that's your best bet.
It might help when speaking to yourself to talk to yourself as if you were either a close friend or your as a child. Would you say any of those things to your best friend if they were upset? Probably not, so just train yourself not to speak to yourself that way.
If you think you have an actual anger problem then maybe finding a good outlet for anger would help like exercise or art.