this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2025
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Microblog Memes

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[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 17 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

To anyone who feels the need to justify their order to their delivery person: don't.

I guarantee that they'll think about you more if you pull shit like this.

Literally just give them the money, take the pizza, wish them a good night and close the fucking door.

I promise that they don't give any shits what you do with the pizza. Just tip appropriately for your region.

[–] LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone 5 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Will a good tip by their silence?

[–] burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 8 minutes ago

Depends entirely on its.... csi:m glasses on... delivery.

[–] Okokimup@lemmy.world 12 points 9 hours ago

Lady, I don't give a shit about your theatrics, I only judge if you're a lousy tipper.*

*in the US.

[–] QuizzaciousOtter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Am I missing something? Empty house and pizza sounds like a perfect evening to me.

[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 3 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

The delivery guy probably gets to keep the pizza if there is no recipient

[–] QuizzaciousOtter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

So you're saying that the person in the meme did not order the pizza but wants to keep it and tries to accomplish that by pretending there are other people with them? I'm confused, why wouldn't they just take it without saying anything? How would the delivery person know they are not the one who ordered?

[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 3 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (1 children)

I interpreted both messages as said by the pizza guy

1-st one he says that Pizza's here

2-nd one he realises that nobody's there and that he will be able to eat the pizza

And the joke would be that he couldn't afford the pizza with his very low wage so he sheds a tear of joy

What about the "I" in "I shout to the the empty house"? This would mean that the pizza guy refers to himself in first person in the first line but in the third person in the second line which seems very unusual to me.

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 49 points 15 hours ago (4 children)

while living off post in hampton roads I visited a buddy's apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn't even knock just walked and said "Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?" and set out the pizzas and breadsticks on the table, grabbed a slice, then sat down on the couch while ben packed a bong hit for him.

I was like, whoa, uh... and ben was like: "Yeah, he's also my dealer."

[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 24 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (2 children)

I once played video games at a friend's place and we were smoking lots of weed. He had told me a friend was going to come over later. So later that day the door bell rings, I can see him opening the door from where I'm sitting. Female cop stands in front of door and I briefly panicked.

"Hi Julia, come in." (to me) "Let's order pizza."

I'll never forget this image of a German cop in uniform smoking a bong.

[–] burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 6 minutes ago

I'm calling bullshit. No way a cop would do that in uniform. You're lying to deny us the pleasure of the full story where the uniform came off. We see through your german tricks.

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago
[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 8 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

I mean… pizza guy can have friends too, he's human!

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 4 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

valid. but I never expected a pizza guy to just walk into someone else's apartment and start laying out the food lol

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 hours ago

Oh absolutely. Seems really chill tho

[–] TheRealKuni@piefed.social 12 points 11 hours ago

That’s a smart way to do weed delivery if you can get away with it and have orders packed before you leave the house.

[–] lemmyknow@lemmy.today 12 points 14 hours ago

Pizza ~~delivery guy~~ dealer

[–] MrSmith@lemmy.world 7 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Is it because she's scared of the delivey guy or because she's embarrassed to eat the pizza alone?

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 15 points 10 hours ago
[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 7 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

-cheesy crust on the third ? -oh, that is a resounding yes

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 7 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

My boy Andy over here is saying you have something called chicken poppers?

[–] rothaine@lemmy.zip 2 points 6 hours ago

Something perhaps subtle about that sketch: he orders pineapple on all three pies. There is no way you have a party wherein every guest is okay with pineapple on pizza. So the pizza guy probably could've figured it out from that!

[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 58 points 18 hours ago (3 children)

The mistake there is not recording a multi-layered clip of yourself responding in different voices. Time out a delay at the start so you can hit play, start walking, make the announcement and get the "reply" as you open the door.

It's the little details to sell the delusion that puts a spark of genuine fear into the drivers' eyes.

[–] rothaine@lemmy.zip 4 points 6 hours ago

Kevin McCallister likes the way you think

[–] Matty_r@programming.dev 15 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

You could definitely automate this with voice commands in Home Assistant

[–] lemmyknow@lemmy.today 8 points 14 hours ago

Playing "totally_real_friends4pizza_delivery.mp3":

[–] LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone 11 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Ideally you wanna hire actors for that.

[–] Crazyslinkz@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

This guy with hiring money...

[–] lolrightythen@lemmy.world 12 points 14 hours ago

I just woke up and am slow and bleary-eyed.

I could have sworn the second sentence said a bear ran down with the delivery man's face - because he knew.

And I was a tad shocked.

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 8 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

whilst living in the woods I visited my moon friend's apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn't even knock just climbed the tree, vaulted through the window hole and said "Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?" and set out pizzas and grenades on the table, pulled a pin, and then sat down with us under the leaf blanket while ben cleaned his rifle and sucked him off.

I was like, woah, uh... and ben was like: "Yeah, he's also my dad"

I'm suspicious of this... but I'm not sure why.

[–] Noite_Etion@lemmy.world 30 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

Whenever I delivered a pizza to an empty house or to someone who didn't order a pizza it was great, cause I got to have it. Was one of the few perks of that job.

[–] Rothe@piefed.social 18 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

That is not what the OP is about though.

[–] iveseenthat@reddthat.com 2 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Could you explain to me what OP intended to say, please?

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 2 points 39 minutes ago

OP is shouting, "pizza is ready!" in their own place of living, despite nobody else being there, to give the illusion of having friends/ company to the pizza person and not appear to be ordering pizza entirely for themselves.

[–] LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone 5 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

How often did that happen?

[–] ook@discuss.tchncs.de 13 points 17 hours ago

As many times as they fake called their pizza joint.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 12 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

1 pizza alone is only a little sad.

20 pizzas while alone is when you've really hit rock bottom.

[–] Gloomy@mander.xyz 12 points 14 hours ago

What exactly is sad about ordering a pizza whilst being alone? Never struck me as something unusual.

I see the 20 pizza part.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 16 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

It's called meal prepping!

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

It's fine if you buy them as frozen pizzas. Then it's just grocery shopping.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@piefed.world 14 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Here, it's the norm to eat an entire pizza by yourself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–] Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 14 hours ago

Just one pizza? I assumed the op had ordered multiple.

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 18 hours ago (5 children)

I read this in a really dark way

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