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Make it fucking stop (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 days ago by Stamets@lemmy.world to c/whitepeopletwitter@sh.itjust.works

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[–] HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I know it against the spirit of the post but I have to go on a rant here.

"adulting"

I hate that word, its so stupid. It implies self infantilization, when in reality its use is just indicative of one's attitude towards work or getting anything done. And wanting everyone else around them to take care of things.

Every roommate I've had who used that fucking word did not do fucking shit around the house. They were always the victim when some disagreement happened. They sometimes got mad when I asked for their portion of rent. Just absolutely manipulative narcissistic perpetual victims that expected me or other's to do everything for them.

As soon as I save up and move I will be so happy to finally live alone for the first time in my life. Rent will be more expensive and I'll save way less but at least there will be fewer human variables like that to deal with.

[–] mahomz@lemmy.world 3 points 21 hours ago

Rant away, you are speaking for many of us who just fucking try.

[–] TediousLength@lemmy.ca 6 points 20 hours ago

Well... That's poor/broke adulting. When you're born with a golden spoon in your ass, you're whole house (read mansion) is run by what is called the help. You pay people to sort your shit out. Your kids are raised by nannies, and for the weekend you go to your seaside house on a semiprivate island in your private jet.

[–] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 4 points 20 hours ago

Yeah, like at my age, I should have a girlfriend, settle down, and have kids. But that is not my problem. I can barely take care of myself so what if I add more responsibility i didn't ask for lol.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Here's the great thing about TODO lists: I control what's on them. So I know what is completely safe to ignore and what's going to ruin me. In most cases, I have a lot of notice about important things and can plan accordingly.

Honestly, if you can get your finances figured out, most of the important things can be automated.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Honestly, if you can get your finances figured

The difference between "call a plumber, the sink is leaking" and "I'm dedicating my weekend to DIY a pipe repair" is measured in dollars per hour.

My life changed when I move up a tax bracket. Knowing I had the financial flexibility to hire a professional (or afford a maid once a month) when I needed help really changed how stressful day to day chore routine has been.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Sure, but my point is you don't necessarily need to move up a tax bracket to be financially stable, you need to carefully manage your money to maintain an emergency fund so you're not screwed if something goes wrong.

Making more money makes this easier, but it's possible at most income levels.

If you can keep up an efund, you don't need to rely on predatory lenders or pay late fees, which dramatically improves your ability to keep that efund filled. Having access to cash helps make more reasonable decisions, maybe you'll still spend the weekend DIYing a fix, but it'll be a choice.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

you don’t necessarily need to move up a tax bracket to be financially stable, you need to carefully manage your money

Sure. But it's like drinking out of a martini glass. Saying "you can do it without spilling a drop" is true relative to physical balance and personal circumstances. A combination of personal discipline and good fortune means you can get by without any income. But as soon as one or the other slips, you're in trouble.

Making more money makes this easier, but it’s possible at most income levels.

I've lived up and down the income scale, from squeaking by in college to living it up as a well-paid professional. To say it's "easier" is a serious understatement. When you're sitting out in 15° weather for a bus that's an hour late to take you to a job that brings in $10/hr, knowing you can't afford to go grocery shopping tomorrow if it doesn't show, the concept of a budget feels very theoretical.

If you can keep up an efund

Then your income exceeds your expenses. That's as much a benefit of having a higher income, as a consequence of a savvy budget. And a cash savings account comes with its own costs. Short term cash savings means less long term compound investment. It also potentially means deferred capital accumulation. If you can't go to work without a car and you can't fix your car without taking on debt, then you can't afford to carry a positive balance. If you can't afford a dishwasher, you're spending time and energy manually scrubbing dishes when you could be sleeping or working overtime.

On the flip side, if you're running a massive surplus then you can build a passive income through investment. Walk in the door with $1M in your wallet, get a (very conservative under most market conditions) 5% ROI, and you're looking at the median household income with zero days worked.

It's a mug's game to think the economic balancing act is just a question of personal choices. And that's before we get into the feedback loop of poverty - wherein people are effectively trained to think short term by selection bias, as potential longer-term investors get fucked by short term fluctuations in the economy.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 1 points 21 hours ago

That’s as much a benefit of having a higher income, as a consequence of a savvy budget.

Look at the statistics, plenty of people with higher incomes live paycheck to paycheck and don't have an efund. Not having money in the bank is more often a behavioral problem than an income problem.

The real issue imo is that nobody seems to get a proper financial education, and resources vary greatly in quality.

Short term cash savings means less long term compound investment.

Sure, but the compound investment returns will be dwarfed by short term debt interest payments (credit card, personal loans, etc). Far too many people float credit card debt so they don't need to touch investments. That's the problem cash is intended to solve, and you can mitigate that opportunity cost with money market funds and high yield savings asks accounts.

If you can’t go to work without a car and you can’t fix your car without taking on debt, then you can’t afford to carry a positive balance.

Everyone's circumstances are different, but people frequently have more options available to them than they actually consider.

For example:

can they fix the car themselves? If you can identify the problem (most car parts stores offer free OBD2 scans), you can perform most repairs with a jack (comes with most cars), socket set ($50 or so at the hardware store), a screwdriver ($20 or so), and YouTube
is mass transit an option? A bicycle + bus can get almost everywhere, even in my area with terrible transit options. It'll take an extra hour, but it's a lot cheaper than panicking and paying $1k+ for a tow and repair shop
get a ride with a coworker or friend, or even uber until the weekend when you have more time to deal with it
quit the job and apply for something closer - if you can survive 3+ months without income, maybe the car breaking down is the kick you needed to pull the trigger on a decision you've been putting off

Obviously individual circumstances differ. My point is that if you have no cash reserves, your anxiety when literally anything goes wrong can blind you to other options (I know because it has happened to me). If you have the fallback option of just paying out of pocket for a fix, you'll probably also be able to take a step back and consider other options.

I've had a cash reserve since I worked my way through college. Sometimes rebuilding that cash reserve sucked and meant I had to eat really cheaply and not go out with friends. I made just over minimum wage (about $9-10/hr) while attending college full time and renting an apartment (shared a bedroom because I couldn't afford my own room). I know how hard that it because I did it. I remember push starting my manual transmission car for weeks because I didn't have the time or money to replace the starter.

I learned to repair my own car, and I've been doing my own maintenance since, even though I can now afford to take it to a shop, though I do refuse the more dangerous jobs (e.g. anything with high voltage or in the steering system). I also rode my bike + bus for a few years to save money and improve my fitness (10 mile ride, so not super close, and I was the only one doing it).

I'm not saying everyone should fix their own cars or ride the bus and bike, I'm saying that not having a cash buffer can lead to desperate decisions. Do what you can to create a surplus each month, even if it's just a few dollars, and save that for a rainy day.

massive surplus

Yes, a higher income or asset balance makes things easier, but not having that doesn't make it impossible, just harder.

feedback loop of poverty - wherein people are effectively trained to think short term by selection bias

Poverty is a completely different beast with its own set of causes and possible solutions. I'm not saying everyone can just "pick themselves up by their bootstraps," I'm saying most people can do better and create a cash cushion.

But yes, family and community culture is a huge part of the problem and reduces the chances for people to better educate on managing finances themselves and break that cycle.

[–] KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 day ago

I'm in my 50s and I'm about to throw in the towel on this thing called life. I'm never going to retire. My entire life seems to be putting out fires from the week before. The world in general just seems to be getting worse.

I no longer see the point like I did when I was a young romantic.

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 1 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

Thats why procrastination is such a big thing

[–] Everyday0764@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

https://developers.cloudflare.com/cache/reference/csam-scanning/

ehm why was the photo flagged as csam by cloudflare??

i'm from Italy, is this an eu thing?

edit: ok if i open the post from lemmy.world the image is there, so maybe is a lemmy.zip thing?

[–] Nelots@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I think its a .zip thing. Unlike you I can see this particular post for some reason, but most images are currently blocked with the same error for me. Even thumbnails of news articles are blocked, not just images uploaded directly to Lemmy.

[–] diptchip@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Nobody on their death bed ever wishes they'd spent more time working.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That Titan Sub guy probably had a millisecond of "Oops, probably should have revisited hull integrity one more time" regret.

[–] pyre@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

i don't think they did since they'd probably pay more attention to it in the first place if they even did so much research as playing Subnautica for a couple hours

[–] AFKBRBChocolate@lemmy.ca 47 points 2 days ago (6 children)

I've had a weird arc. A number of months after I graduated college and started working, it finally sunk in that there wasn't always something I needed to be studying or working on, as had been the case for like my whole academic career. I had a job that I wasn't allowed to do outside the plant, so when I went out the gates I was done. Over the years I got promoted to positions of more and more responsibility and, even though I tried hard to keep work and home separate, at some point it was unavoidable and there was always something I needed to be doing, always emails I should be answering.

Then, after 40 years, I retired earlier this year. I had a lot to go through with selling a house and stuff, but it's just starting to get to the point where I don't have something I need to be doing, as had happened 40 years ago.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 19 points 1 day ago

I think that's a pretty normal arc. You work your butt off to get through school, then when you start working, and you have limited responsibilities, you don't really ever work outside of work. As you become more senior, you will have more to do than can be done in the ~8 hours during the day, M-F and you start feeling like you need to work while you're at home or whatever.

Then when you retire, every thing falls away.

I probably won't get to retire, so, I'll never get there. I'm glad you get to experience that again.

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[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I have to say, there is an established solution to this problem: having a functional and comminicative extended family/social network. Car trouble? Your uncle and cousin can help you fix it tomorrow. Paying rent/mortgage? Not when you live in the big family home with 3 other generations of people that's been paid off for the last 50 years. Cooking dinner? Grandma and aunt Bethel do it every night with help from the kids. Doing your taxes? Family friend Joe is an accountant and is glad to answer a few simple questions for you.

Unfortunately, most peoples' families are annoying as fuck.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

Unfortunately, most peoples’ families are annoying as fuck.

People are generally annoying. The trick is to remember that you are also people, and to handle the eccentricities of others with grace.

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 2 points 1 day ago

Mormons, eh?

[–] k0e3@lemmy.ca 20 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Of course, this is different from person to person, but for me, a lot of anxiety comes from me putting it off. I found that taking care of the shit as soon as possible gives me the time to truly chill until the next wave of shit comes.

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[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 64 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Joke's on them. Ignoring it is the easy part. Guilt doesn't help. Meds do.

Meanwhile, constant anxiety kills you young. Imagine being so obsessed with being useful that you don't live long enough to pull it off.

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[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago (2 children)

A 20 year old that I worked with asked me what I did over my weekend. My response was basically a list of chores and errands.

She responded, "Nice, you were adulting hard."

I responded, "Unfortunately, I'm just an adult."

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 2 points 1 day ago

"I need an adult."
"You ARE an adult."
*proceed to get kicked in the nads*

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[–] BradleyUffner@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Part of being an adult is knowing what you can ignore for a while and what you can't. So I don't really see a problem there.

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[–] scytale@piefed.zip 15 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Especially when you own a house. It never ends.

[–] untorquer@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I've had the opposite experience lol. Don't have to call the landlord several times to repair the same broken dishwasher that's been repaired 4 times before. I can just grab a free one from classifieds and install myself.

As long as the roof, foundation, and plumbing are good I'm not required to do shit.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)

As long as the roof, foundation, and plumbing are good

The bane of my existence. Water was not meant to move through a wooden house. God has punished me repeatedly for my hubris.

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (3 children)

Ah the sweet musty smell of cavity mould and rot in the morning, paired with a hint of chimney backflow.

Really hits the spot. Love sleeping with the windows open on cold nights just to stop myself from suffocating.

On the plus side, Ive made lots of friends with the neighbours with similar problems, all who recommend me their "bathroom guy" or "chimney wizard"

[–] mellow@lemmy.wtf 3 points 20 hours ago

😅

[–] untorquer@lemmy.world 4 points 22 hours ago

I had to dig a small trench on the uphill side because water was flooding in the crawl space. The bedroom subfloor beams had rotted. Dry down there now. More worried about ventilation/radon.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 points 20 hours ago

chimney wizard

This is just Santa

[–] untorquer@lemmy.world 3 points 22 hours ago

Haha! Yeah, dry well solves that problem XD. I'll get a new one drilled eventually but for now topping off my tank every few weeks is cheap and easy. Just can't have long showers 😅

If you can get away with it PEX with commission fittings has been a wonderful experience.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

At least you are empowered to make long term steps to make it better.

Source:missed out on buying a house 2 years ago, still devastated.

[–] mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

I dunno. A lot of times my house (first one) feels like a gigantic golden shackle. I can't easily move, I can't easily leave the country, I can't easily get jobs elsewhere, I have much more expensive obligations. The fact that I have a loan and not a lease means I can be massively in debt. There are random unexpected costs which makes it hard to budget, some of which are huge. It gives you more space, which you inevitably fill with useless garbage that just ties you down even more.

Home ownership is kinda overrated. I have wished for years now that I was back in an apartment. Am debating selling this, but it sucks that it would be such a financial loss (another thing you don't have to worry about with apartments. If my home value goes down by 100k, im basically trapped there for life).

I think having a house is worth it if you are really sure you want to "lock in" the current settings of your life for the next 5 years, minimum. You gain a lot of freedoms with what you do with the property, but you lose a lot of freedoms everywhere else.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 2 points 18 hours ago

You make some good points, but I got all my nomadism out of my system and I'm finally in a place where I want to settle down, and also, I need to settle down because of the kid and everything. I'm also tired of having lived in like 20 houses in multiple continents.

[–] null@lemmy.nullspace.lol 33 points 2 days ago (4 children)

The neat part is that "chilling" is one of the things you need to put on that to-do list and make time for too!

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[–] Drusas@fedia.io 21 points 1 day ago

At one point, I was in a couples' therapy session and I had recently been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. I realized (and said) in that session that I would never have a break again. Vacation from work? Still have cystic fibrosis to deal with.

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