this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 10 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

Envious men please remember vaginas do have an ending. Don't trust hentai, your penis will NOT came out of our mouths

[–] nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca 6 points 4 hours ago

Next you're going to tell me that piss doesn't come from the balls? Please.

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago

The cervix is just a door if you knock hard enough.

[–] IndustryStandard@lemmy.world 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] elbarto777@lemmy.world 5 points 5 hours ago

Leave this behind at reddit, please.

[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 1 points 5 hours ago

WTS Dubs has entered the chat.

[–] BussyGyatt@feddit.org 8 points 10 hours ago

is there a way to block all posts with links to a specific site?

[–] TheEighthDoctor@lemmy.zip 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Imagine shitting in a public toilet with such dick, it's either out on the floor or in the toilet water.

[–] glnpf148@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

You could hang it over your shoulder

[–] Wispy2891@lemmy.world 39 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (1 children)

Unrelated but this newspaper says:

Join our WhatsApp! Our community members are treated to special offers, promotions and adverts from us and our partners

There's people that are actually saying "hell yes! Send me ads on WhatsApp, here's my phone number!" ???

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 14 hours ago

The world's full of 'em, and many others, yep.

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 149 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (5 children)

Matt said: “It was a very embarrassing accident. One of the issues with being so large, especially in hot water showers, is that it’s not exactly easy to see my feet.

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too. As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

Right, because a fifteen-inch penis is totally going to obstruct your view of both feet and everything else below your waistline, and your dick is totally the reason you clumsily slipped. And you totally aren't looking for every possible excuse to turn any event of your life into another opportunity to brag about your massive, record-breaking schlong.

🙄

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 16 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

He just likes to brag & isn't evolved enough to have a detachable penis.

[–] ImADifferentBird@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 15 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 3 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Anyone can acquire an enormous penis & just have it on display somewhere to soothe your day.

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 7 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

What a blast from the past!

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

I don't even have to clock the link, and King Missile is now playing the hits in my head. 🤘🏼

edit: leaving it, as-is

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 30 points 1 day ago (6 children)
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[–] celeste@kbin.earth 76 points 1 day ago (2 children)

this guy gets a burn cooking and he's like "must've been because of my enormous penis" trips on the stairs "dick got caught in the spindles it's so big" gets sleep apnea "my giant schlong wraps itself around my throat when I'm sleeping"

[–] Bunbury@feddit.nl 6 points 12 hours ago

I mean, to be fair… it must be pretty annoying. Chances are he’s not compatible size wise with 99.99% of women. Probably even jerking off is a massive workout. Probably gets lightheaded each time it fills with blood. Seriously… when you’re this far out of the normal range I recon attention is the main positive thing that comes out of the situation (at least for people who like attention). Everything else just seems needlessly difficult.

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[–] JackLSauce@lemmy.world 38 points 1 day ago (14 children)

...independently measured at [37cm], and a cast of it has been included in a museum in Iceland.

I have questions for Iceland; mostly about how to pronounce ð but we'll get to that later

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 4 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Is that flacid or erect length?

Edit: its erect length. When flacid, it was 25cm long

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 2 points 13 hours ago

It's pronounced like the "th" in "weather."

[–] fossilesque@mander.xyz 5 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

The fucked up pronunciation in Icelandic comes from when you put to Ls together, e.g. Eyjafjallajökull. It makes an almost click sound. You can hear it on the wiki below.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eyjafjallaj%C3%B6kull

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 1 points 13 hours ago

Like a T, but slide your tongue forward a little so it's against your teeth

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[–] JamesNZ@lemmy.world 76 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Summary of the article. " By the way I have a massive cock, it is just huge, biggest in the world. Did I say about my massive unit? It is really big...oh I slipped in the shower and broke my arm,...but let's get back to the massive third leg I have going on. ,,"

[–] wetsoggybread@lemmy.world 8 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

"Oops, I dropped my magnum condom for my magnum dong"

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

FWIW, that brand was specifically designed and marketed for average dicks to feel bigger. It's their whole thing.

[–] Cethin@lemmy.zip 1 points 5 hours ago

It's a product within a brand, but it actually is larger. You can look up the dimensions if you want.

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago
[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 29 points 1 day ago (9 children)

Ok that is the most ridiculous explanation I have ever heard. Do you have to see your feet to know where they are? And how do large busted or pregnant women manage then?

Oof it must suck to be hung that big though. No balls deep in anyone, ever, and careful sex only.

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[–] AmidFuror@fedia.io 48 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Funny story, but the size of my penis is why my balls always get wet when I pee.

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[–] AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works 43 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I was careless, didn't look where I stepped, it was totally because of my dick. Let me tell you more about it...

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[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Wow poor guy is probably going to get a lot of sympathy cards. Must be awful.

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 16 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

I can all but guarantee most women run away at the sight of it.

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 14 hours ago

And the ones that don't, he's running from.

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