Yeah nothing like being ignored because you didn't give the desired platitudes. I'm never sure if I'm doing a shit job explaining or if they are shit at listening and it makes existence very depressing
this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2025
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Shit if I had learned earlier in my career they needed platitudes I would have whipped some up. To me they always felt embarrassing to both parties, like there's NO WAY they can't know you're buttering them up.
I’m never sure if I’m doing a shit job explaining or
FUCK I feel that on a visceral level. My career started as helpdesk it took a major toll on my well-being
Thanks for replying, you are the first person on lemmy in like 3 days that just didn't immediately tear into me for some irrelevant fucking thing.
Glad to know I'm not alone in this struggle.
To me they always felt embarrassing to both parties, like there's NO WAY they can't know you're buttering them up.
What took me far too long to realize is that most NTs want to be buttered up.
When people do it to me and I know I don't deserve it it makes me feel sick to my stomach, especially if I realize they're doing it to manipulate me into something. And when I do it to others who don't deserve it I KNOW there is no way they can't detect the lack of sincerity in my voice. I mean there CAN"T be! Otherwise everyone would just lie all the time with no consequences.
And I KNOW there are conseuqences for lying so this can't be how the world really works BUT DAMN does it look it
Is that just how NTs work? Bullshitting people and playing on pride to get what you want?
Is that why I've gotten fucking nowhere in life?!
I fucking hate nts so much so fucking much
Living up to your username today I see. I get it. Everyone needs to rant to an understanding party sometimes.
I find it helps to separate intentionally harmful lies from the "social niceties" that are required to grease the wheels of conversation in my head. I'm falsely representing what's happening yes, but it's part of the social rituals required to function in society so I do it anyways.
I've also found it's helpful to focus on the more truthful side of whatever is happening. "I love how much work you put into this" instead of "wow you did such a great job on this" type of difference. Gotta be careful because it can come across as sarcastic, but I usually manage to show sincerity better when I'm actually feeling sincere, so the outright false stuff comes across as sarcastic anyways. Might as well try for a more sincere
And, yeah, at the end of the day, people like hearing good things said about themselves, even if it's not actually true. There's narcissism in that, but given that I can't change that behavior I might as well work with or around it as best I can. If that means more frequent but less sincere compliments, well, I like making a habit of finding the good in people anyways.
Living up to your username today I see.
I am so fucking done with you unoriginal assholes, try for once to have an original thought
I uh, wasn't trying to be an asshole. I'm sorry it didn't work that way.
One way the power manifests on digital forums (and also, schools):
Autistic user posts, narcissist aggression begins
Autistic user reports aggression, nothing is done, aggression intensifies
Autistic user, at the end of their rope, responds in kind to aggression, is immediately targeted as 'the problem', gets censured banned or suspended
Abuse continues after the fact through PMs or forum posts that of course the autistic user cannot respond to anymore
Repeat till all autistic users are silenced or marginalized
It happened to reddit, it's happening here and I am so fucking tired of the narcissists taking my online spaces
I offer you a (virtual) hug.
This just gets me to stop talking. Offline or online. But then I wonder if that’s the goal.
My tinfoil hat tells me it is, even if not on a conscious level.
Depressingly, narcissism is more socially acceptable than autism (and I suspect narcissists can "play the game" more easily, too). My impression is that this more applicable in western culture with our emphasis on individuality, with the US taking top place with its "American exceptionalism" (to be fair, my own country did export one of the worst - Rupert Murdoch).
The funny thing is narcissists are FAR more dangerous to themselves and others than autists would ever be
But they are praised as the ultimate American, you are very on the nose there.
We forgive you for Rupert Murdoch, one nation alone cannot contain that much evil. It saddens me that there is likely no afterlife for him to suffer punishment in
Side thought: “obviously” narcissists are more socially acceptable, their whole playbook is built around pleasing people. “Obviously” autism is less socially acceptable, they say things directly and clearly, without any sugar coating. That’s not how you gain popularity.
Sorry it sucks…
I've known a few narcissists and they definitely weren't out to please people! They just seem to have a much better grasp of charm and know how to behave in order to get what they want; once they're high enough up the food chain, treating anyone decently is no longer required.
That’s a more precise take: out to please the people that they can exploit
Their superficial charm is always a tool and they can drop it in an eyeblink
That's why there's no trusting a sociopath, no one knows what's behind those dead eyes.
Every hardcore CEO was once a fawning lap dog even if only to their daddy who got them the job
That's why C-suites love bondage and humiliation, it reminds them of their way up
John Travolta learned to love the taste of cum because he loved the taste of success even more
You know I was kinda on your side and then I see all these comments you've made and I think yeah you probably do need to work on your delivery. Even NTs can flop in their delivery of an idea. I mean shit watch Shark Tank, some of those people have pretty good ideas but terrible delivery. If you talk how you do here IRL then yeah I would expect people to think you're rude. Because you are. I'm autistic too and I've had to learn how to talk to people. I still struggle with it tbh. Even if it doesn't make much sense, delivery matters man.