LGBTQ+

I think anything that's let's you hear and think about sex and sexuality would help on exploring without any of the more porny aspects. I love Dan Savage podcast and column which is all about sex and relationships. Hearing about other people sex lives and problem will help you see a variety of different things about relationships structures, sex, kink and sexuality. Some will be interested in learning more others might give you the Ick. All good to know.

In a similar vein would be the standard kink and sex books. Those range from steamy to clinical in their handling. Worth checking books out

Another option is to try and find a local munch or kink club. From what I understand, munches are more social in nature where people talk about sex and kink, not necessarily committing the acts at the munch. Whether or not that counts as "porn" in your eyes is up to you, but I think having the social aspect of talking to other people in real life may help ease you and your spouse into discovering a broader world of sexuality than what your conservative upbringings taught you, and perhaps making the emotional/psychological aspect of your transition easier.

Been on the other side (spouse is ftm). As someone in a similar position who was not really interested in men (but now very much so to my husband), keep in mind that she does not need to be attracted to all women, just you.

My recommendation for an easy place to start, for both of you, is for you to dress up around her. Put on a dress and makeup, or some other feminine outfit (however it is you want to dress, whatever makes you feel pretty). Try to look how you want to. See if she's still attracted to you. When you're both comfortable, take it to the bedroom, and give it a shot. If she's still enjoying it, then that's what's important!

Physical transitions don't happen overnight, and I was able to get used to the changes as they happened. I still see the same person I saw when we first got together, and even though there are some physical differences, he's the same person he's always been.

The hardest part for me was the social aspect, not the attraction. While I could try to give suggestions here, if this is a struggle for you or her, seriously seek a therapist. This isn't something that's easy to overcome, and it will take time.

Good luck!

Does erotic literature count as porn in this situation? If not, she could try reading some steamy lesbian smut and see if it does much for her!

If it does count as porn, then perhaps you could find a therapist who specialises in sex or lgbtq+ issues to talk to together - your experience is by no means unusual, despite being every bit as difficult

Other than that, if you folks have sex, then she's been having sex with a girl for ages and enjoying it, so she's almost certainly not straight ;P

In that vein, perhaps just having sex in a way that really drives home the fact that she's having sex with a girl? Discuss with her and ask her to do things like... Touch you in a more typically feminine way, like really caressing your body, your hips, your breasts, your ass, your thighs. Telling you you're pretty etc when she dirty talks, if she dirty talks. If you don't already wear makeup or lingerie when you have sex, you could do so!

Good luck, this is never an easy time, but you'll find your way the best you can

So just sexuality or kink things too (kink is not inherently sexual)?

Generally speaking though you're going to want to do reading up about things, watching videos (on youtube), listening to podcasts and really thinking about what it is you like, if possible without the gender binary and that whole performance etc.

Try to take yourself back to basics, what you fantasise about, how you like to be touched etc. Really explore ideas and concepts from the base of your psyche without lumping all the societal bullshit on top, if possible. It will take time and it'll probably be a struggle and take effort but it might improve things for you in general, whether or not you decide that you can only be a certain sexuality. I've found for me that exploring things through queer ungendered erotica with heavy emphasis on care, consent and communication can be useful but you did say no porn, so 🤷‍♀️.

Also, talk about things with each other without judgement, that'll help a lot.

Hope this helps!