this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

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-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

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-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

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-Do not Brigade other Communities

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-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 11 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Farting while pissing is awesome.

Brother you've got my upvote

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

why not all 3, pooping farting and pissing.

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 1 points 2 days ago

Just not as satisfying, especially while standing.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Now add rows and columns for:

  • cumming
  • vomiting
  • bleeding
  • menstruating
  • dying
[–] ThunderComplex@lemmy.today 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

No, add these as new dimensions and make it a matrix so we can have pissing while shitting while cumming while dying

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 3 days ago

The hypercube of gross.

[–] Chiarottide@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

And sneezing. Have you ever sneeze-sharted? Worst feeling ever

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 13 hours ago
[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 71 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Shitting while pissing is ok, as long as you're sitting pissing

[–] javiwhite@feddit.uk 36 points 4 days ago (4 children)

I imagine it would take a great deal of both mental and physical fortitude in order to curl one out whilst standing tall.

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 9 points 4 days ago (1 children)
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[–] rustyfish@lemmy.world 57 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Soon or later this will be you:

Now we can all laugh about it. So we can long after. But in that moment? You will learn what pure dread feels like.

[–] GoodMonson@lemmy.zip 2 points 3 days ago

God I hope someone reads your comment, laughs and accidentally shits and lives the very moment you are describing. Just staring at the face they are now making.

[–] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago

Happened on my 30th birthday, after all the festivities. Felt appropriate

[–] Zamboni_Driver@lemmy.ca 37 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I love that someone took time out of their day to carefully plan and prepare this chart.

[–] dgbbad@lemmy.zip 40 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] not_IO@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 4 days ago

pissing while pissing

[–] Fluffy_Ruffs@lemmy.world 28 points 4 days ago (2 children)

According to this, always be shitting and you'll never have a bad time.

[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 9 points 4 days ago (7 children)

A-B-S. A-always, B-be, S-shitting. Always be shitting! Always be shitting!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are because it's shit or walk. You shit or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the turtlehead comin' out; you think they came out to take a look around? Guy doesn't sit on the toilet unless he wants to shit. Sitting there waiting to deliver the goods! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Moss) What's the problem pal?

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[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

My version of this would have the smiley face in every square.

It's good to be alive!

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

it's all smiles so long as you're sitting on the toilet, anything involving shitting is never smiles if you're not on the toilet

[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 2 points 10 hours ago

Excellent point!

[–] pipe01@programming.dev 14 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Farting while pissing is cool though

[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 11 points 3 days ago (2 children)

you can see the autistic vibrations in the pee stream

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

the autism leaving my body as i take a piss

don't forget to keep your autism hydrated and drink the piss

[–] OldManBOMBIN@lemmy.world 24 points 4 days ago

This chick loooves pissing

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 20 points 4 days ago (2 children)

The real terror begins when vomiting enters the chat.

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 11 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

I was sick when I was like 9 while sitting on the toilet. The sink was too far away, there was no trash can in sight, and the toilet was in use by my ass. I threw up half digested Chef Boyardee ravioli on the floor. Mfw -> :(

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[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago (7 children)

Why is pissing while pissing more happy than shitting while shitting or farting while farting.

Wait... I get it now.

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[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Sitting to pee instantly solves half of these

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

This chart is for sitting to pee.

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Then I don't see the problem in shitting during peeing.

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The problem is your bathroom timeline just changed. That's a face of consternation because a 1 minute excursion has turned into at least 5 minutes.

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Oh, I see. I read my saved articles in the bathroom so it takes me around 184 minutes regardless of what my initial purpose was anyway.

[–] Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social 15 points 4 days ago

Quality shitpost

[–] RagnarokOnline@programming.dev 14 points 4 days ago (1 children)
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[–] Oaksey@lemmy.world 13 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I once did a piss, fart and sneeze at the same time. Got sort of like a really pleasant shiver.

Your body took a screenshot

[–] SassyRamen@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Wait until you get food poisoning 🫠 hopefully you have a tub beside your toilet.

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Oh man, I used to get gastroenteritis every few weeks before I found out what was causing it.
Gastro was horrible. When the astonishingly painful cramps hit you you didn't know which way the 'projectiles' were evacuating from until the very last second.

Unfortunately the toilet in my house at that time was in a separate room as the sink and bath. Which meant if I needed to throw up I'd either have to do it in the horrible diarrhea covered toilet or just throw up on the floor.
Decisions decisions.
On the really bad episodes I would just sit in the bath for hours on end so I could turn the shower on to wash the puke and/or shit away.

Fortunately I haven't had an episode in twenty years now.

[–] burgermeister@sh.itjust.works 7 points 4 days ago (2 children)
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[–] socsa@piefed.social 4 points 3 days ago

I can fix her

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