One of the rare green texts that could very well be true
this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2025
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While perhaps not fake: still gay because with fiber poops he's preparing to receive anal!
I'm sitting in my office at work, this shit had me giggling like an idiot
This is one of the best poop writeups of all time
I first read that as "shitting in my office" and I was like hell yeah brother
After I posted it I reread it just to verify I didn't mistype. But if I had, you can bet id just leave it that way
Now that is a true shitpost!!!
Silly anon. All that compressed fiber intake and /fit/ neglected to tell him he needed to drink ~6 l/h of water to maintain proper hydration.
You remind me of my kid. Every time I say something they recognize as untrue they call me "Silly Daddy."
Today they went to an event where they assured me they'd be swimming (a claim their mother disputed). When they got back, I asked whether they had enjoyed swimming.
"We didn't swim, we just put our feet in the river. There was no pool. Silly Daddy!"
Wait till they find out about your silly tiles!
Funny enough, ten minutes ago I was telling a friend of mine how everyone always (understandably but incorrectly) assumes I got this username from the tiles. And calls me Tony.
I don't disagree that the tiles are silly, though there is a documentary (on hulu when I watched it, not sure about now) about how the truth is closer to them being sad.
edit; I'm not exactly sure when the tiles started appearing, but I'm at least 60% confident that I had this username beforehand.
Now I’m slightly annoyed at myself for not having replied as I first wanted, that being “There’s a good chance your user has nothing to do with the tiles…”, and you’re right about the nature of the tiles being rather sad.
No need to be annoyed. It's true that I didn't select the username because of the tiles, but I am aware of them and likely would have chosen the username even if that had been the inspiration. I don't mind the association at all - it's started lots of conversations, some more fruitful than others.
The aforementioned friend is literally the first person in over two decades who has made the correct association. Please don't be annoyed with yourself for making a much more logical connection.
Plus, if it helps I was once wandering through Philadelphia with my eyes down and was quite surprised to find my username embedded in the street, so that was fun!
Anyway, if you're curious, I was looking for a new username right around when the first X-Men movie came out. I watched the movie, then read the novelization and found that The Toad has the secret identity of "Mortimer Toynbee" (except in one animated show). I liked and subsequently claimed the name and it's taken almost nowhere.
Had anon tried drinking water with their fiber?
The lore doesn't mention it.
I was looking at fiber supplements on Costco's web site, and there was one where the guy had more or less the experience above, but after just one. He said he wouldn't touch them again after that.
I can't help but think that if this is what happens after taking just one, you really, really needed to have a fiber supplement.
my dad complains about horrible bowel movements every time he goes for fibre toast rather than plain white, i truly do not fathom how some people are alive
Fiber is not magical? I am pretty sure you need to snort a bottle to have that effect
Oh so the "don't poop for three days" guy from two years back just needed a few fiber bars and strong conviction
Why is it good to not shit for 3 days?
They never told us so we'll never know
I never realized the post was making a joke about the OceanGate sub until just now reading another thread.
At the time, June 2023, they were searching for the missing sub and thought they could have 3 days to survive. So OP was probably making a dark humor joke about how to avoid shitting in the sub.
But they were so vague that it had everyone - myself included - speculating on why someone wouldn't want to shit for that long.
It's so cool that there are people new enough to Lemmy that they don't know that lore, but active enough to ask the question. I mean that seriously, not disparaging anyone. It really is cool.
Now let's see how long it is until they start asking about beans.
edit: s/the/that/
strong conviction
Why would you need a strong conviction to keep your bodily function at bay for no positive effect?
And why do you talk in third person about yourself?
Oh sorry, you may not know. By "they" I mean the guy who posted about needing to not poop for 3 days. There was a post a few years back where a guy asked for advice on not pooping for a few days and he would not tell anybody why he needed to not poop.
As for conviction the greentext makes it clear this is not a comfortable situation. Anyone wanting to do this in order to not poop, for whatever reason, would know what comes for them if they follow this method
The original post seems to be gone, but you can read about it in this cross post: https://lemmy.world/post/455290
It isn't?
Fake: wiping his ass
Gay: wiping his ass
Fake: He had Dwanye "The Rock" Johnson in his ass
Gay: He had Dwanye "The Rock" Johnson in his ass
This one always makes me laugh.
Classic. My favorite line is the guts screaming in German.
I miss these old green texts
A classic. Will one day be studied in university classes.
I like those greentext :)
This sounds amazing.
Fuckin love this one
i've been shitted off about the recent posts on here that werent shitposts this shitpost is truly the shit