Could you please remove extremism from the human noosphere?
this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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Unfortunately I can not directly alter the human mind as it's against the wizard code of ethics :( But I do that on my own and try to do my best to remove ignorance and hate from the minds of people with the power of projecting compassion where possible. If a human is too deep in their own ignorance, then I try to protect others around them to the best of my ability.
We'll I guess I'll just have to let the SCP Foundation know that I've found a dangerous reality bender. Unless you want to rethink that stance.
I mean.. I'm just a jobless dude with a long beard... spare some change? No wizardry or magic hoopity poopitys here sir.
Ok, then put a "truthiness" meter on all media, which can't be removed. It should not beat around the bush: if something is a lie, it should say "lie!" If someone is lying, it should say "liar!" If someone truly believes something, but are simply wrong or misinformed, it should have a truthiness meter.
It should do this for all news, anything masquerading as news, and televangelists. Fiction presented as fiction without pretense of being fact is exempt.
The meter should resist all attempts at hiding, filtering, and removal. It should apply to all media.
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What makes a man turn neutral?
A good ph buffer
Giant Space Laser that automatically zaps the 100 evilest people in the world each day. Determined by who negatively impacted the quality of life of the most people that day.
Done, but it can't penetrate a specific magical shield (sunscreen) and it's eco friendly so it's a bit slow. Gets faster with time though as the evil people keep doing evil things and unfortunately doesn't discriminate who it zaps :( wear your magishields (sunscreen)!
Turn me into a girl pleeeeeeease 🥺
This is an impossible task unfortunately as we haven't been able to find a way to reverse aging with magic despite millenia of dedicated research into magic. You must continue living as an adult/young woman, Lena, or talk to a dark alchemist or a warlock.
I have a second wish, can you make all pedantry vanish?
Gurl, the headline says "one wish".. but I gotchu fam one mo time
Unbend my back pretty please!
I'm sorry today is all about bending, unbendings only on monday and tuesday between 11:11 - 13:23 :(
I wish upon everyone more cute pet pics in their feed.
Granted, please subscribed to these: !cat@lemmy.world !aww@lemmy.ml !illegallysmolcats@lemmy.world !animals@beehaw.org
Meteor
Granted, pick up from any of our distribution locations world wide: https://tammojan.github.io/meteormap/
Thanks.
I would also like the ability to bend reality to my will
Wizard school was a scam, just become a sorcerer/ess and save your money.
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Please write BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER permanently into the sky above each continent high enough and large enough to be seen by all. If a continent has a predominant language it can be in that language and if the math and physics work out it could even be by nation or region.
Granted, but sorry about my terrible staff (hand) writing.
make all choclate bars in my house 25% bigger pretty please
Unfortunately the Wizard's Code of Ethics prohibits this due to massive deforestation events that occur when we conjure chocolate :( Magic giveth but magic also sometimes taketh
Buy chocolate from responsible producers!
Can you craft me a toaster that magically toasts the perfect amount to the user's desire, every time?
But your toaster is already enchanted?! The toaster struggles with your desires, though. Are you sure you truly want a perfect toast? Or are you perhaps in the way of yourself?
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I want you to put a 32-bit buffer into people's brains so that when they're attempting to do evil, when they cross the threshold, it automatically buffer overflows back onto the good side.
I want it to be like, "I was going to rape and murder this school bus full of children, but instead I made them cupcakes".
I can't directly alter humans due to the Wizard Code of Ethics :( but I know of a warlock...
Shapeshifting
Granted, you can shapeshift to almost any form, but you should get started with pigeon, cow, a hero, or a pyramid: https://www.yogajournal.com/poses/poses-by-level/beginners-poses
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I wish for some kick ass tunes!
Granted, you have access to the worlds finest of tunes in the palm of your hands: https://radio.garden/
Doooope!
regulate all social media, tech, telecom companies, video sharing sites and payment processors as public utility
I try to cast spells and curses, but we need unity. For higher powers to regulate them we need to make the high council hear our spells and join our chants (vote in every election).
I cast (my vote) spell in your cause.
Can you just turn up the happy setting on the world a tick or two? Just enough to get everyone to chill the fuck out.
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We're low on milk. Also bananas.
Oh good because my mana can't handle more than that.
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