Life's too short to pick your partners based on other people's aesthetic preferences. The whole, 'is this guy too young for me thing' is a more complicated choice IMO. Maybe you're over thinking it. Have you been on any dates recently?
this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2025
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Obviously you find a 35 year old guy who looks to be 18 or 19. Then you can shock people together.
Or the reverse, find an 18/19 year old who looks 35!
Date someone you feel comfortable with beyond appearances. Because that's what relationships rely on.
Unless you plan on staying looking like you're 18 until you die, or forever if you're not planning to die, then yes just date hot guys under 25 only, indefinitely.
Worry less about your age, their age and what people think. Focus more on what will make you happy. If you feel like dating someone in their early 20s is not predatory, then go for it. Remember, some 20 year olds will be less mature, too.
Yeah I feel attracted to men in their early to mid twenties, but given my age I'm worried it'll come off as predatory. It doesn't feel like there's up to nearly a decade of difference.
if no one believes your real age then no one's gonna think it's predatory
Dating someone in their 20s as a 30 year old is not predatory unless you're preying on them (taking advantage of them by welding power over them or using their inexperience against them). It does not sound like you will be preying on them. Right now, focus on finding someone you like, their exact age doesn't matter like you think it does.
So it's more like you're into someone younger and you want to ask if it's ok to date them? That depends on other circumstances, not just the age.
Most 20 year olds are less mature, not some. It's predatory.
it's not like 20 year olds are immature, come on
20 vs 30 is nothing, most people still struggle to accept that they're adults at 30...
OP specified that, due to mental haze in their 20s related to their health issues, they mentally feel closer to 20.
Most 20 year olds are less mature than a 30 yo. What I mean is that some 20 yo are less mature than a typical 20 yo. Some are more mature.
Op could be predatory, but it's not predatory by virtue of age alone. there is also a big difference with, say, an 18yo. Or conversely a 23 yo. After 20, a 10 year gap is no big deal.
There are predatory relationships at all ages. From OPs description, this is not the relationship type they are looking for, as they themselves feel less mature. I'd say 25 to 18 is worse than 30 to 20. It's not the age gap that matters but the maturity difference and power imbalance.
In context, I suspect they meant to say some 30 year olds will be less mature, rather than saying look at a less mature age group, then go even lower
Date a 30 yo that looks like they are in their 60s for true shock value.
I'm a 40yo, and when I play guessing game with people, they say something like "you're not older than 26". I just think that I'm probably lucky with genetics , but that doesn't really change what I do or who I meet with. And I'm emotionally like 21, so it works for me
fuck what other people tell you, follow your heart
Ditto
You date who you are attracted to, who cares what other people think?
Mentally I'd say I'm [...] around 20.
So that's what you are looking for in a partner.
I will only say that you should probably not date an age, just a person. It' snot their date of birth we may spend time (maybe eve our live) with , it's who they are.
Since we're on the Internet, I should probably make it clear that I mean dating a person of legal age.
edit: typos
Why is it 20 or 35 if you are 30, and not, well, 30?
Date someone you like! Just go out with some guys and figure out what you like.
Date who you're interested in (within the law), ignore the haters
correct
Had a friend with this problem. All she could come up with was changing her wardrobe to reduce the appearance of youth. But as others said, date who you want. No matter how you look or who you date there will be judgemental eyes that should be rightfully ignored.
I have male pattern baldness, which I don't think would work for you quite so well(!), but I can change my apparent age by 10 years by simply putting on a baseball cap. I figure there must be things other people can do that have the same effect. Make-up maybe. Or less of it.
Most people lean into reducing wrinkles and crows feet. Maybe the opposite strategy might be for you.
That said, maybe you don't need to care about what other people think, and you can just keep doing what you have been doing without resorting to any changes whatsoever. If you look like an adult, and aren't acting like you've been abducted, then people aren't going to call the police on your potential boyfriends, and that's all you'd really need to worry about. Let people talk. People are stupid.
Apply to work for Chris Hansen
Happy belated birthday! I hope you’re doing better now <3
My suggestion would be to date whoever you like and have a good connection with without worrying how it will be perceived by others.
And someone else who looks far younger than I am, just be glad for it.
People don't often believe I'm old enough to have a daughter in her 20s. Take it as a blessing! Just do what feels right, and don't worry too much about assumptions.
Hell, find a 35 year old that looks 55 and then you'll REALLY mess with people!
If I had to guess the optimum would be around 26. Not too much younger, and looks not too much older. Good luck haha.
Find a person who makes it worth getting out of bed every morning and they feel the same about you. Everything else is crap.
If you still want advice from a stranger on the Internet about dating advice, in your situation I'd probably be looking for people closer to my age than not. But if some 20-22 year old says and does everything that puts a smile on your face, then go for it.
Date whoever you want.
Happy birthday!
Just for the sake of anyone interested, OP recently made another post about looking too young (but not about relationships): https://discuss.tchncs.de/post/40800887
If nothing else, it might give more context.
Thank you!
39yo here. People never believe i'm more than 30yo. I don't think it's a problem, rather something positive because I was lucky with genetics (and also didn't wasted myself during my 20s).
The one thing I'd tell you about finding a partner is to look for someone who makes you happy. Maybe, other than that, consider where their mind is. I know I could date women under 30 and wouldn't look physically "weird", but would we be at the same point when thinking about work, future, family, etc? That's way more important than looks when it comes to age difference.
The difference between 20 and 30 mentally is huge. They are babies. That said, if you look super young you will naturally attract some of the worst types of people…be wary.
no it fucking isn't come on, only people who are very insecure about their age thinks shit like this
It has nothing to do with being secure oand insecure. Predators target young, naive individuals. It’s a known fact. Silence enables predation. Your defensiveness is weird.
i'm 25, i think you can figure out why i find it absurd to say that 20 year olds are "babies" and hugely different from 30 year olds.
It’s not absurd to say 20 year olds and 30 year olds are different in that way. From life experience to brain development, it’s a documented fact that older people predate these inexperienced individuals for a variety of reasons. Hence, if you look 20 and a 35 year old is interested in you, I advise you to be cautious. Now, some people will argue that once someone is legally an adult none of that matters. Sure, under the eyes of the law. But you’ve more than admitted here you’re looking for someone immature, that you are also immature. Be careful, older people giving you advice don’t do so to harm you or because they are ashamed they’ve aged. They have often been taken advantage of by older individuals.
The thing is, it's like my 20's were skipped, I can barely remember much of anything because I was in this constant state of near passing out and it didn't get treated until recently.