The Onion and other satire w/ layers

Taylor Swift, Ryan Gosling and a host of other celebrities have been told to take extra security precautions, after the deaths of Ozzie Osbourne and Pope Francis failed to diminish public interest in the Epstein files.

An anonymous source said the White House’s strategy of flooding the media cycle with non-Epstein celebrity news may need to ramp up.

“We thought 48-hours of Osbourne retrospectives would do the trick. But no. It turns out people really want to see these damn files,” the source said. [...]