this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 136 points 1 week ago (3 children)
[–] MrShankles@reddthat.com 41 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Did your girlfriend come to her senses, and realize how great those plates are?

[–] huppakee@feddit.nl 8 points 1 week ago

Obv its because he chose the plates and not the girlfriend

[–] FlihpFlorp@piefed.zip 10 points 1 week ago

Dear god it them

The myth, the legend, the plate

[–] snoons@lemmy.ca 91 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Make a terrible person leave you alone in this one easy step

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 39 points 1 week ago (4 children)

She didn't communicate her needs well enough.

Honestly, the Bee plates showing up is more her fault than his.

[–] snoons@lemmy.ca 56 points 1 week ago

Lack of communication is one thing, losing your shit like this because of it is another. ...but that's two things now, so...

[–] Tenniswaffles@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 1 week ago (19 children)

Didn't communicate her needs? What more communication do you need beyond "get fancy dinner plates"? How do you fuck that up? If you're unsure, communicate your need for further information, or google fancy dinner plates.

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[–] Boomkop3@reddthat.com 69 points 1 week ago

Dang, sounds like those plates are perfectly age appropriate for your gf

[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 53 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If you are somewhat tight for cash or shopping for another person some conflict stemming from this is completely reasonable.

[–] Lauchmelder@feddit.org 38 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Then again I find it weird to give someone money and then say "Buy some plates" without any further details or supervision. Of course anon could have, yknow, asked if the plates are okay before ordering

[–] cRazi_man@europe.pub 56 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

A greentext story is like a dream. You're following the narrative, while simultaneously thinking that this makes no sense and how did things get here.

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[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 17 points 1 week ago (2 children)

"buy fancy dinner plates" is enough details

[–] licheas@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I mean, depending on context, these qualify.

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[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 44 points 1 week ago (8 children)

Are you kidding me?! There isn't a single person I know who wouldn't at least appreciate those plates enough to chuckle! Those are awesome plates, I'd use those plates even for formal events, the only people who'd be upset by them are stuck-up assholes!

[–] licheas@sh.itjust.works 20 points 1 week ago (2 children)

and teenagers insisting they're no longer kids. (same fight as "kids table" stuff. To be honest, when I became an adult, the kids table was always more fun anyhow. Dinosaurs are way more interesting topics of conversation than adult-stuff.)

[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

100% same. I'm the built-in babysitter for family events. Why would I want to hear my aunt ask for the 500th time why I'm not married, when my nephews and nieces are playing out a story where Bluey and Sonic the Hedgehog team up to fight crime? Screw boring grown-up talk, I want the imaginative adventure.

[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I 100% believe the moment we try to pretend we aren't children anymore is the moment we deny a huge chunk of what makes us human.

Not to mention a HUGE mistake logistically speaking, because it also means that we wouldn't be working with the actual data. We don't lose who we've been, it constantly gets incorporated into who we're becoming. Those kids we used to be are still there, alive and well (and probably sobbing in a corner for a friggin' crumb of honest, carefree enjoyment of, like, anything!) and all we do is to try to bury them deeper and deeper, until we can't hear those sobs anymore. But those sobs just get worse, until they... stop. After a loong, long time, they stop - killed where nobody else could hear it.

And if all of that sounds insane, it's because it is. That's my point.

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[–] Dorkyd68@lemmy.world 43 points 1 week ago (4 children)

I like how it has an attached dipping plate. Not doubt for ketchup to dip dinosaurs nuts in

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

those are to give the kid different types of food in correct quantities

source : am dad, even have the cutlery that fits this set.

[–] MrShankles@reddthat.com 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Dinosaur... nuts? Never heard of 'em

[–] Wolf@lemmy.today 6 points 1 week ago

Come over to my place sometime.

Dino Nuggies are for kids, adults eat tendies.

[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago

Pretty sure thats just a matching bowl next to it.

[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 40 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Break up with gf and marry the plates

[–] EldenLord@lemmy.world 32 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Woah, we‘re not on r/relationshipadvice here!

[–] Gustephan@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

Clearly. If we were he'd be advised to hit facebook, delete the lawyer, and hire a gym too

[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

Its true that statement is on par for that type of sub.

[–] frog@feddit.uk 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Stop beeeeeeing such a bitch!

[–] Jerkface@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I bet that stung ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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[–] steeznson@lemmy.world 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Fake: anon has gf

Gay: anon buys colourful kitchenware and posts about it online in order to start a discussion

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 week ago

They're adorable, though. That part is true.

[–] Hello_there@fedia.io 23 points 1 week ago

babyplates.jpg

[–] Carvex@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago

Task failed successfully

[–] thelsim@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 week ago

Can confirm, these are awesome plates. They were my daughter’s favorites.

[–] Nebula@fedia.io 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Idk what his gf is on about. These slap and anon is clearly a distinguished gentleman.

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[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 12 points 1 week ago

Could've been interpreted as he wants kids but anyway.

[–] TRAHR@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 week ago

They're so cute.

Fake (anon has gf) and gay (said fake gf hates the plates)

[–] LostXOR@fedia.io 9 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Amazon has a pretty expansive return policy, just send them back (assuming this is real, which it is not).

[–] skisnow@lemmy.ca 21 points 1 week ago (3 children)

who are you even talking to?

[–] Turret3857 45 points 1 week ago (3 children)

the OP from 2015 I'm assuming. Who knows maybe Amazon will let him return them?

Or may Jeff Bezos will personally laugh in his face and have a wedding at his house. Hard to say.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago

Jeff Bezos having a wedding in random peroples' houses is a running joke I will make for the rest of my life just letting you know.

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[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

Why would he return the Bee plates? They are perfect for his special needs.

[–] AlexisFR@jlai.lu 9 points 1 week ago

1: 2015

2: is this a repost from Reddit?

[–] kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 week ago

I'd be fucking delighted if my wife brought home these plates.

[–] Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

My partner would never do this, because she knows I would buy goatse plates.

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