The Onion and other satire w/ layers

Local piece of shit Jesse Schweitzer was charged with impersonating a police officer after assaulting his entrapped girlfriend Denise Soderstrom, confirmed sources.

“His form was that of a 15-year veteran officer during a routine traffic stop,” said Officer Grady, responding to the call from a worried neighbor. “It was almost like I was the one who had been hitting her repeatedly, which is our go-to method for deescalating any situation. As law enforcement, the domestic abuse we can excuse. But doing it like one of us while not having the legal authority behind you to act with impunity? We can’t just overlook that. This behavior calls for a stern slap on the wrist.” [...]