Asklemmy

Free unlimited WiFi woman.

I chose being able to make other people fart or burp. Well on a second thought, that's maybe C tier at best.

B Tier would be able to make people overhear their wakeup alarm. Useless against people with a good inner clock though.

Distraction man. Be able to divert somebody's attention by pointing a finger.

I'd be infinite stamina man. never get out of breath again, even while jogging

I'd like to be able to sense the distance to the closest person to me

If I’ve driven there once in my life, 99% of the time I can drive there again with no directions.

I am the current incarnation of the-timer's-about-to-go-off man: every time there's a timer I'm physically uncomfortable in the seconds right before the notification beeps begin. "It should be done by now" I'll say, just before the oven timer sounds, or the dryer plays its jingle.

Yesterday I took the dog for a walk around another store while my wife did the grocery shop, but I forgot my phone at home. Sure enough, I got the familiar itch between the shoulder blades and the dread "she's probably done by now" and had to excuse the pup and I from the group of people giving him scritches. We all reached the car at the same time.

My knees and elbows don't hurt man.

Always remember where I put stuff man

I don't want to lose another guitar pick lol