Off My Chest

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It feels wrong when everything is going well (redlemmy.com)

submitted 2 weeks ago by stinky@redlemmy.com to c/offmychest@redlemmy.com

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When I'm saving money, being kind and considerate, working hard and eating healthy something feels wrong. It's not exactly boredom. It's a desire to fuck things up.

My childhood involved a lot of moving around, constantly leaving friends behind when my parents got new jobs, finding new places to live, then later in life I continued the chaos with sex, drugs and drinking. Stints in rehab, constantly looking for a new job because I'd fucked up the old one, a new place to live after something went wrong at home. The chaos feels normal.

It's like "call of the void" but with my life rather than a single moment. And it's constant. I even have nightmares when things are going well. My brain doesn't know how to be happy.

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[–] TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

i like to think of it as the difference between street art and graffiti. street art can be beautiful, thoughtful, and poignant. But graffiti is fucking fun to do.

so i've been told when interviewing graffiti artists.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 3 points 2 weeks ago

My brain doesn't know how to he happy

I think this myself a lot. Especially when looking through my liked songs playlist... It's all sad and angry music. Maybe like 5 whole songs are actually happy. Like I am addicted to depression. 😮‍💨