this post was submitted on 05 Jun 2025
546 points (97.9% liked)

Not The Onion

17487 readers
1741 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/65976593

(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Almost like this administration is a horrifying turd circus of chaos and evildoing which COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED but was not because - reasons

[–] isekaihero@ani.social 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

They must be planning a false flag and this is the patsy that will take the blame for dropping the ball.

[–] Bloomcole@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

As always.
The only real terrorism in the world invariably comes from the US regime or from a US proxy.

[–] Australis13@fedia.io 6 points 2 months ago

Gardening is one of my hobbies but I don't have much retail experience... Guess that's me ruled out then.

[–] wanderwisley@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago

Absolutely no favoritism with this hire.

[–] Jym66@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

He will weed them out!

[–] SSNs4evr@leminal.space 5 points 2 months ago

Why do I think he'd look more the part, if he were wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm voting for Pedro?"

[–] selkiesidhe@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago

Now if only we find out he sexually assaulted a child and owns at least three Nazi paraphernalia, he'd be the perfect GOP candidate

[–] thisnameisnottolong@aussie.zone 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Can't wait for the biopic! That picture alone could be the promo poster. Wolf of wall street meets pineapple express?

[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (2 children)

The ex-paste eater here is going to know what terrorists crave

[–] MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 2 months ago

Paste-eaters deserve better than this moron.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

failing upwards, just like P47

[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 3 points 1 month ago

I bet we could rng ppl in these comments 10x more capable.

[–] Hobbes_Dent@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Maybe they don’t care if you think they’re dumb as long as the attack happens to solidify the people behind unjustifiable war. Greenland, Canada, Ukraine, Iran, China - as long as 400 million will again buy the lies.

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Democrats: sorry, if you're under 70 you're too young for us.

Republicans: give me all your children!!!

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago

trying to look like the rock.

[–] xorollo@leminal.space 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Bet he likes the picture because the weird face gives him a few forehead wrinkles.

[–] RadioFreeArabia@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

As qualified as any of them

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

that doesn't make it acceptable. if anything it makes it less so.

weakness is a sum of all parts, if all parts weak, there is no strength.

[–] danzabia 1 points 2 months ago

Name checks out.

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

And also, clearly, a massive douche.

[–] VerbFlow@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

I'm about as old as he is!

[–] But_my_mom_says_im_cool@lemmy.world -1 points 2 months ago (17 children)

AOC was a waitress, let’s shit on shitty people for their shitty actions. Let’s not shit on them because they worked “unskilled jobs” that’s just elitism. I’m sure this guy has skeletons in his 22 year old closet, but being a gardener isn’t one of them.

[–] andybytes@programming.dev -1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I guess what this is really about is that just like wokeism or the Democrats as they use minorities as human shields, the right wing also likes to appeal to the working class. But in reality, the elite don't need experts. They just need people to follow orders. Which means the beatings will continue until the moral improves. You have to be able to sacrifice your child to the son gawd as well as your Machavillian abilities to do the deed. The real issue here is that most Yankee pig dogs don't have the ability to accurately communicate the issues so we just live in a world of memes. Like, we are nothing but a reactionary mob because we allow ourselves to be a reactionary mob. And this is perfect for the police state because it gives the justification because of optics to beat the shit out of us when we try to fight back. And it is through the left and right paradigm that they maintain the social order. VIA DIVIDE and Rule. Careful what they do overseas because it's going to come back to you and me. I've lived long enough and I know America is getting what it deserves and there's more to come. It's just right around the corner. We either seize the means of production or we lock ourselves in our own chains. Voting Democrat won't change a thing. And it's all the same to those that can afford to pay off the corrupt police who nowadays have deputy gangs. Welcome to the Lords and Ladies of the Clown Kingdumb. You know, you kinda get peace of mind knowing that regardless of your own outcome, these individuals will face consequences. It is a mad world. If your on the side of the truth you don't need validation. We have seen all of this before. If you are literate and study history you know what comes next. It is easy to be a prophet when there is nothing new under the son

load more comments (16 replies)
[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca -2 points 2 months ago

Being an ex-anything at 22 is bad

Being called an "ex gardener" at 22 is just pissing on him

load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›