I just had my first driving lesson! I only stalled the engine a few times.
this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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Autism
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Nice! Sounds like you are learning to drive a stick shift.
Yeah, I didn't properly understand how a clutch actually worked before I helped my family rip some bushes out of the ground with a small tractor some time ago. I usually stalled the engine when I was forced to stop, as I would forget to push the clutch in. I was also somewhat shocked that I just got to partake in traffic after driving around for 30 minutes in a rather empty area. The hardest part was when I went into a neighborhood where almost half of the road was taken up by parked cars. My instructor and I were very satisfied with how it went, and I also found it fun, even if it was stressful at times.
I have a lifetime of unprocessed trauma leaking into my every day life. I was put on antidepressants when I was 12 and weened myself off of them when I was 31. Taking the lid off Pandora's box has overall improved my life but every once in a while something will trigger repressed emotions and I'll have a period of a few days to a few weeks where I can't stop crying. It's pure, unfiltered grief. And it comes in waves.
This time it was Cyberpunk 2077. I had heard that this game was emotional, so I was prepared for the effect it was always going to have on me. Or at least I thought I was prepared. A particular storyline put a large hole in the dam holding everything back. I do appreciate it when a piece of media can punch a hole in my dam, as it needs to happen, but I sure am fucked up right now.
Crying in public and at work isn't fun.
Cyberpunk 2077 is not a happy game, some quest lines have really grim themes, but perhaps it also allows some processing of difficult emotional stuff through the story. I haven't finished it yet but there have been two quest lines that really struck me as well.
I've cried over Alexander the Warrior Jar in Elden Ring.
Games can have a strong impact on us.
I'm sorry to hear about your trauma. Hopefully you'll find ways to work with it and things get easier over time. Lately I've watched a lot of videos from Patrick Teahan about CPTSD and recovery. I get comfort from his content and the validation feels important.
I've done some reading about CPTSD and it's... surreal to read about something that so perfectly explains my situation. Autism itself isn't a disability, but rather it's CPTSD that does the disabling.
I'll have to check out those videos. I appreciate the suggestion.
While Cyberpunk is indeed not a happy game I still greatly appreciate the maturity, the heavy themes, and the critiques of American society and capitalism. Even the romances are mature and well written.
Ooh I can see where Cyberpunk 2077 could do that. Hopefully everyone around you is understanding.
Luckily I haven't had to explain it to anyone yet, as I am a security guard and spend the majority of my time at work alone. Security can be a great job for people on the spectrum. It's important to note that unarmed security is the chill kind where you rarely have to actually deal with people.
I don't have any interest in being an armed guard. That shit sounds stressful.
I was feeling stuffy last night so I took some NyQuil. I woke up feeling like I'd had anesthesia. But the thing is, I take ZzzQuil every night because I can't sleep otherwise, so why is NyQuil so much more intense? I believe it's the same dose of sleeping medicine.
I believe NyQuil might have alcohol in it and that can enhance effects.
Ok, so what you're saying is I need to add bourbon to my nighttime routine?
As an Engineer this is my professional opinion.
I had to record a video of myself explaining why I've applied to a certain study program and why they should pick me. The horror. The video was part of a mandatory entrance course. I hope the course doesn't reflect the quality of the program itself because it was... well, awful tbh. I was surprised how ableist themes there were on the materials. Also the exams were questionnaries with a short time limit and some of the questions were about exact wording of certain phrases, which really doesn't measure understanding but how fast one can search keywords from the materials. But the course is done now and I don't have to think about it anymore. So more time for Minecraft and recovery!