this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2023
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chapotraphouse

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gets even funnier:

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Me with my suspiciously F-35 shaped tummy

๐Ÿ˜ถ

[โ€“] AcidMarxist@hexbear.net 80 points 2 years ago (2 children)

"F35, you mind telling me what youre doing in autopilot?"

"Sir, finishing this fight"

:one-world-trade-center:

[โ€“] krolden@lemmy.ml 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

So thats what happened to building seven

[โ€“] AcidMarxist@hexbear.net 7 points 2 years ago

all my homies wanna rap 'bout 9/11

but all that I dream 'bout is building 7

[โ€“] Mindfury@hexbear.net 78 points 2 years ago

i-spil-my-jice i los my plane mods mods

[โ€“] CriticalOtaku@hexbear.net 65 points 2 years ago (2 children)

dubois-depressed: Mr. Evart is helping me find my F-35.

[โ€“] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 29 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

de-encyclopedia A truly underrated use of a Disco Elysium reference.

Pilot's stuff is flung everywhere and he wakes up after a blackout at a wrecked room in the Whirling In Dogtags. kelly

[โ€“] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 20 points 2 years ago

dubois-depressed and obama-spike hanging out on the swings, waiting for the tide to go down so they can get the F-35 out

[โ€“] forcequit@hexbear.net 60 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[โ€“] WayeeCool@hexbear.net 38 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

They aren't even offering a cash reward for the jets safe return!

[โ€“] Freeanotherday@hexbear.net 59 points 2 years ago (1 children)

if you have any information on the whereabouts...

Like it's a set of keys or some shit.

data-laughing

[โ€“] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 27 points 2 years ago

Yeah I saw your plane but he ran up a tree before I could catch him

[โ€“] JohnBrownsDream@hexbear.net 55 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[โ€“] ToxicDivinity@hexbear.net 54 points 2 years ago (2 children)

If you see the f35 DO NOT APPROACH IT. f35s have a natural instinct to spray others with noxious gas when they feel threatened

[โ€“] Mindfury@hexbear.net 41 points 2 years ago

DO NOT battle an F-35 while astral projecting, it's incredibly prone to crashing through dimensions

[โ€“] GarbageShoot@hexbear.net 35 points 2 years ago

hi, f35 expert here! this is not funny, f35s only do this when they're in extreme distress

[โ€“] Comp4@hexbear.net 50 points 2 years ago (1 children)

F35s dont get destroyed. They get sent to live on a farm upstate

[โ€“] SnAgCu@hexbear.net 47 points 2 years ago (1 children)

putting up missing jet posters around the neighbourhood like

"have you seen this F-35? name: "Rusty". last seen wednesday, went to tie my shoe and lost him. comes when called."

very evasive, may release payload, DO NOT CHASE

[โ€“] Melonius@hexbear.net 44 points 2 years ago

Is it still in the air? Does it lock on to the nearest orphanage when it detects low fuel?

[โ€“] UnicodeHamSic@hexbear.net 43 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

You know someplace a Chinese general is trying to write a memo but it sounds just so stupid he can't figure out where to begin

[โ€“] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 40 points 2 years ago

Note: F35 died on the way back to its home planet.

[โ€“] keepcarrot@hexbear.net 37 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It's stealth, so we don't know where it is!

[โ€“] WayeeCool@hexbear.net 47 points 2 years ago

you joke but when doing training or flying over friendly civilian airspace jets like the B2, F22, F35, and Chinese J20 have to have luneburg-lense based radar reflectors latched to their exterior so they can be tracked by radar

Fools, introducing an invasive jet to Charleston's ecosystem is gonna fuck it up.

[โ€“] FuckyWucky@hexbear.net 33 points 2 years ago

it went to a parallel universe where its actually functional

[โ€“] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 32 points 2 years ago

The F-35 went out for milk and a carton of cigarettes.

[โ€“] Teekeeus@hexbear.net 32 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Clearly the solution is to give lockheed more money to improve things

[โ€“] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

:porky-happy: Lockheed taking control of the planes any time they don't get rubbed the right way on capitol hill to generate demand for their product.

[โ€“] forcequit@hexbear.net 19 points 2 years ago

OEM ransomware changes the return-home coordinates and cancelled the heated seat subscription

[โ€“] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 30 points 2 years ago (1 children)

So these advanced machines don't have like....a gps tracker or a radar sig?

Was the pilot jerking off and accidently whack the shiny candy like [EJECT] button?

[โ€“] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 30 points 2 years ago

Lloyd Austin: โ€œWe have reasons - the intelligence community has provided us credible evidence that China has developed a device that can send a person or an object to the Shadow Realm. Our tracking equipment indicates that the F-35โ€™s coordinates are no longer within this planet.โ€

[โ€“] FrogFractions@hexbear.net 30 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

The US military kicks a ball over the fence into the neighbors yard and comes up with a series of increasingly elaborate schemes to get it back.

[โ€“] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 28 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I remember reddit-logo circlejerking about the necessity of the F-35 while using lanyard-brained language like "FULFILLING THE MISSIONS OF THE 21st CENTURY" and "ENSURING COMPLETE AND TOTAL AIR SUPREMACY."

It was all bullshit, but it made the wine cave warriors feel tough while the corporations they likely worked for made more money by being vaguely a part of it.

[โ€“] skeletorsass@hexbear.net 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The war of the 21st century is fought like the war of the 20st century. T-55 and artillery. Planes are from the end of the cold war. The mine is eternal. The US military is obsessed with toys.

[โ€“] zephyreks@hexbear.net 9 points 2 years ago

US military doctrine was heavily influenced by the Pacific Theatre.

[โ€“] WIIHAPPYFEW@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago

Going to Awendaw to lure it out of the woods with a mobile hospital tent rn

[โ€“] NuraShiny@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Tomorrow: F35 Over China Sparks Fears Of Chinese Aggression.

Is what I would write, if I had any faith that that the F35 could fly that far without turning into an inexplicably soggy dust cloud.

if it sucks, hit da bricks!

[โ€“] krolden@lemmy.ml 13 points 2 years ago

Hi yes I found your jet at the bottom of the pit where all the frivolous spending and lobbyist kickbacks are.

[โ€“] ButtBidet@hexbear.net 10 points 2 years ago

I'm hiding it under my bed. No one tell MC Beaufort!

[โ€“] Cromalin@hexbear.net 8 points 2 years ago

stealth system too strong

[โ€“] D61@hexbear.net 3 points 2 years ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yukikaze_(novel)

Turns, out the F-35's were perfectly capable of flying this entire time. They were just too smart to trust the pilots.